Birthday stuff

Harry Potter Feast

Wizard Faire on Sunday

My loot!

A birthday gift!

A friend's daughter printed them out.  She's under 5 lol

OOOOH 

Since Wednesday

I had been celebrating my birthday since Wednesday.  It was something, every day.  It's been so much fun.  41 has been fun.  I'm okay with the number.  It helps I don't look it.  I went shopping today.  I got some nice shoes.  Payless closed down near where we leave so I sort of had no place to buy shoes.  I'm glad I found Shoe Carnival.  I know. I know.  First World Problems. lol
I got nothing right now, guys.  Take care.

It's simpler, now

Birthday wants and just birthdays, in general are getting simple, now.  I like that part.  I suppose when you're younger, you want everything to be a party.  I got my card from Jeremy already.  It never fails.  I cried.  I keep saying the previous card is my favorite.  And then, the card I get that year, becomes my favorite.  I change my home screen and lock screen.  I made breakfast this morning.  That may be a strange thing to do.  But I requested that my boys indulge me.  I made bacon, eggs, and cheese pancakes.  We're going to Tha Topaz for lunch.  Then, tonight, Jeremy and I are going to Wizards Feast.  My shower was a huge birthday gift so I'm set for a while on gifts! Really and truly, Jeremy only has to worry about one gift.  It's my birthday.  That's the go big or go home.  He never ceases to amaze me.  I was thinking about gifts regarding time and effort.  When I didn't have my self confidence, I didn't give myself credit that anyone would make time for me.  Now, I get to see constantly, the time and effort people who love me, make for me.  It's a beautiful feeling.  I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day.  Only 40 for 10ish more hours.  I'm 41 at 10:16 P.

My birthday present from Dear One

I cried, of course

shiny!!

This was the Monday.

So Delicious!!!

So Delicious!!!

My last picture as a 40 year old.  I'm not 41 until 10:16 pm

On this Day memory

YOU CAN'T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR HAVING TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.  YOU CAN ONLY FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE MISSING OUT ON

-BILLY CHAPTA

This was on my memory today.  What a true statement to make.  I've always said I'm a bowl full of love.  The interesting thing about me is that even if I don't like someone, in a public place, I won't exert my inner feelings.  Which usually means I don't show the ugly side to not liking a person.  It doesn't make me a good or bad person.  It just makes me, me.  But when I do love...I love with everything I have.  My friends know this.  The inner circle that I choose to have now.  They know my loyalty.  They know my unconditional love for them.  It took such a long time to get to this pace of trust with people.  I felt like I kept failing.  I would think I found some kind of kindred spirit and A) I'd get betrayed or B) I'd find out we were not positive impacts in each other's lives.  I am more self aware of my issues.  I seek to communicate better.  But I'm not perfect.  And I know it.  The positive in all this is having an easier time to share with Jeremy.  That was so hard.  He seemed disinterested or I perceived him disinterested.  Or I wouldn't even share thinking my thoughts were not worth sharing.  They would stupid or silly.  If I have a request, I ask now.  I may still get a no from someone.  But at least I had the courage to ask.  If I have a bother or grievance, I try addressing it more quickly so it doesn't fester into a bigger problem.  I don't shut down and become mousy.  I'm learning boundaries.  It's a daily thing to work on, really.  And sometimes, I feel I fail on addressing boundaries.  That's usually when I get into an argument or struggle to figure out even what I want to accomplish.  Again, it's a daily thing to work on.  I'm happy, though.  I have a certain peace in my life that is a beautiful feeling. By design, I have the right kind of people in my life, including that pain in the ass by fiercely loving husband of mine. lol   I am surrounding myself with people that have my well being in mind.  What more could I ask for?

Labor of love and other things

I prsent to you "Labor of Love"

It's a dream

Again, keep in mind, this was his first time

It's a thing

Yesterday I was having a wonderful conversation with a friend.  You know me and having wonderful conversations with friends.  I was discussing with her how I found out that Love Languages changing.  I had read up on it.  It was a question I had.  Something I changed in me within the last 3 weeks that made me bring that topic up.  Perhaps, it had been there but now, it was forefront in my mind.  The trigger, or the reason, was watching the behind the scenes of Jeremy remodeling the shower.  Now, keep in mind, this was my husband's first time doing something like this.  Long before doing anything, I watched him plan.  I watched him organize.  I watched him do the math.  I watched him measure.  I had never seen this process before so I was very fascinated.  The beginning was somewhat of a shock to my system.  I saw the inside of the wall.  For me, it looked a little like a horror story.  It's hard to explain that description.  But I imagined a figure behind what looked more like being in an attic ready to pounce me with a knife.  I have an over active imagination.  What can I say?  I saw Jeremy taking 3 maybe 4 hours out of each work day and then weekends, working all day to do this remodel.  Somewhere along the lines, it was a personal joke that it was my birthday gift.  After all, we love our Aquifina time.  And I love shower time as a spa.  I put on Pandora and forget the world.  That is something about us.  Something becomes a half joke and then somewhere along the line, it becomes real.  It really became my birthday gift.  I saw the pain his back was giving him.  He was tired.  But he was relentless.  And it hit me.  In a question.  Did my Love Language change? I adjusted to not having words of affirmation.  I desperately needed them in the past.  He struggled endlessly to tell me.  A man of few words.  But a man of action.  It occurred to me that while I needed words, actions speak louder than words.  This shower was a work of art.  I got to be part of the design process.  I picked out the tile.  We discussed logistics of certain tile working or not.  I eventually called the shower a Labor of Love.  Because that's exactly what it was.  If I ever wanted to question if this man fiercely loves me, I jokingly can say "Bitch, have you seen your shower?".  I am currently crying happy tears.  It has been a struggle for so long to know my own worth.  It took me twenty years to get out of my hell hole of believing that I was worth nothing.  But now that I have emerged as a butterfly, emerged and seen my worth...well..I get to see the love people have for me.  I get to see the love Jeremy has for me.  And when he has words of affirmation...holy shitcakes....it's even more special.  I hadn't realized the amount of pressure I had put on him.  When my love language changed to acts of service, the overwhelming moment of being "woke" for lack of a better word, changed me.  It was a game changer.  Love Languages changing.  It's a thing. 
My love language is Physical Touch and Acts of Service
Funny enough...so is his.  River of Dreams from Dean Everson is on

Shirley Briggs

LET'S DARE TO BE OURSELVES FOR WE DO THAT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE CAN
-Shirley Briggs

It's something I have come to understand about myself.  I will not apologize for the person I am.  I don't want to disrespect.  Of that I am sure.  But if I am to live my authentic life, I live it by being myself.  People who know and love me, love me for that exact reason.  Sometimes, I go back to some self doubt ways and wonder if I will be accepted for how I think or feel.  It's important that I remember it's me I need to accept.  A beautiful conversation with a friend today reminded me of that.  It's easier said than done.  I am glad I have good people in my life that help me when I fall or when I stumble with self doubt.  I am also happy to be there for them when they stumble. 

Tennessee Williams

LIFE IS ALWAYS NOW-

Tennessee Williams

To me, life presents you test of being present, of being in the now.  It gives you pathways where you must pay attention to the details or you miss the most important details, in the most mundane spots, of life.  I try doing that.  I remember when I thought too much of the future.  Funny, how we get older, and the present is what we look at more.  Perhaps, because our mortality is now in our minds more.  It's something to think about today.  Hope your days is amazing, just like you, quiet spaces. 

Some Tee hee

The floor

The wall

Filling in

I did my first fill in today.  It feels weird that tomorrow I won't be heading to "Claire".  I do have another fill in assignment tomorrow.  Today, I put up Christmas decorations and went grocery shopping.  The rest of the week is pretty busy with things.  I like busy, though.  I get too ansy if I become idle.  Jeremy had to leave for a bit to go to work.  He's on call this week and one of the batches shut down.  I also have a follow up mammogram exam.  Luckily, they didn't find anything wrong last time.  This is just checking up on things.  The older I am getting, the more I have to be up to date with things like this.  That's about it.  I hope you had a great day.   

Occupational Hazard

The occupational hazard of my job is that I have to move on. Sometimes, I get attached.  I'd been with "Claire" just shy of 9 months.  This has been my favorite assignment.  I saved my tears for when I was in the car, driving away.  On to the next adventure.  I already have a few fill ins to keep me going.  Hopefully, I can get a new permanent assignment soon.  Gratefulness by Nadama and Shastro is on. 

Ughs...moving

Moving for myself is already a pain.  Moving for someone else is ughs. lol But it has to be done.  I'm exhausted.  It was my second to last day.  I was busy till I clocked out.  Monday should be interesting.  I'm ready to sleep in.  The Road from Nick Cave and Warren Ellis is on.

The end of a chapter

It will be the end of of a chapter.  I will be ending my assignment soon with "Claire".  Shy of two weeks for it to be 9 months.  I am hoping I can start up with another permanent assignment soon enough but I will just have to see.  The other caregiver got sick so I have been filling in for her this week.  I needed a nap today.  It was glorious.  It may seem odd about loving my naps.  But it's the way I recharge.  This condition is like a draining battery.  4 months till my 2 year anniversary.  It made me feel great at my 1 year anniversary.  But my 2 year anniversary just seems extra sweet.  I'll probably always feel like that on my work anniversary.  I love my company.  I am extremely lucky to work for them.  That's about it.  Maybe because I just woke up from a nap, I don't have much braining going on.  It could be that it's just so chill, I don't have much to report. When all else fails, the quotes work, right?