Thursday, March 15, 2018

Ruth Ann Schabaecker

Beyond the Moment by Patrick Oh'Hearn is on.  It seems fitting for today's quote.

-Ruth Ann Schabecker

Sometimes, some days are better than others if you're going through an ordeal.  Sometimes, the days seem to overlap you don't know where one ends and begins.  Some days just don't have that feeling of excitement or happy like they used to be.  This quote reminds me of how each day gifts us with a new opportunity to learn and in some cases, heal.  Untie the ribbon.  See how this day will be a gift to you.  This was the quote I had planned the other day.  

Also, while I am on only child, I do consider some of my friends' children.  I lost nephews some years ago.  I gained more nieces.  But in this case, since the beginning, there are two girls that I have always seemed as my nieces.  And yesterday, while I was spending some time with their mom, a beautiful thing happened.  They drew my necklace.  It's the Tardis in Starry Night.  I had just come from work.  I had worn in to work.  Also, I have been playing around with my new phone an its camera feature.  A friend of mind helped me figure out the filters on it.  
This is my favorite.  It's also my cover picture right now on Facebook

The younger one drew this one

It was Pi day, yesterday

Both of them worked on this one

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

I had the quote ready

I had my blog entry ready.  I had the quote.  Then, as I'm writing, I'm not feeling i,  today.  Not necessarily because I'm in a mood.  Just that it doesn't seem the day to write about that quote.  Strange, huh? So, I'm at a loss to write.  That's a first! Perhaps, I'll talk about appreciation.  It's something that has made me smile with more than one person.  It's different types of appreciation.  But the gist is patience with each other.  Kindness about each other's space and time.  In a world, where it's not just automatic, it's nice to be able to acknowledge that with people. Especially those  that mean the most to you.  Peace by Eric Harringer and John Paul Lacey is on.  I hope today you acknowledge to someone how much you appreciate their patience with you or that they understand your schedule doesn't always align with theirs.  And yet, they understand.  That is a gift to have.  Someone like that.  Lucky for me, I have more than one person like that. 

Monday, March 12, 2018


I had a quote lined up for today's blog.  Suddenly, I wanted to blog about this picture.  I took it because I was inspired.  1) I had been inspired to pay attention more to the outside since a friend of mine sends me pictures.  I love photography.  Probably why I love Instagram so much.  There are times that I don't post certain pictures to Facebook.  They seem more Instagram worthy.  This one, I did post to both.  But more to inspire a larger group of people.  I felt inspired.  I looked at this picture and just felt...inspired.  Happy.  Heartmelt. Longing for Paradise by Eric Harringer and John Paul Lacey is on.  How fitting.  Again, I just felt inspired.  So, here is the picture.  I hope it inspires you, quiet spaces.  This.  This right here.  I felt inspired to take it all in.

Friday, March 9, 2018


I have a couple instances this week where my patience felt tested.  The first one was a personal conversation that went south.  I inserted my personal experience regarding a very hot issue these days and suddenly felt attacked.  Now, here's a tricky thing about me with feeling verbally attacked.  1) I've already had an episode where someone did that.  They weren't even directing it at me.  I just felt like the proxy punching bag. 2) The older I am getting, the more I have no energy to fight.  It drains me when I fight like that.  It drains me when I have an emotional experience like that, if that makes sense.  Luckily, afterwards, the person actually came back to check if I was okay and apologized to me.  I told them I had to take a walk because I could feel my nerves. Autumn by Ryan Stewart is on.
Anyhoo, in the end, I walked away feeling better about how they approached me.  I didn't like how they started with me on that conversation.  But I did like they way they ended.  I am grateful to Jeremy for helping me learn to argue more effectively.  His debates were frustrating but it also taught me to look for more support and evidence.  If I am going to argue something, be prepared to back it up.  Secondly, I don't mind debating with someone.  I might gain different perspective.  But don't "yell" at me.  Even your passionate side can affect someone like me.  The second instance was Wednesday.  I don't have a boss but if I did, bosslady called me.  That didn't sound good.  She gave me the gist but since I was at work, told me to come in.  Now, personally I felt the conversation warranted a phone call.  But okay.  No set time.  Just come in.  When I called to go, she wasn't there.  So I killed two hours but I felt frustrated.  However, another person, who I don't think is a bosslady but certainly had the authority to talk to me, took over.  She was thorough on what I was "goofing" up on.  I was educated about it.  I didn't feel in trouble.  It won't happen again.  It was all about the approach.  I thank alternative boss lady that she knew me well enough to know if I wasn't educated, I didn't know I was doing wrong.  I didn't have it on my record.  It was just a consultation.  All that stress before the meeting did get me going.  I don't have real cycles.  With my PCOS, it's been like this since I was 29.  Sure, it sounds great...but really, my body doesn't work right and my hormones get out of wack.  Think of it as menopause having a little sister.  I don't get hot flashes.  I don't think.  That two weeks ago episode might have been one.  But other than that, I don't get hot flashes.  I do get hot easily.  While it seems I am a diva with AC, it's actually me getting my hormones in balance.  I am on birth control.  But it's medicine for me to induce a phantom cycle.  So I go through the cramps but I don't actually have a cycle.  Unless I stress myself out.  That apparently, is the case of yesterday.  So I am on my cycle.  Yah.  lol

On to other news,
Jeremy got a new job!He'll be putting his two week's notice in today.  He does some traveling with this job.  But I am used to that.  The job he had while we were dating was similar to this one.  I am so proud of him.  Onto a new chapter.  His birthday is next month so I'm organizing a little thing for him.  No surprises.  He knows about it.  It's especially important now so he can hang out with his work friends.  They are a close bunch.  I know they are going to miss him.  And he's going to miss them.  That's about it.  I have some time before I get ready for work.  I worked a lot this week that I am only working two days next week.  But one day is my long day.  Have an extraordinary day.  And if not, hope you make it extraordinary.  Because you are. 

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Busy week

It's going to be a busy week.  I'm working all week except for Thursday, because I have lunch with Jeremy.  I start my one day new assignment.  Technically, at this point, I have 3 clients.  I'll have two clients that I only have once a week.  And "Mary" whom I have, unofficially.  Just wanted to say hi.  I hope you have a spectacular day, quiet spaces.  As my co worker says, " Make it a great one". 

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

William James

-William James

Touching Silence by Nadama and Shastro is on.
It's interesting to come across this quote.  "Mary" and her words touched upon this last week.  "You don't know the impact you have on us." That makes me smile.  Especially, on a day where inner demons like to work on me.  They are less times.  But they still happen.  This time it was about success in a professional sense.  Because of my condition, I had to change careers.  Social work would not be a good fit for my health.  I tried massage therapy but I haven't been able to pass the test.  I've failed it by one point, twice.  That can be discouraging.  Then, I have to remind myself that success is not necessarily just measured monetarily.  It would be great if I made more money.  But the kind of work that I do is important.  I'd be able to do so much more, professionally if I wasn't dealing with my condition.  I have limits.  I can't work a 40 hour week anymore.  I pushed myself on a 38 hour, once.  I nearly collapsed the next week.  I do what I can, when I can.  Back to making a difference.  I must remind myself that I do.  I'm not sure what stirred up the insecurity on that.  I guess from time to time, life just finds a way to unfold those insecurities.  We must learn how to deal with them.  We must learn how to react to them.  My success is not measured in the amount of money I make.  My success is measured in the difference I am making. 

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Since then

Well....some things happened since last week.  So...I was on my way to work on Thursday, when I had an a typical seizure.  I get warnings.  Something felt wrong.  I was 6 minutes from my client.  And super super early.  I tend to do that.  I could feel I only had a little bit of time to talk.  My left side goes numb.  I'm still completely there with you but my left side is week for about 20-30 minutes, depending on the severity of the seizure.  I call these episodes because they don't feel entirely like a full episode.  Also, a new variable entered.  Right before it happened, I felt hot all over.  Almost like a hot flash.  It was bizarre.  I called work and explained the situation.  I love my company.  They yanked me off of my assignment that day.  Told me to call Jeremy.  I called Jeremy and right away he asked me if I wanted him to pick me up.  Yes.  I know what might be going through your mind.  Why isn't she calling 911? Because they will tell me.  Guess what? You had a seizure.  Here's$ 100-200 for EMS bill.  And $500 for a hospital visit.  Jeremy took me home.  My friend, Red came over.  I tend to be kind of an emotional mess from these things.  I'm embarrassed, mostly.  I finally got my mobility back on my left side and called for an appointment with my neurologist.  I managed to get one in for that day.  Red offered to take me.  MV has been my PA for 4 years now.  I don't have a severe case of Epilepsy so my Doctor asked me if he could transfer me.  I said that was fine.  She's amazing.  We were going to labs on Monday. Checking for levels and my thyroid.  I ended talking with a manager at Caring Companions and explained the situation.  I requested to be taken off permanent assignment.  I was pushing all activities back until Wednesday.  They understood.  They would take care of it.  I had a funeral to go to.  I canceled that.  I had a belated birthday dinner for me.  I rescheduled that.  I was due to go back Tuesday.  I yanked myself off permanently.  It wasn't until yesterday that I worked my morning and afternoon shift.  My afternoon, for her own reasons doesn't always keep the assignment on Wednesday.  But that day she did.  My morning assignment has been requesting more often.  It's not work with "Victoria". I feel like I'm hanging out with a friend and getting paid.  So I worked yesterday.  Things seemed to running smoothly.  I'm tired.  And it was great sleeping in.  I think, in some ways I am still recovering.  That is the other thing.  It doesn't take me this long to bounce back.  It's taking me longer this time.  I've got my strength back.  But I don't feel quite myself, if that makes any sense.  Honestly, it feels more behavioral than anything.  Which sounds bizarre.  It hasn't affected my daily life enough that it's bad.  It's just different.  On top of this, my phone port seems to not want to work.  So I gotta get to a Sprint.  I'm trying to see if I can push off Grocery shopping until tomorrow, after work.  I have dinner for tonight.  I was doing great.  I had gone almost 9 months without an incident of any kind.  I gotta head out.  Life is frustrating but I still have it better than most people with Epilepsy.  I am a special case.  I have had limits, for sure.  But my quality of life has been good.   I don't take that for granted or take it lightly.  I understand the position I have and am very grateful.