Reflections

I started a reflections journal.  I needed to stay away from blogging.  I needed something more personal and to myself.  Jeremy came to visit this weekend.  It was an amazing trip.  I am still on this Jess journey.  It's been a much needed journey of self reliance and self sufficiency.  Nocturne in A minor by Chad Lawson is on.  I am in therapy again.  This year has definitely triggered many things by seeing Javier in court.  He terminated his rights.  It was jail or that.  But since then, I couldn't write.  I was dealing with the whole experience of it all regarding seeing him. There is much drama and damage that he did.  The emotional damage is just starting to show up and I'm seeing it in therapy.  I have a great therapist.  I'm learning how to use my voice.  I learning how to speak up.  I'm learning how to take up the space I deserved to take, rather than learning to react to the world.  Funny how my perspective was part of my problem.  I was still not seeing my worth...and here I thought I was.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm starting over.  But in a good way.  Jeremy and I continue to learn to communicate. Marriage is not easy.  But every day we choose each other.  And every day we connect together.  I am still on this Jess journey.  I don't know what direction it plans to take.  But I want to learn every day how to heal my broken soul.  I'm strong.  I'm a warrior goddess.  But it's okay to be the hot mess too.  And some days, I'm both. 

This was the first day he was here. I had just picked him up from the airport

We didn't plan this

This was today, just before I dropped him off at the airport

I went to the McNay recently and was able to get the postcard this time.  I'm so happy I got to bring this home.  Happiness.  Happiness. Happiness.