Connections

Ever get the feeling you are destined for something? I feel like I am being groomed for something.  In the mean time I am having the most amazing journey with people who count in my life. Every day I remind myself the gratefulness to have people who really "have your back".  From Jeremy who is an amazing husband, my parents who are constantly supporting me and just there for me in general, to my sisters in friendship who show me how friendship should really be to my volunteer work that shows me connections people can have at any age.  Connection is so important.  I feel so lucky that I have incredible people in my life.

Bringing out positive

It's important to keep a positive atttitude. Self control is key to maintain a good outlook on life and surround yourself with positive people and a positive environment. Why am I talking about this? Because sometimes it's easier to let sadness, anger, and other non pleasantries in than positive. Happy..but sometimes I ponder depressing topics LOL

Dark Beauty

It's a shame sometimes that bad things have to happen first in order for good things to happen. Sometimes the pain is what makes something look so beautiful. The survival of the beauty behind or below all that darkness helps someone appreciate the journey of the pain.  Support is everything.  I am strong because I have people who love me. They accept me for who I am.. I have an erratic side.  Sometimes I seem bizarre and don't make sense.  And there they are.The people that love me and take me as I am.  God, it's a good feeling.

Tensions

Yesterday marked a day I lost a friend. But did I really? Friends...real ones I mean should take consideration of a personality before they go on a madness spree of emotion.  I am almost relieved of this friendship ending. How bad is that? It's hard to describe the tension inside.  I hope it goes away for my sake because of my health. Luckily, for me I am surrounded by an incredible support system.  My husband, my parents, my best friends, and my cats! Yes..I said my cats.  Again, I am lucky because I have a support system.  Not everyone can say that.

Amazing days

I feel so good when I know I am making a difference. Feedback helps to know where I am helping out. I know that I am helping both my elder friend and the seniors at the center. Patty was right when she said this is cathartic. I get something out of this too. I met my elder friend's granddaughter. I like seeing how her family is contributing to her well being. Her and her granddaughter are close. It reminds me of my relationship with my grandma. I miss my grandma. I passed by the house on my way to my aunt's house. Getting back to the amazing day. I worked out, read a bit, and then visited my friend. Great day. Great day :)

One of those days

I lost my ipod and sunglasses. This seems trivial but I really liked my ipod. It might be time for another ipod. I am kinda in a grouchy mood. Even positive people have off days. This would be that day. Maybe I will make soap today to make me feel better.

the quality of friendships

I remember a friend pointing out that it is important to for both parties to benefit from the friendship. I agree with that point. My most important friendships stem from a trust and vulnerability I have with said individuals. I think because of my persona I try too hard to establish or develop a bond with certain people that really I am not sure I would call friends. Having recognized that I can't have this with everything it helps to understand that some friends are going to be closer to my heart than others. And for the first time in a long time I am okay with that. I am happy in my life. That has been a journey...a long time coming.

My poetry

I have really neglected my poetry. Here are some samples of my poetry. I am no Keats. However, I do like expressing myself and missed writing in my book. Jeremy gave me this beautiful Burgandy book to write my poems in. Here goes.

Didn't Know-my first poem in the book. 12/10/05

I wanted you

I didn't try

I didn't know

you felt the same

We didn't ask

what was there

we didn't slip

we didn't fail

Time....stood...still

We didn't know our eyes had met

Perhaps a destination that today we only knew

We have walked together, a familiar face

In silence we have walked there many times

Only today was there the walk we knew

hiding in plain sight

Today you looked into my eyes

Today, I did see you for the first time

Going to try again

I am going to try to start blogging again. One of my best friends started a blog and felt inspired to start up again. I got into soapmaking. I love it. Currently, I am a volunteer for Grace Place which is a Center for Alzheimer's for Seniors and a Senior companion. I got married recently. Jeremy and I have been together for almost 7 years. It's important sometimes to write down thoughts even if they random, a stream of thoughts, or make no sense to anyone but you. There are times that even my own thoughts don't make sense to me and I try figuring out the meaning behind the thoughts. I hope that makes sense. Sometimes our purpose in life isn't a clear answer. Sometimes we have to follow a path that seems unlike a journey we thought we would venture. Sometimes finding oneself is by helping others find themselves. What do I mean by all of this. Where am I going with all this? Perhaps my main point is that life has a funny way of working things out.