A chance to breathe. day late

A chance to breathe.  A chance to read. A chance to sleep.  A chance to think. A chance to socialize.  A chance for myself.

So happy I could cry

I've had moments where I want to cry because I'm so happy.  And then so heartbroken.  I cried at the funeral.  But I didn't allow myself to really process everything.  I didn't have the time.  I had to focus.  I'm going to sleep.  I'm going to finish Lincoln Myth. I'm going to bum around.  And then I'm going to buckle down and take the MBLEX

Focused on a goal

I've put in the work. I've dedicated time and energy for my goal. I didn't just want to " skate"through this program.  This was a chance to aee what I had Did I have what it took to do this career.  And the answer is a resounding and confident Yes!

It's really here

Taking the final.  It's really here. I can't believe I'm really here. I'm tired.  I'm burnt out.  It's different being a student and being older. This took a lot of me. But it was worth it. I'm fulfilling a dream. That feels incredible.

This week is crazy

Not surprised I forgot.  Speaking much going on. Thomas started driving school.  I'm almost done with school.  It's going to be a long week.

Relearning

Somewhere I am having to relearn how to control my temper and not get a short fuse. I think the stress is hindering what normally is my rational mind controlling my emotions.  Little things are making me irritated. Whereas before...things usually slid off and I accepted it more readily or more quickly.  Blogging it helps.  I vent. I write.  Even if nobody reads it I have sent it out to the void.  Luckily, I do notice that here and there someone reads that and that brings me much comfort.  It makes me feel like someone listens to my rant. My silly rant.  But it's important to me at the time.  Which is why I appreciate being there for other friends when they rant.  People need to outlet their frustration or it builds up.  Just make sure that you don't abuse that gift.  And I make sure I hold myself accountable to do the same.  Amazon carries everything. Perhaps they have what I need.

Accountability

I had a great conversation about accountability with a friend.  I love supportive friends that are accountable.I believe I hold myself accountable.  I do myself to not infringe and to consider the other side. Only time I seem to fail is living up to a friend or two's impossible expectations.  I've accepted certain things with that. And it's a case by case basis.  The older I'm getting the less tolerant I am getting.  I need maturity.  After a while ( a year or so) I lose my patience.  I don't apologize for it. I can be a good friend. But if you don't think I am...move on

Taxing

It seemed like an appropriate inspiration for the blog. I  find it taxing to be too nice for my own good. Yet, I don't change my behavior in order stop feeling things or people taxing.  I blame myself.  There is more but I will have to internally deal  with that conflict. 

A machine

I wouldn't say a very well oiled machine.  And I feel like sometimes I'm running on empty.  But yeah. I'm going forward.  Im moving forward.  Just take one day at a time.  It's all I can do

Monday

It was definitely feeling like the Monday grinding. I was already feeling behind because of lack of sleep.  That didn't stop me on the test. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I mean...what is considered right and what is considered selfish? Luckily,  timing had it that my lack of sleep didn't affect me much. And with the last few weeks being sensitive to certain things I really didn't want to take a chance.  It's hard to explain.  I just want to make sure I don't get myself taken advantage.  Even if not on purpose.  It is still up to me to make those boundaries.

Being personable

Here's the thing.  You can be great at your job.  You can have skills that show off your technique.  But my take is if you aren't personable it takes away from you truly being good at your job.  I am not saying customer and clients aren't annoying.  But that's what you have to do.  You have to figure out how to relate or connect with a client.  That connection shows that the customer experience is truly a customer experience...not just a way to get the paycheck.  You see people who are truly passionate for what they do.  You see the ones that do it just for the money.  That's another thing I have learned.  It's okay to want things.  It's okay to want to live life more comfortably.  However, remember why you are doing your job.  It's not just the money.  It's about the people.  Whether you like to admit it or not.  It's having that experience with a person. It's making a connection. And somehow feeling in a small or large shape or form...you made a difference.

Rising above

People have things happen to them. They don't define you. They can if you let them. That's the wisdom I have seen countless of times.  It's not  even  one thing or event or tragedy or anything that defines. It's what you do after. I support because I was supported myself during hard times.  But you have to want to walk towards me  before I hold your hand. I need to know I'm walking with you to lend a hand. Not to carry you. Call it tough love. Call it what you want.  It's me.  And I have no apologies for it. It's a general.  This isn't coming from one place or person.  It's observing. ..I suppose.

Those kind of days

Yes. The kind of days where your thoughts are a little more quiet,  you take a moment to appreciate something small about someone,  you take value in the tiniest of things, and music really feels like some soundtrack of your life

Preparing myself

I don't think I really thought about the finish line because it seemed so far away. Now...with weeks of it being here I have to emotionally prepare myself for the final.  And then the MBLEX.  I need to start figuring out my plan. I don't want to overwhelm myself.  But I also don't want to be unprepared. Because you start figuring out what you're made of closer to the time

Finish line

I'm almost at the finish line. I can't lose steam now.  I'm mentally exhausted.  But I have a little left in me. This semester has been brutal.  It's been exciting as well.  It also showed me the kind of strength I could have under certain circumstances. Sometimes you have to push through and do the work before anything

Doing this strong thing

Sometimes I wish I would allow all emotions to just explode.  But this isn't the me years ago. I've changed.  I've evolved.  I'd b like to think I have more self control.  But don't push my limits.  Somewhere my silence clued you in. I've got a bubble in my world. And right now I don't feel like fixing anyone. ....but myself. So no poking the bear

Your team

You have different people that play different roles in your life. You understand boundaries,  limits, threshold,  and walls. And when your chips are low...when your count is down...you see who goes to bat for you. You find loyalty.  You find the eyes that bare the truth in their eyes. You find that insane connection that brought the support. ..the friendship. ..the bond....to exactly what you knew.  They know you...and despite that....or because. ..they love you.

Rewarding myself

Considering the insane week I had last week... I allowed myself a I don't give a $#@& day. I sort of was productive. Sort of. I've earned it

Getting back on the horse

Reality. ...that horse I'm trying hard to get on. I'm doing ok. I stumble. ..and sometimes I fall. And fall I do....and then I get back up. ....because I can. That's the beauty and irony of this journey.  For  the deficit my emotions have taken somewhere. ..somehow. ..I'm standing. 

Oops

Sometimes I got nothing to say on a blog. Or I get too focused on something and forget