Selena Gomez, Marshmello - Wolves

She's still my woman crush.  Don't judge me lol

Kelly Clarkson - Love So Soft [Official Video]

This song gets me feeling all kinds of groovy.  I feel sassy lol

Peaceful day

I'm getting ready to hang out with CC.  We both have been so busy that we haven't seen each other for awhile.  I blew off two fill ins! I was happy with that.  I was looking forward to today that I wasn't in work mode anymore until tomorrow.  Moonglow by Michael Whalen is on.  Pandora's Spa Music channel is really great to write to when I'm blogging.  Even if it feels like mindless blogging at times.  It felt great to write poetry again! Today is a peaceful day.  I did all my Christmas shopping.  I'm getting tamales for the boys tonight.  We have an out of town visitor this weekend hanging out with us.  Next weekend we'll celebrate Alexandria's birthday.  The week after, Little One is in town.  And then before you know it, Christmas is here. 2017 was a great time to start a new chapter.  And I did just that.  I learned to take in each day and handle it from there.  I really did learn how to live in the present.  I helped myself do that.  But I also had help.  Jeremy and my panel helped me get there.  I have had friends that left breadcrumbs.  They helped along the way but I don't really talk to them anymore.  Not on a bad note.  Just that their purpose to talk to me more faded.  I mended many broken friendships this past year.  That feels good.  When I think about that, that really makes for a peaceful day. 

Destination:Peace of Mind

Reality bent
Not impossible
Though stumped, at first
I've got my bearings, now
I see the new normal

I revel in the improbable
I embrace this maze
But I feel different than expected
I feel free

As though all I need was reality to bend
reality to find a way
That the answer was 42
While was still looking for the question.
Because indeed, that is a question to bare
What now?
Where to?
All I know is I'm okay
All I know is that moving past the improbably means a new future possible
Let the path turn left
meander what may
zigzag wherever
Destination: Peace of mind

Oh, the fun we have

She was pushing me out of the picture

Where is that damn button?! (She took over my phone)

She cracks me up.  She sees the camera and she does her cat pose.

We put up the Christmas tree!!!

We have a little one too

I love my tablet

It was a Chai kind of day

She's trying convince me she's not desperately wanting to pounce the tree

Cooking journals.  Main meals and dessert

Stranger Things. The Game.

One of these days

Trans-Siberian Orchestra is on.  One of these days I want to see it in person.  Christmas Eve is my favorite.  I have avoided it in concert because of the strobe lights but it's such an experience.  What else? Not much else.  I hadn't meant to do my Christmas shopping this yearly.  I went in  for my bff's gift card.  And there I was.  I did some grocery shopping.  I got some candy for the stockings.  I got Whiskers a little mailbox thing for her stocking stuffer.  I need to finish up Christmas cards.  I had lunch with Jeremy.  It's a wonderfully boring day. lol Have a great one!

Surreal world

So much yes.  I can't wait!!!

Gotta catch up on my reading

Things that make you go hmmmm....

I had so much fun with this

I always love how I try to figure out the colors to use

My sketch.  So abstract.  Like stream of thought, in art form

This was one of the tracks playing when I was coloring in my Doctor Who coloring book.  How perfect is that?!

 I behaved today.  But still thought it was funny

This had me laughing.  Especially since I'm Hufflepuff

Ummmmmmmm.......

Surreal

That is the song that is on right now.  It's by Ryan Stewart.  I looked up surreal.  It is having the qualities of surrealism,bizarre.  Synonyms include unreal,unusual, wird, strange, freakish, unearthly,uncanny, and dreamlike.

I could go with that line of thought.  Surreal is a word that actually fascinates me.  I have many moments that are surreal.  Some are happy surreal.  Some are more sad surreal or even traumatic surreal.  We came home from Thanksgiving stuff and I read for a little while.  Jeremy is playing a new video game.  I needed to catch up on some reading.  I'm in the middle of New Order by Steve Berry.  Then, out of nowhere, I was craving some creativity.  I hadn't really had that crave for some time.  But there it was.  It seemed inspired by recent situations. I decided on Doctor Who since I have a new found appreciation for Doctor Who after the new Doctor was announced.  I am super excited to see Jodie Whittaker as Doctor Who.  I can't wait to dress up as Doctor Who at the next Comic Con.  Then, both Jeremy and I can be Doctor Who.  I had my music on and I lost myself in the coloring.  It was a nice feeling.  I used to color to relieve stress.  Now, I color...just because.  It's been used for relieving stress.  But most of the time, it's not.  It's just a just because feeling.  After that, I decide to sketch.  I always feel this abstract I'm not really sure where my drawing or sketching goes.  It's almost like a streaming line of thought or streaming thoughts, in art form.  Sometimes self care has nothing to do with giving yourself therapy for something one decompresses from.  Sometimes self care is giving yourself a happy, a mental hug of sorts.  This was my mental hug...to myself.  This was my emotions taking form and helping me maintain my healthy head space. 

12 years

12 years together....Damn.  Here's to this beautiful adventure called our relationship.  Who knew? Jess Moser and Jeremy Kearney? Craziness! Now, I can't even imagine any other way. 

Here's to Partners in crime.

 The 2017 Family ornaments

#MyShotAtEpilepsy

I don't get into the hashtag scene all that much.  But I made an exception this time.  I posted on my Facebook and Instagram #MyShotAtEpilepsy.  Tada.  I like that I am a personal advocate.  I appreciate that people trust to ask me questions and they are comfortable on asking questions about my condition.  It's important to have discussions and open communication on the condition.  I work.  I drive.  I am limited.  I am not disabled.  There are those whom are.  To me, I see Epilepsy like a spectrum of sorts.  There are different forms.  Some are severe.  Some are more functional.  Like mine.   Through much self care, I have learned to live with my condition.  Not only do I survive it, I thrive with it.  I have Partial Complex Seizure disorder. This is the primary disorder. I  also have Clonic-Tonic variations.  This is the secondary.  Awareness is important. 

So Mondayee

Yeah.  I made that up.  lol


It's nice to finally just sit down and relax.  So...this was my Monday.  I started the morning, thinking of the "reality bent" situation.  I mean....how could I not???! But life continued.  I went to work.  I was going to be picking up "Alexandria" after work.  Somewhere in the mix, "Ethan" waved his wand, responding, after I texted him to find information that he was going to be picking her up.  Now, normally, I would have let up.  But the parent and somewhat of a teacher decided to stand my ground.  With anyone, you must develop a relationship of trust and communication.  You consider someone when talking to them.  And any actions that may affect them.  It seemed like a feeling of butting heads but I felt compelled to stand my ground.  Maybe it's because of my new found confidence.  Maybe it's my earnestness to address things if I feel a boundary crossed,  simply address a grievance, or something that doesn't feel quite right .  Either way, I address it as immediately as possible.  The thoughts are fresh in my mind and I clarify more quickly.  People also knew where I stand faster.  There isn't a sense of lost in translation.  He relented.  Enter a feeling of frazzled.  I recognize the growing pains we will endure with this new reality of ours.  We live with an adult.  But he is still under our roof.  It's actually a matter of teaching my children to be aware of other people.  I want my children to know to consider other people.  If I'm affecting you in some way of my actions, I need to give a heads up.  That's just my take.  Last part of frazzle.  Here's a chuckle for you.  We went to a grocery store that I am not familiar with.  It was like one near our place so I didn't think twice about it.  Gracie's theme by Paul Cardall is on.  Sorry. Squirrel.  Anyhoo, It wasn't until I got to the check out that I realized I hadn't transferred my purse with my credit cards.  That's right.  So I dropped of "Alex" and went back.  A most gracious and wonderful employee, Nelson, absolutely made my day.  He put aside my non perishables.  I went back and got the perishables again so they could be fresh.  He also put the perishables back for me.  And when I came back he scanned it all for me.  All I needed to do was scan the perishables.  This guy doesn't even know what he did for me.  I, being whom I am, needed to tell a supervisor.  I found a manager and relayed my gratefulness.  That was the Mondayee Monday.  Ughs. lol  Lamentation of the Heart by Phillips Wesley is on now.  I really like it.  I just wanted to share that with you. 

True Colours by Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick - Lyric Video

This brought me peace today

Katherine Logan

THE PLACE YOU ARE IN NEEDS YOU TODAY
-Katherine Logan

I don't know how.  But somehow, somewhere, I feel the Universe trying to tell me something.  I am still trying to process what I am struggling to process.  I had a certain set of information about a certain reality.  I accepted that.  And now, that reality seems..."bent".  It's not necessarily a bad thing.  But post Jess, in learning how to cope with life, is trying to cope with different experiences in my life.  Nothing is absolute.  So...the place I am right now needs me to actually be stumped.  That's the word for it.  Stumped.  Perhaps, when I gather my thoughts more in the next few days I can helps myself process better.  I will stay abstract about what this is.  But blogging has always helped me.  And so here I am, writing my thoughts.  As jumbled as they may seem right now.  Interlude by Shane and Shane is on

Becky G - Sola lyrics in english

In my 20s, this was me.  It's interesting to see it English and hear it in Spanish.   I don't connect well with my heritage much.  But through music and dance, I do. 

Bea Miller - repercussions (lyrics)

This song is stuck in my head.  I dare you not to ughs and have the same problem. lol 

Mazzy Star - Fade Into You

This song was on when we  are on our way to Austin. 

George Santayana

THE WISEST MIND HAS SOMETHING YET TO LEARN
-George Santayana

What a profound statement.  It was something I was thinking of when our friends introduced us to a British game show.  It's called the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.  Even with the person who knows so much can still learn.  That goes for someone that has so much insight in the world.  That saying .." The only thing I know, is that I know nothing", sometimes called the Socratic paradox, derived from Plato's account of the Greek philosopher Socrates.  That's what it reminds me of.  Even someone with the most insight can find a different perspective to see the same thing,  It also reminds me of the movie Vantage Point.  My mind goes so many places sometimes.  *Squirrel*
It's a time to take a breather and remember that even if we know alot, we still have much to learn.  And that in order to be a well rounded person, we must stay open to perspectives and have something to learn.  My wisdom for you today.  Blue Horizon by Dan Gibson is on

Meaningful

So...I did something I didn't expect to.  And yet, it brings so much happiness to me, the Universe knew.  Somehow, it's exactly what I was supposed to do.  A little background story for you.  On my 31st birthday, "Ethan" gave me a purple piggy bank full of dimes.  He knows how much dimes mean to me.  I have that purple  piggy bank on my night stand to this day.  Flash forward to today.  It's his 19th birthday.  We're taking him to Pappadeaux.  I already gave him the card we got for him.  The unexpected thing was the sentimental gift.  I'm wearing the trinity knot necklace Jeremy got for me, two birthdays ago.  There is a very sentimental gift I got, some time ago.  It's one of my prized possessions.  But in some ways,  it brings sadness.  I put 19 dimes in the purple bag and gave it to "Ethan".  He loved both the bag and the sentiment.  That was meaningful.  Harry Potter even got in the mix because I said it looks a little like the Deathly Hallows.  And showed him the socks I am wearing for work.  We had a good laugh.  So, in a way, it's a happy sad.  But now, it's turned into such a happy.  Looking back, I used to wonder why the Universe denied me biological children.  It hurt.  And once in a while, I look at my friends with children and have a silent pang of pain.  And then, I look at "Ethan" and "Alexandria" . I smile and nod, knowingly.  So, as today goes through and becomes a memory, I will smile.  I am so proud of the individual "Ethan" has become.  I beam with pride....because I am a part of that reason.  Lotus field by D'rachael is on.

SYTYCD 14 | Lex & Taylor (You Matter To Me)

They are dating in real life.  They met a year ago. They have worked together.  But then, they auditioned together and developed their friendship into a romance.  But revealed it during this performance

Parade Of Lights - Undefeatable (Audio)

Another song I got introduced to on So You Think You Can Dance.  Season 14 was amazing.  I'm happy with the winner.  The whole journey was heartfelt.  I had the feels.  I already do because it's dance.  But even more so with this season. 

Brand New (feat. Luke Wade)

I got introduced to this song, thanks to So You Think You Can Dance.  It inspires me. 

Random in my head

I love this picture of us.  We be snazzy.  

I love my Monday feels

I smile when I sit down to some hot tea.  But looking at all thing in the picture makes me smile.  It all has a story.  And it all makes me smile.  Kind of like a hug for your heart.  

I sent this to my coworker friend.  She loved it.  She's basically me, only younger.  Scary, huh?

THIS. This just made my day, yesterday.  So much so, I used it for the black and white photo challenge on instagram.  

It's gotten to be

It's gotten to be my favorite kind of weather.  For most of the year, I drink iced coffee.  However, at a certain point, I switch to hot coffee or even more preferable, hot tea.  I have so much tea, I have a tea shelf.  I love that friends will get me that.  It warms my heart.  Most of the tea I have in the cabinet shelf is from a gift.  I had a chance to take on a new permanent assignment for only Thursdays.  The hours seemed ideal.  But somehow, it didn't fit.  Oh, something happened yesterday that doesn't happen every day.  I got to work with a fire going.  It kind of made me day.  When I got home, I had some pumpkin spice chai tea.  It's also coming up on holidays.  It's around the time I miss my grandma so much.  She loved that time.  She loved family time.  I figured something out about healing and pain.  The more time passes, the memory of pain fades.  There's been time to grieve.  But the memory of emotion doesn't.  It made sense in my head.  I probably have this on my mind because I found out one of my old elementary classmates passed away recently.  Joe always had a kind heart.  He was just a good guy.  Every day, if I can help it, I thank God and/or the Universe for letting me live one more day.  And for letting us live one more day.  Friends, family.  Perhaps, the cold weather has a way of permeating our thoughts to deeper things.  To more sad but deep and thoughtful moments.  Symmetry by Yuri Sazonoff is on.  I'm not sure.  I just thought I would share things that were on my mind.  This week has been a tired week for me.  I had a migraine that was developing for a couple of days.  It finally hit on Monday night.  Luckily, I have medicine and I wasn't working the next day. I felt better yesterday.  But I felt ....slower.  And even today.  Slower.  And maybe, that's okay. 

Epilepsy Awareness

It's one thing for me to post for awareness.  But one of my best friends did and that warmed my heart.  Thanks to family, friends, work, and my own self care, I am living a full life.  I don't take that lightly.  Many are not so lucky.  And at times, I have felt judged for that.  After all, I don't look sick.  I still drive.  7 years ago, that wasn't the case.  I had 5 or more a day.  They were more of the clonic-tonic variation.  They were more severe.  They were the convulsing ones people are used to seeing.  I was so weak, I used a walker to get around.  But I'm stubborn.  I work hard for my health.  It's why I perceive differently on my self care, now.  Self care is not selfish.  It's one of my mantras.  November is Epilepsy Awareness Month.  I hope you get a chance to read up on it.  There is different kinds.  Mine-Primary Disorder: Partial Complex Seizures and Secondary: Clonic- Tonic.  Now, here is an interesting thing I read up on.  It's still very controversial and many people in the medical community do not believe in it.  There is also the idea of a Partial Complex Personality.  I had read up on it because "Ethan", Jeremy, and I were discussing the idea of a person's information intake changing or not.  Not the behavior.  And deciphering when the information intake and behavior modification blend.  It was a great conversation.  And you know how I feel about great conversations!