Goodbye

Closure.  Today is what I've prepared for all week. My strength. ..my composure. ..all of it was for today.  I'm grateful for my rock. I've been strong because today....I may or may not be

Strength

I'm proud of how strong I've had to be. I had to psyche myself.  I had to find my inner spock. I had to...to continue.  I have my moments.  But I have to be this strong...to work with saying goodbye

The beauty of writing

I am writing to you...

I don't know where to start..

Maybe I will start with how mad I am.  I want to shake you. I want to stomp my feet like a kid with a temper tantrum. And then I want to cry.  I want to cry because this unexpected new reality is making me think....of so many things.  And then I think of the peace we came to. At least that is what I thought it was.  My hope is that you know how loved you were.....and still are.  Wherever you are.....I hope you are my guardian.  I hope you will watch over me.  My spiritual side is definitely feeling tested right now.  Or maybe not tested but on full drive.  I still feel connected to you.  That hasn't changed.  So....just know...my thoughts...are here..on paper. Because I know how much you liked how eloquent words could be.  And poetry...well...sometimes life itself was poetry.  And you....poetic soul...you were an artist with words.

In a daze

That's how I feel. I feel like I'm in a bad dream...some sort of nightmare.  And somehow this is all a blur. Like a bad side effect from being drugged.  Death always stops you at your core.  When a person you care for is yanked like this it sort of makes you lose your equilibrium.  I cried today...some small thing would set me off.  But I pulled through today. I pulled through my test...all the while not all of me there.  I don't know how to feel right now. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm confused. I'm nostalgic.  I'm heartbroken. I'm well...I'm a lot of things.  I have so much to write...and then nothing at all. But I didn't want to fail doing what I do.  Somehow I felt I could honor the memory by being strong.

My husband's humor. ..

My husband makes me laugh.  Sometimes I think he argues with me just to argue. ...and rile me up. Our random conversations entertain me.

A step back

A rather random conversation with someone actually made me lose my stress.  I am learning how to control my stress. When things aren't right I think I lose my footing. I lose confidence in myself.  I gotta learn to step back,  relax,  and remember that I am capable.  Easier said than done. ...but I'm trying.

Getting things done

My education doesn't take a day off. I studied some today. I know half so far. I also did my project on Reiki. I don't know what to make of it. I'm just glad to be done with it. More studying tomorrow after class.  And I saw Leticia.  I won't have much time in the next month or so. I figured I'd better see her now while I had some time.

Learn to relax

I'm such an anxious squirrel right now.  I gotta get my sleep cycle better.  I'm trying to be go go go.....but I need to slow down. My shows help me to distress. Not the most productive but...whatever!

Exhausted

The thing I was worried about regarding my condition is finally here. Exhaustion.  But somehow my body doesn't want to rest. It's a battle

Productive

Sometimes it just works to be kind to people. I feel so much better saying" Have a good day". Even saying thank you and please feels like I am sending out a positive message...without really saying much.  I don't expect everyone will be like this.  But it has to start with me.  One kind act can do so much.  And if it makes someone's day...or some people's day...then I have succeeded. If it's only one person that feels the change from my behavior or my outlook...well then...I've had a very productive day.

#$/^&*^//

It's how I feel.  I'd cry but a friend was asking for prayers on a real problem and it gave me perspective.

I got this

I just need to remind myself of that. This test is stressing me out. I am over thinking this. I need to relax. Seriously. ...I need to relax.

Over thinking

I'm over thinking.  I need to relax.  I'm a day late

Smh

I felt like crap this morning.  It was possible onset of a migraine.  It subsided.  However aims still aced my test. I should be sick more often. I didn't care. I just took it. No thought. ..no second guessing.  98.

Nothing

One of these where nothing is coming to me. Studying for tests. I'll be better next week. ..or something

So much

Before I know it I will be done w school.  Crazy! I have so much excitement.  I am so ready for my career!

White Rabbit

No time lose. Hello goodbye.  I'm late Im late I'm late. For some reason that is what popped into my brain when I took a breather to start on another review

Conversation

I love those conversations where it gets you thinking. Dreams. ...actually fulfilling them. Saying your dream is one thing. Talking about doing your dream is another.  You sharing that is important.  And then it's another thing to do it. That adrenaline. That feeling of realizing that your dream is coming true.  A day late. But that's ok.

Breathe in Breathe out

I can do this. Just take a deep breath.  Sighs. I'm  wad of nerves.

Dedication

That's what this feels like. My passion.  I dedicate much of my time to my passion. And I'm ok with that. This makes vine happy.  Even studying makes me happy n it means I'm closer to my dream

Stressing out

I gotta admit.  I was stressing out on this test. I couldn't figure how I was going ro remember.  I found crazy ways to. Plus, I had pep talks w a few friends.  It really helped.  It sounds silly to be this hardcore but doing this means so much.  So it's important that I do well.