Thursday, July 6, 2017

Just because

So I heard back from the exam.  I went today for my follow up and I need a follow up in 6 months.  That was code for "if there was something really wrong, the doctor would've had you schedule with your doctor".  At least that's what the radiology technician said.  I admit. I was a little nervous.  Especially, when the technician had to come back 2 more times to take the exam.  I had an ultra sound and another mammogram.  Yah to being 40.  Just because seemed like a great reason to make Lasagna and cheesecake swirl.  Plus, we're having "Ethan" for a week.  Jeremy has his training all next week.  They're 14 hours.  Craziness.  And then, next week is his test.  It's crazy to imagine where I was a year ago today.  I was a mess.  I was figuring out my healing.  I was dealing with the healing along with what I call rehealing.  Pain is still pain.  But after a while, time does heal wounds.  What's helped me heal from the biggest pain was learning how to disconnect.  It doesn't mean I don't acknowledge it happened.  But I wanted to have a life where I could function, even with that knowledge running around.  And somehow, I thought I was holding the pot together.  But I was bubbling up for a catastrophe.  And it was okay to fall apart.  And to fall again.  I learned how to live again.  I learned how to really live.

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