Never say never

As I grudgingly said those words as I initially thought of Justin Beiber, I was happily interrupted by my friend that pointed long before Beiber had those words imprinted on our brains there was Fifel of American Tails.  As I get older, I have accepted I can't say those words.  Things that I imagined I would very unlikely say or do have come to light.  I accept that things change and my life...and so will my perspective.  It's a wonderful lesson to learn to not say those words.  I can say the likelyhood of something may be slim.  I can say it's highly unlikely I will be friends or talk to that particular person.  Life is too short.  I don't have the energy to fight with people.So never say never.  Now...if you'll excuse me, I feel like watching that song from American tail.

What's in a future?

It is something to think about when you are making the big decision and for that matter, the small ones.  I thought about that with a friend as she embarks on a new journey.  I could feel envy but I did that.  Perhaps not at the level that she will be able to...but I left the nest...so to speak.  I think traveling is good for people to grow up.  You learn new cultures. It helps you adjust your perspective.  You learn not to be narrow minded. I hope one day my kids experience that.  I know my daughter speaks of that traveling experience.  That makes me smile.  It makes me smile that she understand how traveling is important in a growing experience and wants to do that.  What's in a future? Sometimes your bad decision make a good outcome.  That's the strange part of a story unfolding and decision being made.  I never in a million years would have imagined my life like this as decisions I made almost 20 years ago could have affected me right now.  Something to think about.

Comfortable in your own skin

I'm trying to imagine that. I myself have felt comfortable. Then, society would make me question my comfort. So growing up I confuse myself. Once I listened to my own voice...I was comfortable again. It's intriguing to imagine gender identity,  sexual orientation, and other aspects of a person and also being comfortable in your own skin. Some are...but society says otherwise. Maybe that's why it's easier for me to accept. I have an open mind because I hope someone would be witj me.

Complications

My blog was said and done. But the blogger had complication. So this is short and sweet.

Remember

People who sacrificed...I remember you. My complicated friendship with a friend even after death....I remember. Death anniversary today.

I got your back

I love those words. They're simple,  yet powerful. Sometimes the reason can be explained later. As I had a moment where I non verbally said that to my friend and the look of gratitude on his face...it reminded me of how simple and powerful support comes in all its beautiful shapes and forms

Authentic you

When you do that you have only one truth. No lies. No secrets. That many secrets in the shadow will make one usually very miserable. You apologize if you hurt someone along the  way.  However,  don't apologize for being authentic you. As long as you do it kind, you're not doing it wrong. Authentic you is to be valued and cherished. Authentic you is to be loved...for just that. Authentic you.

Nothing

Some days I got nothing. This would be one of those days.

The feels

Today always gets me misty eyed.  It still isn't easy. They say time heals. I'm certainly not as in much hardache as I was then. But maybe because my story had more hardache back then.

History

There are people,  both good and  bad that play roles in the story you create
So when the worlds collide unexpectedly you are curious how the story unfolds. In this case, tonight,  it's for good. But it will be a curious sight to merge parts of my story. My story as Ortiz. My story as Moser. Now, my story as Kearney. Let the journey begin. Let my story write itself. Let it just unfold. This is my history. This is my Her story.

Date night in

I like mixing it up. I like date night out. But a date night in is just as good. Sometimes, even better. It makes me smile. And  if you'll excuse me I have a husband that wants to lean on me

Perspective and adjustments

Beautiful conversation with one of my oldest dearest friends. I miss her. Life happens and we both get busy. So I'm always happy to catch up. We talked of many things but a big part was perspective and adjustments. It's always good to see anodized to things. You learn from it.

Rain, hot tea, and a book

After this blog, it's what I'm settling in to do. Last  week was so busy I barely had a chance to read. Some quiet time has come. It's raining and hot tea seems fitting. Off I go!

Where chips may fall

It's something new I have had to work with in the past few years.  Let the chips fall and then take it from there.  I learned I couldn't control certain aspects of life.  And by attempting to control it I let a lot of my stress come out.  It's not an easy task.  You have to let the chips fall where chips may fall.  And then from there you react and interact and learn from there.  It's a learning experience, really. And to this day, it is still a process to let the chips fall where they may fall.  But as each day goes by I understand that not controlling everything or trying allows myself and others to grow.  That's important in growing up.  I am still growing up.  Sounds strange coming from an almost 40 woman.  But really, for me, that's the case.  So let's see where chips may fall.  And let's run with it.

Dallas trip

So much happened.  So much positive happened.  It's definitely an experience being in charge of 7 girls. 7 teenage girls, at that.  In any group you do have a your "drifter" or one who who's a little more trouble than the others. Alice was that girl.  But at the end of it, she sent me a text thanking me for taking care of her and the girls and for being a  responsible chaperone. She followed up with not all adults were keeping up with where the girls were.  We did a lot of texting.  I wasn't always on the same bus as all my littles, which made no sense to me.  But you roll with the punches.  Nor have all my littles close by at the hotel.  The girls checked in frequently.  Some really understood my reasoning for it and did it without being told.  It was such a beautiful experience.  I observed that not all had this experience.  Except for a misunderstanding that happened the trip was a success.  Plus, I got an activity off my un bucket list.  I didn't even know it was on it.  Which is why I call it Unbucket.  I went to the book depository which has now been turned into the museum where Kennedy was shot.  That was such an experience.  I can't even tell you.... Plus, being fascinated with JFK, this museum held so much more meaning.  I have been fascinated with the Kennedys in general for a good portion of my life.  I wasn't able to really enjoy the Dallas Museum of art because our bus broke down and that cut into our museum time.  No matter. We saw Newsies that night.  I went to a play with my daughter.  That was an experience unto itself.  But then, watching this play was also electrifying.  And then watching Ashley keep the girls in check.  I've rubbed off on her! I am so proud to be her heart mom.  We also went to Fiesta Texas which was a lot of fun! Ashley gave me Red Velvet oreos.  I love them!!! There were just little moments that made this trip so memorable.  Of course, I had to cry at least once.  I saved it just before we saw the play.  She was tickled.  She knew it was coming.  I love my lovies.  Oh how I love my lovies.  I have such a great family.  That includes, strangely, Sandra.  Yes, it was Jeremy that provided the financials for going on this trip. And yes, he has opened a door for my to be the kind of mom I want to be. But it is Sandra that completely has opened it.  We also got to have a girls night in gabbing the night before.  It was hilarious.  And my parents...especially my mom who I got the advice to be this type of mom.  Ashley was proud of me.  I could see it by our interaction.  I saw it in the interaction of the girls.  And somewhere in all this I was a calm parent. Wait...what???! Yes.  I was a calm parent.  I guess I felt I had to be.  These girls were depending on me to be the adult.  I was adulting.  And I made a friend! She's a heart mom too. This Dallas trip was just...life changing.

Adventures with the lovie

I'm always talking about how memories are important. There will be so many made. I'm so excited. Of course,  youn know  me. I'll be documenting one way or another! Here's to adventures with the lovie!

Life is poetic

What really makes this journey  I'll be taking is how full circle my daughter and I have gone. I never would've imagined this moment.  It's a better feeling than I could've fathom. It's beyond anything, really. Life is poetic.

Buffer

I'm so happy to be this for certain friends. Been busy today. Not much  for inspiration. Ti br a buffer means I help remove toxins for you.

Kindness

It makes you wonder what would happen if we were kinder to each other.  I thought about this morning as I read a post about someone being beaten to death.  A friend of mine had shared a post about someone in her area.  Then, with all the different tensions with ethnicity relations.  Did we learn how to shut our hearts out? Has our perspective changed so much that we have to receive something in order to dole out kindness. And that expectation just seems...dirty and unnatural.  I, by no means am an angel.  But it starts with my actions.  I try to be kind.  I try to let others go past me if they are in a hurry.  I forgive someone if I feel they have wronged me.  The only thing now is I am also kinder to myself.  If I feel someone or something threatening my health or well being I am more likely to avoid the person or environment.  I don't have the same threshold for negativity.  Kindness...something to think about. It's such a simple concept. Yet, it is so hard to do at times.

My support

I feel cherished and loved for the  person I am. The crazy, messy, and sometimes confused mess. And in finding my way through my mess I have found clarity. I owe that to my support. They're my strength.  And this strength helps me to face the world. It helps me to face any negativity. It helps me to face judgment. I've got the best people whom have become the family I always aspired to have.

Nostalgia and memory lane

Something about the TV land awards struck a chord. When a show can connect or relate to an audience it's something. I cried, of course. I cry a lot. I'm a sensitive person. It's to be expected. Nostalgia takes you down that memory lane....and you remember that past. Sometimes with pain. More times with bittersweet recall.