Sorry

Apologies for not blogging nearly as much.  Just working a lot.  Keeping busy.  Keeping myself distracted.  Binged Bones. Got plenty of books and movies to get through.  Plus, it's pretty boring.  A nice boring. 

Adulting

If there was any time I really had to be the adult, it's right now.  "Ethan" is certainly grown up.  However, we take care of our kids, no matter what.  I'm the parent.  I protect.  But I also want to give him space to make decisions.  So, it's a balance.  Luckily, I have been getting help, left and right.  It feels good to have people helping us.  I don't feel alone in trying to help him.  "Ethan" is my heart.  I love that kid with all my heart.  While this adulting thing can be exhausting, at times, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

A favorite

This is one of my favorites

My friend "Olivia" took this.  This is my new favorite picture of myself.  I love my smile.  I love how happy I am in the space I'm in.  I love how I love myself.  I look beautiful...and happy

For the Love of Photography

Falling in love with photography...again

In one's life, we take paths.  They lead to different lives.  They lead to different ways we end up living our life.  Part of me likes to think of alternate paths I took, with alternate selves.  In one, I am a photo journalist.  In it, I am in love with photography.  As I am in this life.  The thing is, I don't need the career.  In this life, I am perfectly happy posting it to Instagram.  I am happy to share with fellow photographers the beauty we see in the world.  I have two such friends that bring out the photographer in me.  I feel inspired by them.  They both helped me to find that love again for it.  Only this time, as an adult, I do it purely for love of taking pictures.  For capturing a moment.  For capturing beauty.  There is such darkness in the world, these days.  I like to take pictures more now, to evoke that light.  To bring beauty into such ugly in the world.  Because I have found, sometimes, that beauty finds itself, even in the most heartbreaking, horrendous, and ugly places.  Perhaps, even more so because the origin of its beauty was not born of pure or goodness.  I love pictures.  I love black and white pictures.  I love seeing contrast.  I love seeing shadows that overlap and contrast on pictures that are in color.  I am just fascinated with it.  I went to a festival.  It was a Polish festival.  My friend "Olivia" wanted to go.  But as we were on our way to the festival we passed the Missions.  We ended up going there, as well.  At least, two of them.  It was a beautiful experience just being in the space.  I felt so alive, if that makes sense.  I felt amazing, just taking these pictures.  For myself.  For inspiration.  For beauty in the world.  For beauty to find itself in this world.  I hope you like them

More active

With Jeremy gone, I have decided to get more active.  It gives me a great distraction.  I get to listen to my music.  I work out with Just dance working out where I dance to 4 usually intense songs.  And /or I walk 60 minutes.  And/or I do 7500 steps.  I've also been trying to eat healthier.  I am video chatting with one of my oldest friends, Platinum.  It's awesome.  We were in military, together.  Yeah..would you believe me...moi..was in the military, once upon a time?! I have lived a few different lives.  lol
Btw, that's the name she said to give her on blog. Too funny.  I just wanted to write a few lines.  Back to my regularly scheduled life.

Resilient

Sign of Affection by Paul Cardall is on.  As it turns out, I'm more resilient than I thought.  Sometimes, I think part of me thought I was co dependent on Jeremy.  This new normal..this new job...this new life, is showing me that I do just fine.  I miss him.  I miss holding him.  I miss kissing him.  I miss all the physical part of our relationship.  But it's not everything with us.  We text and Facebook throughout the day.  We video chat.  We are living separate lives, together.  This is temporary.  It's raining hard right now.  Rain is a beautiful sound.  I worked two shifts today.  Yesterday, I worked 6 hours.  Work has been wonderful with distraction.   My shows keep me busy.  I also am reading The Lost Order, still.  I spent Easter with family which was nice.  Family is important.  It's a different vibe with my family.  I am happy that I am older.  The hurt isn't necessarily gone.  But I can easily spend time and forge bonds because there is evolving on both sides.  I have evolved.  That is an important part of my life.