Different experience. Different reaction. Different outcome. That's something to appreciate. I do. It's a perspective I've come to appreciate
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Monday, December 29, 2014
Friday, December 26, 2014
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
Ever get into a situation where you watch someone you care about and have to let them fall? You want to protect them. You want to show them the error of their ways. But what if the whole point is to to let them learn. And that won't be accomplished if you're protecting them constantly. You have to let people you care about fall. I think it's one of the most difficult things to do. You watch them. You're there in a supportive role. However, you don't interfere. It pains you to just watch as they seemingly fail. And even if they aren't failing they are possibly wandering into a spiral that is not healthy, at that. It's not that I know so much. It's just that I have experiences. And those experiences have harnessed a therapy type role. I am a mother hen of sorts. I don't mean to parent. But I do. I've been there. At least listen to my "take". I hope I am wrong. I'd love to be proven wrong, really. But somehow, in the long run, I don't see that happening. But sometimes that's why you gotta let them fall. They have to learn the lesson. A lesson learned.
Friday, December 19, 2014
It's as though people were angry all over. A friend pointed out that this might be because people are shopping and stressed. It saddens me that one has to be stressed about that. What kind of family do tou have if you're worried how they will react to tour present? And then the anger. I found my sanctuary. I was able to decompress. I also had my own frustration about unable to find medical ID jewelry in person. Then, just as I'm ready to call it a day...I find one. I almost cried. The day turned positive. Anger will consume. I know. It used to consume me. It doesn't serve one well. It was something I had to learn. The object or target of my anger doesn't receive it. I'm the one that feels the toxin and pain. I suffer the consequences. One can't control the way things go. But one can control how they react. Theses were the thoughts I had that made the day interesting. That and me finding a medical bracelet.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
My sense of smell is quite astute and rather sensitive. I was on a hunt for clary sage. I got something better. I got something that also included chamomile. That helps calm me too. I'm already an anxious person by nature. Epilepsy just amplifies it. Aromatherapy intrigues me. Homeopathy is something I'd like to learn more about. Metaphysical understanding is something I am open to. Like Faith. ..tou can't always see something. It's more about feeling and intuition. That is bot to say logic doesn't have a beautiful purpose to serve. It just means I like incorporating these two sides to my personality.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Monday, December 15, 2014
I can't quite explain the kind of energy that people have running around them. I stopped seeing it. The aura, I mean. Back to the subject...But the idea of putting out the right energy is important. I am leery of whom "practices" or delves into the idea of energy. So it's hard for me to allow myself an energy cleanse or reiki or anything, really. However, I trust my friend Krissi immensely. So I allowed her to do a session. I had to be open to it. That was the most important part. I'd like to think I am open minded to things I can't always see. I felt a sense of "cleanse". I almost want to say it was a surge of points...chakras? I am not quite sure what I was feeling. It felt good. I feel rejuvenated physically but most importantly, emotionally. My anxiety feels "placed somewhere else besides on me". I know that sounds strange. But that's the feeling I have. Oregano was involved. It's catnip for me, really. I am a happy clam. Clary sage is also a good aroma for an epileptic. What's interesting is my olfactory sense is quite astute. I have a sensitivity to certain smells. It's quite...intriguing...yes that;s a good word... to me... Energy, ambiance, and oregano. You wouldn't think they necessarily create such an environment for me to to feel "at home" in my own body at times. The anxiety that sometimes is there makes me feel funny in my own skin at times. It's hard to explain to people. I might get a funny look. You might be making that face right now. You were considerate enough to read my blog. The least I can do is be authentic and tell you what's on my mind or what I'm feeling. Sometimes I like the idea of thinking or feeling "out of the box". Think about it the next time...Energy, ambiance, and aromatherapy.
Friday, December 12, 2014
My constant companion. She is my familiar. We do not speak through words. Somehow, I know...I know her love. I know her moodiness. I know when she needs space. It hurt to lose Brody. I hold her just a little tighter. She expresses annoyance. Yet, she lets me. I take so many pictures. She lets me. I spoil her so. I am owned by her. I am perfectly okay with that. Her purr makes me so happy. She cuddles and I melt. I can't even tell you that feeling. Oh Whiskers...:) you are dear to me, my baby girl.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Jeremy works with an amazing group of guys. They work wrll together and are friends outside of work. It's nice to see Jeremy on his element. Christmas party was fun. It's nice to mingle on my own. Jeremy likes that. He doesn't have to worry about me being a wall flower!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
There's something about organizing to caters to my OCD tendencies. I feel calm when I organize. I like the sense of control and order it brings. I don't have severe tendencies but they are there. I always blame them on my anxious nature that brims below the surface. I can control that anxiety better these days thanks to being married to Jeremy. I imagine if I were analyzing myself it's something to do with the assault. Back to organizing...I like small projects of organizing. For example, I accidently uninstalled my recipes for my food planner. So organize I went. I am attempting to organize our linen closet with our towels. I am trying to organize my study information for MBLEX. I organized my jewelry. It's like everything should have its place somewhere somehow. That type of order distracts me from my own anxiety. I am focus on something. That's usually how it works for me. I can't be the only one. I am quirky and weird by nature. My brain process does run on a different machine. However, I don't think I'm unique in thinking productivity provides a sense of calm. That the focus does something. It's something about organizing.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Keeping yourself open to inspiration is important. It means you allow different perspectives to influence decisions in your life. Sometimes you surprise yourself and tou become tge inspiration. Other times you find the right people in your life and the smallest things become moments of just inspirations. They key is to be open. Being open means you see the positive of each situation. ..no matter how hard it is. That fighting spirit of positive outlook will take a person far. A person becomes inspired. Perhaps a person learns. That is what is beautiful about inspiration.
Friday, December 5, 2014
I think the wrong message of harassment is being portrayed in the media. The news bothers me because I wish people would think more before buying into a cause. The intention is good. But there is morw to stories than what a news blip is going to put out. The two big controversial stories are not the same. One is a clear case of brutality. The other is an excuse to start a riot. Which it did. I think in the case of Michael Brown the correct verdict was brought. On Eric Gardner's. ...the opposite. Ok. Enough soap box. There is only so much opinion to put out there tgat I'm comfortable with
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
I am thinking of you and your family. I will be there for just a bit tomorrow. But know. .it's with much love and heart. The anguish you feel is unimaginable. You are surrounded by love. You are not alone in your pain. We cry with you. We hurt because you hurt.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
This sanctuary finds its form in many ways for me. Sometimes it is a physical place. I feel my sanctuary in the living room. I have my laptop, my music, the lamp...there is an ambiance of safety. Then...Jeremy becomes my sanctuary. He makes me feel safe from the harsh reality outside of my comfortable walls. Suddenly, by his hug or being by his side I fee stronger handling certain people or situations. Music is my sanctuary. I surround myself with calming music that enhances the calm I am attempting to keep inside.
Sometimes it is a place, or person, or some form of your faith. Just embrace that safe feeling and cherish. It's a beautiful feeling. All I can say is that sanctuary is important. Go to it. It's a gift to have. It's a gift to be