Thursday, December 14, 2017
Through the Dark by Helen Jane Long is on. I had quite a messy but wonderful conversation last night. But it brought up something my friend, Aaron, who has passed away, constantly said. I looked it up right now to see if he got it as a quote since it seems like such a quote to be said already. Perhaps not. The quote goes, "Communication is an everyday miracle". I suppose, depending on the person, my communication skills vary. Talking with SADV, "L", Dear One, or CC is like butta. It's so natural. Talking to Jeremy is the easy part. But talking with him, sometimes. That's another thing. We have such a different communication style. It's like we developed a way to meet in the middle with our styles. It's not always difficult to talk to Jeremy. That was part of our pull to each other. We had such a great banter, flirty, playful way with each other. It makes me smile because that hasn't changed with us. We're husband and wife, now. But we still have a great banter, flirty, playful way with each other. It's the difficult stuff that sometimes stumps us. Each couple has to find their language and what I call "their dance". We were no different. Our dance has also evolved. One of the things I am learning about marriage and relationships in general, is the partners need to evolve together, in order to maintain the relationship. Well, in my experience, these are a couple of the things I would say are in the mix, so to speak.
1) What do you have in common? What are you interests, together? What are they. individually?
You want to have some bonds, something that glues you two together. However, you also want to allow each other space in the relationship. Trying to have each waking moment together can feel like suffocating. That is not healthy for the relationship. It also doesn't negate that you have strong bond.
2) A friendship helps. I've seen couples whom are not friends have a great relationship. But I will say this. In my experience, having a friendship with your spouse is such a great feeling. I would say the words, best friend towards my husband. But was I really actively being one? Or he for that matter. We worked on our friendship when we worked on our relationship. We communicated grievances, hurts, happiness things, wants and needs...you name it. We communicated the deep stuff where I got to experience deep emotional conversations and Jeremy didn't feel it was "too much feels". I changed my communication skill
3) Patience. If you want to make it the long haul with your partner...have patience with them. Have patience with each other to improve in communication skills
4) Make sure you're in to win it.
Twice, Jeremy and I have been at the edge on what I call the "11th" hour. We were broken up, once.
We were on the phone. If we hung up, we are confirming that we were done for. Yet, neither of us could do it. We started laughing. It was then that I figured... We will figure it out, somehow.
The second time it happened, was last year. I can't tell you that my perception of a situation was reality or not. But it was enough for me to distrust. Keep in mind. All last year I was dealing with Javier healing stuff. I was opening up years of triggers. One friend had, in the best way possible, "poked the bear" and I had to reconcile with the idea I really wasn't okay. I had this tough exterior up. But I hadn't dealt with my rape. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, it affected my communication style. It affected how I reacted to life. It affected how I reacted to trusting men. That includes Jeremy. We had one night. It seemed like it was the end. I was certain we were looking at divorce. But there again...we stopped. We needed to know if this is what we both wanted. And the answer was a resounding no. So we figured it out. That's what I mean, in it to win it.
5) Convey to your partner that they are the priority. I think both of us failed on that for a little while.
I was still learning and still constantly learn how to communicate healthy boundaries with life, itself. But I noticed when both of us conveyed and actively showed we were a priority, it mattered to that other person. Whether it's work, a video game, another friend...convey to that person, even on a most random way, that they are a priority. It makes a difference.
6) Find what works for you. I've given this insight. But this could be nothing that works for you. It doesn't mean this insight is right. It doesn't mean it's wrong either. This worked for me. Find what works for you.
Funny thing...Number 6 also can also be used for friendship. It's been invaluable to me to remember that. My different friendships work for me the way they do.
Strive to always improve communication skills. That is my goal in life. I want to be a positive impact on people. I want to create healthy relationships with Jeremy and friends and family I care about. I want to have healthy boundaries in life. I want to always improve how I am communicating to the world.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
I want to see:
Call me by your name
Shape of Water
I want to read:
Call me by your name
Strange the Dreamer (I'm still on the fence about the audiobook.)
The Escape Artist
I suppose the Lost Order because I'm in the middle of reading it.
Am I on the naughty or nice list, Mimi?
I got my hair did. I always love getting haircuts. After having an awesome lunch with "Ethan". Kid may be in college but he's always going to be my baby.
I may be playing a little more Trans Siberian more often on these blogs entries. The Dreams of Fireflies (On a Christmas Night) is on. If I can't go to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, bring Trans-Siberian Orchestra to me, via Pandora. It's my day off today. I had a few errands to run. I'm finally sitting down to rest a bit before starting up so more chores before dinner. Plus, I wanted to make some cheese pancakes for us. I figured with "Ethan" home more, just studying for finals, he's gotta have something to eat. Not to mention, I got more yummy stuff for the boys' stocking stuffers. "Alexandria" went through her stuff this weekend. We had a wonderful weekend celebrating her belated birthday. I'm ready for Christmas, kinda. I managed to get Christmas presents in one sitting. I went in for one of my bffs's gift card. I came out with Christmas gifts. "Sarah" gave me my gift early. "Sarah", is Jeremy's ex. We are legit friends. Are you surprised? We have definitely had a colorful past and friendship. We had a fall out years ago when she was going through stuff with Jeremy. And when he and I were dating, we struggled finding solid ground with our friendship. But one day, we sorted it out. We both love the kids. We were going to make it work. And we have. I don't do Christmas gifts. She is one of the few people I accept a Christmas gift from. I have a whole thing about Christmas. I believe in family. I don't believe in the commercialization of Christmas. Or how certain people have expectations on present giving. To tell you the truth, it gives me anxiety. Jeremy and I don't give each other gifts. I love it that way. We do birthdays for each other. That's it. Cards. Now, cards are awesome. Especially because you have to search for that right one. Jeremy is a master card giver. I struggled with words of affirmation for awhile. Or the lack of Jeremy of giving me words of affirmation. What I failed to see is that he shows it in other ways, constantly. I just had to pay attention. Cards is one of them. His two love languages are touch and service. While he never quite took the test, we figured that the two important ways he shows his affection is touch and service. Mine are touch and words of affirmation. But tell you the truth, once I went through therapy, I didn't need any validation from anyone, including Jeremy. Words of affirmation became less of a need for me. When he does something for me, it warms my heart. He is a man of action. I just had to learn to see through this new perspective. And when I need his words of affirmation, I just look at my phone, which has a screen shot of a card he gave me and 10 things he likes about me. Where was this blog entry going? It has a mind of its own. lol Ughs. I finally put it on the Christmas Radio. lol I think I am ready to officially accept Christmas music. Actually, I've heard it all over the place but I hadn't put Christmas music on since we put up the tree. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams is on. Just thoughts. I went zigzag on this blog entry. But really, can you expect anything else from me? I hope you have a beautiful day, my quiet spaces. I appreciate you. I appreciate you reading me. I always do. It warms my heart that you do. Especially you, France. Anyhoo... Back to the beautiful humdrum of my day off. Stay beautiful, quiet spaces. Stay beautiful.
Saturday, December 9, 2017
At least that is what I was saying when I started seeing my Facebook feed explode with pictures of snow. Then, I decided to look outside for myself. There it was. This white thing we call snow. Texas. Snow. That just doesn't quite register. Let alone, San Antonio. The first time I saw snow, I was about 8 years ago. I had this bluish plaid coat on. We had a dog named Brutus at the time. He and I just played happily in this snow. It was a divine day. I remember in 2010 we had snow again. However, this time it was a nightmare. I worked on a hill. I parked my car at the bottom of it and walked up hill. Never again. Empty Shore by Deuter is on. I took pictures. I took video. I was a little kid again. What the Fruit Loops, indeed!