The line of work

Sort of building on that blog entry of impact, it struck me regarding times I have doubts on where my life leads me.  As people have been doing their job, having careers, and making money, professionally, I have felt so lost.  Truthfully, I felt like a loser in the past.  Now, keep in mind, I was also dealing with the before Me that had Javier's voice in my head instead of mine.  So I take that into account regarding my thoughts on professional life.  Many survivors have difficulty on functioning in life.  As you have read in my blog entries, I used aspects in order to survive.  I had a very Lifetime kind of life before settling into a Hallmark kind of life.  And even with my Hallmark life, my rape had a lot to do with how I was reacting to things in my marriage.  I was always trying not to define that one incident as my whole life.  The problem was I wasn't facing that I hadn't faced it.  So you can imagine that many of us survivors can't quite hold jobs like we would.  You have different type of survivors.  Some barrel their way into work and become ballbusters.  Some whither into oblivion.  Much of it, I attribute to the kind of experiences we had growing up.  I was handling my personal life well enough.  But I was wandering around, without direction.  I hadn't realized at the time my undergrad wasn't a direct jump to a career.  It's more broad.  Knowing that, I'm not sure, looking back if I would've chosen it.  I have a master's in psychology.  However, because of my Epilepsy, I am limited on the places I can work.  I had wanted to go into social work.  Unfortunately, it isn't conducive to my health.  I tried Massage Therapy.  That seemed like a promising lead.  I haven't been able to pass the test.  By 1 point.  Twice.  I struggle with the test.  I don't test well already.  While my learning disability hasn't been a monkey wrench for me in the past, I noticed it was part of my struggle with this test.  But here I am, in this line of work.  It's not glamorous.  But it's important work.  And for the clients I have, in some ways, I am their hero.  I am a friend.  I am a companion.  I am a helper.  I am an "assistant".  I am an odd sort of family friend.  I am an extension of them, at times.  People have a purpose in this life.  Mine is caregiving.  One way or another, I've been a caregiver all my life.  It's just my nature as an Empath.  Over the course of my life, I have found those who take advantage of my giving nature.  Most especially like someone with Narcissistic traits like Javier.  It didn't stop me from continuing my caregiving.  I did Customer Service for 20 years.  I might've stayed if it wasn't so stressful.  I was a legal assistant for 2.  I might've stayed if it was less stressful.  Caregiving has its own kind of stress but somehow, I can handle it.  Somehow, my condition is controlled under this umbrella.  I've been 9 months seizure free.  And even the episode I had was not a full seizure.  I am the healthiest I have ever been.  The line of work may not seem important to you, but like Sandra Bullock says... You're a hero to the person that gets the seat
We're a hero to someone that receives our service. Structures from Silence from Steve Roach is one