It reminds oneself what is really important. When I take a step back and see what is important it helps me know I'm heading the right direction. I don't apologize for whom I've become. I'm sorry it doesn't jive of what you expect from me. But my priority is myself. It may sound selfish. But wellness is well being. And my health includes staying away from people and things that make me anxious. The longer" this" goes on...the more confirmed and confident I feel about going silent. I'm not angry. I'm disappointed. ..really. I just wasted a year. I thought I saw something. ...a spark...of maturity. Instead. ..I saw inconsiderate. I saw selfish. I saw good too. But when your bad outweighs your good...well...time to move on. It helps in your own way, you have too. So there's the elephant in the room. We can still be friends. We just won't be close.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
I've become an advocate. Living with this condition does determine some of my choices. Like my sleep cycle. Sometimes I think I did such a good job of not letting my condition define me that people forget I have it. So..today I wear purple. I wear purple for Epilepsy day.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Some might not understand it. Im sorry you feel that way. But I'm learning that we all have this journey. And even if the destination is similar we all take different roads to get there. I respect. ..I may not like someone else's way to take a journey. However, I respect that journey because I would like the same courtesy. And I don't apologize for making myself a priority. Or my health.
Monday, March 24, 2014
It seems odd to be ignoring Jeremy. However, he's training so I want him to focus. So I will pretend he's not there. Out of sight. Out of mind. So far..it's good. He has the top floor. I have the bottom. 3 words I told him today. You don't exist. lol
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
I didn't feel the confidence I usually feel at work. I take that back. The first half was amazing. The second half...not so much. My lotion ran out. Which wasn't a problem. I had a back up ready. It wouldn't open. My stomach growled during the session. A couple of other things. And right now I still feel exhausted. I've got to put it past me. Those days will happen. I got so spoiled about having amazing and spectacular days I forgot the reality of not every day is going to be magical. Blogging helps to let it go.
Monday, March 17, 2014
I didn't realize how good it feels to have a partner that supports you. Someone that not only accepts you but embraces and loves that side of you that sometimes you second guess. I'm happy. I don't apologize for it. I will try not to come across as rubbing it in someone's face. But I want to share. And if I don't always show the not so perfect sides it's because I don't believe in airing my dirty laundry. Back to Jeremy. He never ceases to amaze me. I'm so happy we found each other.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Oh indeed. I had my first facial today. It was attached to a massage so I had time to ease into itm I blanked out on the steps. I blanked out on how to wrap. Thank goodness for making friends. Rudy and Ana were so helpful. They helped refresh my memory before the appointment. I got through it. It went smoother than I thought. I just....blanked! !!! lol. Yes. I had 5 minutes to freak out.Then figure a game plan. That and ask for help. I am not above asking for help. lol. What an adventure. So that's my learning curve for the day. It's a different beast out in the "real world". But I'm learning so much.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Last night I was watching a documentary about the medical benefits of weed. Dr. Sanjay Gupta was the medical correspondent. It was hightlighting many conditions it could help. But the prominent one was Epilepsy. I saw a little girl about 15 months having a seizure. It said she had up to 75. It doesn't escape me that while I've struggled with my health in my past I haven't been to that level of severity. And that I will remind myself to make the best of my situation. After all....it could be worse. Much worse. But I do have my struggles. And anyone who is willing to minimize that whether from humor, impatience, or selfish notions....well then...you are detrimental to my health. If I sound harsh...I don't mean to...but my health is a priority and I got a rude awakening that some don't see it that way. I won't confront. I simply just not do anything.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sometimes it gets too much. Any amount of positive just doesn't seem to overpower it. You get that people have bad days. You get that not every day with every waking moment things are unicorns and cupcakes. But if you decide that the bad day or the negative energy is validated. And don't control it...you will find that people won't want to be around. You can say you try. But if you really don't. ..then space is what you'll get... I imagine. At least from me. I want to help people. But my health and well being are priority. And if you can't understand that...well...I'll give you space. ..till you figure that out.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Those weren't words that described me. Chaotic was mire like it. But these days I find peace in being centered. So much busy moments in the day....that to take moments and embrace that quiet is rare...and beautiful. I get list in it. I clear my thoughts. I find clarity
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
Laugh all you want. Judge if you must. But the DVD is a brilliant invention. Oscars is huge for me. I can't help it. Movies are a big part of my personality. So is music. Which is why Oscars and Grammy are my favorite award shows. I couldn't watch it. But that didn't stop me from enjoying right now. Now...sometimes it does cut off some of the show. So the next best thing is primetime on demand. Yah. Ok. Back to the show