Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Adjusting...in a good way

Where is my Mind by Maxence Cyrin is playing.  This week is an adjustment...but in a good way.  "Ethan" has been here doing some school stuff before officially moving in.  Jeremy is home doing his training.  Schedules are an adjustment.  All of this is a beautiful adjustment.  I just finished a Bollywood dance routine work out.  That was intense.  I'm glad I am trying to get back on a groove again.  Last week I fell off the wagon in terms of motivation.  I wasn't feeling well last week.  But this week, I am better.  I remember when life was Zen.  Then, I remember when Life wasn't Zen.  Then, I remember when life was me learning to live zenful in an unzenful life.  It seems this blog is all over the place.  And I am probably being vague.  It's just because Jeremy has the computer for his training, I haven't been blogging.  I've been lifing, so to speak. lol
I love to blog.  I write what I am feeling.  But I used to blog because I wasn't getting out pain, getting healing, growing...in order to create a healthy life for myself.  I don't write in my love letters to myself all that often.  I didn't miss blogging this week.  A situation that normally would set me off actually helped me to convey my feelings in thoughts in a logical way.  In a strange way, these days, I am feeling more grown up inside.  I think a part of me is always going to feel childlike.  Maybe we all do.  Javier stunted certain aspects of me.  It's why I needed to create the aspects in the first place.  I needed to find a way to function.  I actually thought I didn't have the emotional maturity to handle things.  Only...now...I handle things.  I'm the handle.  I'm the responsible one.  I'm the one being relied on for the "adulting" things.  I guess I found out that certain situations in life forced me in some way to grow up.  In March, when I had to be the adult, it changed the game for me, regarding life.  From December to April I grew up in my healing.  I understand more about myself and how to react to life when it's throwing shit at me.  Before...I used to freeze.  I didn't know how to react to certain things in life.  Now, well....now...I feel like I can take on anything.  And that's a beautiful place to be when you've lived your life feeling worthless.  I have value.  And I don't need validation from anyone for that anymore.  My voice is the most important one.  I'm adjusting....in a good way......Wind by Brian Crain is one

No comments:

Post a Comment