In that time

I haven't quite had the time or the energy to blog like I used to.  I work almost full time now.  I am more involved with one of my agencies.  In between that time, working out or photography takes up my time.  I see Jeremy on the weekends.  That's what makes up my life, at the moment.  It works.  Life is a little chaotic.  But in a good way.  I started wearing skirts again.  I'm feeling like my old self from my 20s.  I am building up my confidence back.  I love this side that is re emerging.  There is nothing wrong with being happy in a couple ship.  But I am learning to gain my independence on what is my passion in life.  Such as photography.  I am getting my identity back.  It wasn't anything Jeremy was or wasn't doing.  It was something I had to figure out for myself.  Our anniversary was last weekend.  It was epic.  I went to Austin for the weekend.  That was my gift to Jeremy.  He got me a new ring guard.  I lost my engagement ring for several days.  Luckily, I found it.  But the man was going to buy me a new ring.  Holy shitcakes lol I was more than happy to have a ring guard.  And what a ring guard it is.  It's beautiful.  I burst into tears.  Happy tears, of course.  It was insane.  He left a couple of hours ago.  I miss him.  But I understand our sacrifice, right now.  And it's a worthy cause.  So we endure.  We adult lol

This weekend

Going up to visit Jeremy was amazing.  I stayed one day longer.  It was a nostalgic weekend.  Jeremy and I played video games and pin ball machines from our youth.  We played the infamous Addams Family one from our UTSA days.  I played skeet ball.  We played Pac Man on this huge screen. 
It was an indescribable weekend.  I gained a perspective of how life isn't always in black and white.  That really grey is the color of life.  I learned so much this weekend.  I learned that I will have struggles with Jeremy.  And that's okay.  We reset  like this weekend and we are okay.  I'm human.  I will have my feelings.  He's human. He will goof up on me  We're human.  We won't always communicate properly or well.  But then....we do.  I'm so proud of Jeremy.  He's doing well at work.  We're helping each other to evolve in our relationship.  We're being able to live our lives together...and separate.  It's not ideal.  But it's a whole lot better than Arizona.  As I write this, there is much I am not writing. Yet, I feel like you can see my smile.  I feel different.  In a good way.  Here's to enjoying life, taking each day at  a time. 

Every day

Every day I fall in love with my photography journey.  Some days seem boring with the concept.  Yet, I find ways to think about what it will be.  Sometimes, I think I know what it will be.  And I conceptualize it to the end.  Other days, it's just as much a surprise to me. I'm so happy.

This feeling of peace

I have Melody Gardot radio going.  That's my photography music.  I'm looking at Jeremy and smiling.  This feeling of peace is intoxicating.  I'm uploading today's concept.  I'm thinking of tomorrow's concept.  I'm thinking of work.  I'm thinking of life.  I do get nervous about this new position, at times.  I worry I won't get it or not perform.  And then, I remember, my boss saw this potential and greatness in me, the first time she met me.  I'm going to have those self doubt moments.  I've spent most of my life doubting myself.  But I am amazing.  I'm smart.  I'm a badass.  Certainly, my confidence is so different.  I have a lot more confidence, these days.

My groove

I love that I'm finding my groove.  Mr. Shasta from Laura Sullivan is on.  I worked both jobs, today.  First the caregiver position.  Then, the coordinator position.  I put on my music and I work.  I love it.  I decorated my desk with a mouse pad Jeremy got me at PAX.  I have my unicorn stress ball and my name plate that my friends got me for my birthday.  I have a system, now.  Today was about organizing.  I check email at the beginning and end of my shift.  I make phone calls.  If I need to print out more processing packages, I do that.  Which is what I was doing, today.  Then, I got an assessment.  After I worked out.  I did body combat and treadmill.  I'm about to heat up some leftovers and watch a movie, maybe.  I'll be talking to Jeremy, soon on video chat.  Life is good.  I'm finding my groove.  Working out is really helping my mental health. 

Some pictures

birthday picture

THIS.... sighs

I came home to these

The concept was Frozen

My boss is amazing

 Something spoke to me about this

Sometimes, you have to look someone, straight in the eye, and say ...Thank you.

Thank you

What a weekend

I'll be upfront.  I wasn't looking forward to my 42nd birthday.   But as it was leading up to my birthday, things happened.  Photography changed me life.  I got a promotion at work.  Jeremy and I were in sync like scary crazy good.  By the time my birthday rolled around, I was ready.  After all, my friends kept pointing out...42 is the answer! (Movie thing lol)
In the end, it taught me that it's a number.  I hear that constantly.  But somewhere, somehow, I finally listened...on a spiritual level.  I keep talking about this peace inside.  It's a warm feeling of calm.  I have bouts of panicky or nervousness.  I have to talk myself off that panic level from time to time.  I'm not completely cured of all trauma.  But I am certainly not the broken woman I remember.  I don't recognize myself....and yet, I do.  She's been there all along, waiting to be seen.  She was waiting to really be seen. Every day is an opportunity to learn and grow.  I enjoy the growth I feel.  I enjoy pursing my happiness.  That turned into my life's purpose.  The pursuit of happiness and peace.  It comes in different forms.  It has different times.  But it all pieces together to bring peace in my life.  As I remember Dorothy from Wizard of OZ being told by the Good Witch..."You had the power all along"....so do I, remember...

I had the power...all along.

Thank you, again, my quiet spaces, for taking the time to read my thoughts.  It is never lost on me.