Wednesday, December 12, 2018
The new normal
I am getting used to my new normal. I work. I work on my photography. I see Jeremy. I love him seeing him more often, now. It's funny how routine is so cherished now. Ethan needed help with car so I helped out. It was nice spending time with Lovie 1. He will be 50 and I will still be happy to do mom stuff for him. I know he appreciates it. I love being the friend mom, now! I'm pretty busy until next Friday. I like working. And then, making time for my artistry. I feel such an indescribable emotion when I'm behind the lens. I imagine capturing that moment. I imagine how I may be able to evoke an emotion with my art. Colors sometimes become centerpieces in the picture. Other times, between the light, the angle, and the subject...it becomes more. Maybe I overthink what goes into a picture lol. But I love that. I love being a part of groups to display my work. I love developing my artist pages. I told Jeremy in our conversation, today, how happy he has made me by giving the camera. I find myself when I get lost in a picture.
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
Every time I take a journey
Every time I take a photography walk or journey, I learn something new about myself. It's a strange feeling discovering things about yourself. There is a particular picture that struck a chord with me. It was a feeling of Deja Vu, I had been in that spot before, more traumatized. Lost even. I remember hoping that one day, if I stood in that same spot, I would be in a better state of mind. It was a hope. It was a prayer. And there I was, in that spot today, living that dream.
Sunday, December 9, 2018
The life I'm meant to live
I remember one of my friends telling me that once I actually felt the genuine self love, I'd have it reflected in my life. Since my strange departure from therapy, that's what happened. I suddenly realized I was in a good head space. At the moment, I feel healed. Do I have moments where I need to coach myself or give myself a pep talk of sorts? Yes. One doesn't truly quite wrap themselves around what happens to a survivor until they may be in the situation. But here I am, living my best life. I'm living, healed. And my life seems to reflect that. Work has unfolded in an interesting way to future possibilities. Meanwhile, I am unexpectedly making connections in the photography world. I'm living the life I'm meant to live. In about a year, Jeremy and I find out where we will be living. Austin or San Antonio. Either way, I support him. I can do caregiving, anywhere. And I can do my photography journey, anywhere as well. Funny how that works out. lol I feel such a burst of happiness every time I take a picture. Every time I get to improve on my artistry, it makes me happy. This journey is not something I have planned at all. I'm winging it in many ways. But I want to go at my pace. And that is why there isn't any formal training, just yet. I want to learn different perspectives, different ideas. Not just the technical aspect of photography. But even the emotional part of photography.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
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