Reflecting on the past

I don't like traveling too much on the past. However,  I do think it's important to reflect on it. It reminds you of the journey you have been on. That's my take. My life has changed so much in the last 5 years. My perception on things has changed.  My outlook on things. Certainly,  my taste in friends.  My support system is important to me.  I love them. I look back and I cannot always say that of my friends. Which is why I no longer have them as friends.  But I learned over the years who was there for me.  Life is good. I have exciting things ahead of me. I can't wait for 2014!

Blessings

I'm blessed. I know this. I don't take it lightly.  I'm constantly grateful.  I don't want to become complacent about my life, my relationship,  and the blessings.  Thanksgiving was good. Food was good. Company was entertaining.  It was fun getting the little prizes. Jeremy wad sweet and picked the prize I wanted.  I have such an amazing husband!

Sanctuary

I had this feeling when I lived in my first apartment. I didn't quite feel this at Amesbury. Then again,  it was more of a hub. But our home is my sanctuary.  I don't know if it's good energy, karma,  or fueng shui but something about coming home makes me happy.  I go over the day in my head. I put on relaxing music. And I enjoy the space I'm in if that makes sense. I'm more aware of being present...no matter what that entails. So..here I am...listening to music and doing housework. ..I'm so wifey now lol I'm coming into my own.

Motivation

I am glad  it's somewhere because I'm still intending to go to zumba class. I'm really wanting to keep my routine of class, zumba, and yoga. I think it will really help w stretching and massage posture.  I like our instructor.  He's laid back. He has that serious side when it comes to teaching us. Then, randomly he'll add a silly moment or make us laugh. For me, it reminds me to relax.  I'm starting to telax more. We have our first test next Thursday.  No pressure there lol. Hopefully,  we can get some study group time.  I'm so happy.  I feel like my life is going forward.  My personal life has been great. My professional fulfillment was missing. I don't feel that anymore. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Confidence

As we continue class the confidence will come.  Each time we have class I learn something.  We got a new instructor.  I really like his method.  It's also nice learning more about my classmates.  We have such a small class. I like that.

Oops

So I'm doing the writing next day blog entry. Other than it was cold yesterday I don't have much to write.  It happens.

Class is amazing.

We are learning techniques.  Class is going well. I got a massage. Elliot did great. I took the initiative to ask for him so I could get used to working on guys. I'm really enjoying school

OCD For the win!

I'm obsessed w draping. I'll be thinking of something and my mind wanders to draping.  I struggled a little.  But I think I'm being hard on myself.  I have most of the mechanics.  I just need to practice and build my confidence.  I'm excited. ..and anxious. ..and all sorts of things at once. I have a purpose.  I have a goal. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Overwhelming

Ok. Confession. I felt overwhelmed today. I just wasn't picking up draping. Once I have practice and get my confidence up the mechanics should feel more natural. I just need to cut myself slack. Practice will get it into my head.  Zumba was so helpful.  I felt frazzled.  Then some crazy driver was driving backwards in my lane..and well..frazzled. .in general.  And  I got all that pent up anxiety out!:Yah me!

First day...and a bonus!

Orientation is exciting!  I feel goofy for my excitement but I really don't care. The curriculum sounds challenging but amazing.  I saw Victor ! That was unexpected!  I've missed him. He's a director now!  This is so exciting!

The plant that was

So I finally got this elusive fake plant.  It 's a scraggly no nonsense little thing. I love it.  I will have comments from the peanut gallery. I don't care.  I helped a friend today.  It felt good to be able to help.  That feeling of being needed is essential for me.  I thrive on feelings like that.  I also got to hang out with another friend.  And then I go swimming later on.  So this plant...this plant has been a subject of much debate.  I didn't quite like the previous holders of the plant place.  So now...I am happy. Which sounds odd for those who don't know the back story of the plant that was.  I have a rebellious side.  I have been on a more zen path.  But I still have the streak of *meow* when you push my limits.  And my limits have been pushed so to speak.  I rid myself of the problem.  This is a kind of rebellion.  Certain types of people feel the need to control other's life, choices, wants, etc.  Even if it is the wrong choice...it's THEIR choice.  So the plant that was...It's my choice.  Bwahahhaahhaha.

Sleep

If you get the right amount....oh how glorious the next day feels. I've been trying to get around 7 or 8. Preferably,  8. I used a sound machine to get me tp sleep.  I never realized I relied on it to get to sleep.  Apparently,  I need some noise at night to sleep.  It's my way of preparing.  I want to be in the best condition. That way I give my best for school. All this preparation makes me proud. I've thought much of this through. Breakfast,  timing of morning routine,  traffic...etc. I'm ready! Let's do this!

Enjoying small things

I changed my visits w Leticia to Wednesday.  We took a walk. It was nice to just walk and talk. We were looking at people's windows and doors and how decorative they were. And I was just enjoying that I can do that. I can be here w Leticia,  taking a walk,  and talking about decorations.  And I was suddenly thinking of other small things. And enjoying them.

Another step to my dream

I took a test run to see how traffic is in the morning.   I haven't really done the morning traffic thing sice Medtronic.  It's funny how that seems a lifetime away. I'm really going after my dream. Dreams are different for people.  I don't expect everyone to understand.  Although,  if you know me well enough. ..somehow the way this journey took place. ...it makes sense. I'm a firm believer of things happening for a reason. I wasn't ready....until now. 

Thank you

Thank you. I am humbled by your service.  I am honored you would protect me.

Forming good habits

I think forming good habits helps us be healthy. Being grateful helps us be healthy.  Positive thinking reprograms our emotions.  In that sense we become healthier.  Forming good habits retrains our brains...retrains our emotions. ..retrains our body...to become happier. My take for today.

Dancing

I love dancing. Which is why Zumba makes me happy.  It's a party.  I don't have much to say...just that dancing is wonderful.

Thank you

I appreciate you reading this blog. Whether you read it only once or you're a regular I can't thank you enough. Sometimes you gotta yell into the void.  You want your thoughts to be voiced. If nothing else, you want to know your thoughts matter.  You do that for me each time you read my blog. Sometimes it's fun that I write.  Other times it has more serious content.  I've tried staying consistent w this blog. I'm really happy I have. So smile...you made me smile simply knowing what I write. ..matters to you...for whatever that reason is.

A challenge

I can't pretend all my anger issues have left. I still called the lady who blocked me from parking and looked straight at me...a b.... I just said it to myself.  That's when the challenge begins. It's how I react and  if I allow that anger or negative energy to remain. Comsidering what I used to behave luke I have made strides. But I still have a long way to go. O think of it as bettering my health by not kerping the toxin in me.

Random thoughts

I'm processing how my life is going to change in a couple of weeks.  I'm excited. I'm scared.  I'm a lot of things.  I had a random Negative Nancy moment.  I don't know where it came from.  Luckily, I have learned to affirm the qualities I have.  Affirmations seemed silly at the beginning when I was in counseling. I mean...after all...they are just words...right? And then I realized it was psychologically changing the way I thought of life, myself, people, and my perspective on things.  After awhile...I believed that I had something to bring to the table.  It's been a struggle to believe that.  People tell you that you have something of value. However, until you actually see it for yourself you think people might be just "blowing smoke" or giving you pity.  Writing down and putting it out into the world does feel good.  Whatever negative energy I was feeling has gone.  I appreciate knowing that somewhere somehow you read this. Whether it is 1 or 100 I feel validated.  And that comes full circle of value.

Preparation

I've been on Operation Preparation.  It's been good. Whether I'm staying up to get my body used to the routine change or very soon implementing a new morning routine I'm getting myself ready. My head is clearer. I want to give myself every advantage for being focused. I'm sleeping better.  I meditate. ..at least my version of it. That's all that matters.  It works for me.Yoga has really been helping.  Zumba is also helpful. Even focusing on a routine is helping.  It's all cominh together.