Ok...now what?!

Circumstances and conserving since I'm going back to school was a big reason Halloween wasn't a big deal this year. Which is why I loved seeing pictures of my friends celebrating.   They made my day. Halloween is fun. Not much else. Tomorrow is a new month. Time for thinking of Thomas' birthday,  Thanksgiving,  and Ashley's birthday.

The result of being calm

I'm less anxious.  I am more aware of things. My head feels clearer. Things feel less chaotic within me.  It's a different feeling.  I feel more purpose w my day.  I also used to tidget and unable to be still. That stillness allows me to transport myself somewhere else. The sounds give meaning and tranquility.  Tranquility is a good word for this feeling.  And so much more than a feeling....it's my whole being.

Reflecting

I had some time to reflect before my lunch date with a friend.  Since I have more time on my hands I should take the opportunity to use it.  Especially,  since my schedule will change and it won't always be the case. I was thinking of past relationships. Whether they be past friendships or romantic ones. I think I become distracted w the " failure" of one and wonder what part I play in the "failure".  And then it hit me. They may have been tiny succeses for the " bigger picture". I may not have seen that they served their purpose to teach me something about myself.  So today I saw a tiny success in those friendships and relationships.   And I was grateful for the lesson they taught me. Finding yourself is essential. ...at any age.

Being at peace with myself

It hasn't come overnight.  However, I feel at peace with myself.  I feel at peace with my decisions.  I have regrets but I don't dwell on them.  They simply come off as oh wells.  I feel good about my consistency.  I have been consistent about going to Zumba.  I have been consistent with doing Yoga.  I have even been consistent with blogging.  There is something about being at peace with myself on being consistent.  I am calmer inside.  I always felt a sense of chaos in my mind.  I had too many thoughts running rampant and didn't quite have the direction to make sense.  In other words...I had too many tangents.  That gets exhausting after a while.  Part of that is discipline from myself.  I needed direction.  I had my personal life in check.  My relationship with Jeremy is healthy.  Granted...we have our moments. lol But for the most part I feel good about us.  Our friendship is strong.  And we communicate with each other.  I also don't center my happiness all on our relationship like I used to.  I have other outlets.  I have interests custom to me.  My professional life was a mess.  I was still trying to figure what I was going to do when I grew up.  It seems silly but that is where I was.  I enjoyed being a houswife.  But it's not me.  I needed to regroup.  So I did need to stop working to get myself taken care of.  My health was not where it was supposed to be.  These days I feel better about my health.  I haven't had a migraine in over a month.  I am less anxious.  I am not so quick to get angry.  I am becoming less frustrated with things.  I have a few moments where I feel the fluster want to emerge.  And then I talk myself out of it.  I am really enjoying discovering Yoga music and meditation music.  I really am enjoying Zumba and Yoga.  I feel it's like "me time".  I do something for my health AND well being.  Well being IS wellness.  It's my mantra now.  Taking that "me time" is important to regroup.  I understand it's not easy.  I don't remember ever doing this when I was working.  However, not that I have had time to regroup I want to make time for it and a routine.  Very soon my schedule is going to change.  I will have a different routine.  I want to be physically AND mentally prepared for it.  That peace....is a beautiful thing.

The chaos and quiet in your mind

Sometimes so many thoughts are running through the mind. Schedules, obligations, and people occupy our thoughts.  At least for me...this has happened.  Because I've had the opportunity I took advantage of clearing my mind. If I'm going to help others achieve this I need to understand how to myself.  Quieting my mind has been helpful.  My thoughts tend to race all over the place.  And in that process I create anxiety.  I don't mean to. So...here I am...trying to slow down the pace of my thoughts. It's therapeutic.

To woo

Jeremy putting an effort. ..Jeremy still finding ways to make me happy...Jeremy still wooing me...is the best feeling ever. I still get those butterflies in my stomach.  I get like a giddy school girl.  He smiles at me and I melt. Tonighr reconfirmed that continious fweling of connection we have. I appreciate that both of us work on our communication,  our passion,  and our relationship.  We have our moments. But I wouldn't have it any other way. This cazy ride called life...I only trust one person next to me riding.....My best friend,  my partner -in-crime, and soul mate.  Who else can put up  w me so beautifully?

Finding my center

Sometimes the stars just align right.  The day starts great.  I had a great work out yesterday.  Zumba is so gratifying.  I get to dance. I burn off calories.  I feel the energy afterwards.  I slept well last night.  I felt it as I woke up this morning.  I also got back into my groove of Yoga.  I really enjoy Yoga.  I feel centered.  I am listening to meditation and yoga music at the moment.  I feel so calm and serene.  It is a great feeling to have.  I learned about chakras yesterday.  I am very intrigued by this concept.  We have 7 chakras.  I like that fact that my mind is open enough to accept new perspective and outlooks in life.  Having an open mind is healthy.  I also have a new mantra.  Well-being IS wellness.

"Getting" you

What an important part of a friendship and/or a relationship.  Perhaps we don't realize how much that really means.  For myself I didn't realize how essential it was for my self worth to know the acceptance and understanding that someone had.  Jeremy gets me.  I am a complicated person...and then I'm not.  I want acceptance for my quirks.  I want understanding of my behavior.  I want respect for my thoughts.  It's a hope I had for my life mate.  And my friends.  Those closest to me have the beautiful "dance" where they understand the goofy, sincere, childlike behavior that I possess. And why it is there.  Jeremy and my " vent squad" as I playfully call them understand and accept me for who I am.  And then there are those that I have "history" with.  I don't always keep in touch, perhaps only Facebook friends with, or are too far away to keep a face to face time with.  "Dog Days are Over" is playing at the moment.  Okay...that was a tangent.  Back to my blog entry.  I am lucky that I have people that "get" me.  It's a beautiful feeling.  It's liberating....

The important of conjecture. ...and facts

Conjecture plays a role. But when you have facts you follow the trail of facts. Because I think so grey I was nice to be able to see black and white...from a female perspective.  I like learning.  I like someone giving me a solid argument on why thinking another way is important.  You learn something new everyday. ..least that is a hope.

A day late

I don't have much going on today. But I wanted to stay consistent.  This is a day late.

Keeping a positive outlook

It's harder than it seems.  It's easy to fall into a funk.  The world is a pretty place these days. But you find ways that your life is better.  Having good people in your life is important.  Their positive outlook is contagious.  Their strength when life hits them with lemons reminds you on how to deal with things.  They give you perspective.  Music is great too.  You really can lose yourself in music.  And music helps different types of moods.  Reading can help you be distracted from things.  You can also lose yourself in a book.  Working out is great to clear your head and gain a positive outlook. Writing down your thoughts is also great. Venting to a friend also does wonders. You don't keep those toxins in your body and you gain another perspective on your situation. Bouncing ideas off of a person can be very beneficial.  I'm no expert.  I do hope that my thoughts...my take on things does help you.  At the very least..I hope you smile, laugh, or entertain you.  I don't mind making you think about things.  I like putting "my take" out into the world.

Choices and consequences

A conversation sparked this thought about choices I've made in my life. I've held myself accountable for mistakes I've made and ultimately the lessons learned. I've done that so I don't feel regrets in my life. I don't want a do over. For one reason only......I'm married to him. You choose how you react the world. That's tough to follow through sometimes.  I don't claim to have the secret to happiness.  However,  my journey. ..thus far has taught me my choices navigate my rewards in life. ...and my consequences.  So I must be mindful of my chices. And for that I live w little regret.

The perks of being common

So...today I went into an upscale store. Some wardrobe was couture. Most women like me have moments where unlimited shopping sprees flash before their eyes. However,  as I was admiring these items a thought occured. The perks of not living up to a standard of upscale living is that at any given point...I know clothes won't make a person. ..their character will. Trust me...it's nice. But I chalk it up to gazing at museum pieces. I'm ok...just looking.  I'm curious to know I'd an affluent person has that "luxury" to know who likes them...for just them....

Getting back into the groove

School is next month.  I'm so excited.  I'm also trying to get back into working out. I've also been trying to read more. I like routine.  So I want to back into some form of routine.  something about routine feels natural.  It could be just me.

Perspective

I love great conversations.  I love opening my mind about new information. I love opening my mind on old information being seen in a different perspective.  The conversation took an interesting turn regarding perspective.  When you put so much negative energy to the world...what really are you accomplishing? I'm no saint. I have my grrr moments too.  But this dialogue helped me to see that certain people will focus on anger, bitterness, and the negative aspects of the world...rather than focus on peace, resolution, and positive aspects.

Leticia

She gives me perspective even if she doesn't know it. I've learned so much from this wonderful cooky beautiful soul. I'm only happy to put a smile to her face by visiting her.

The big picture

I want to vent this to the world....and look in the mirror and say it to myself as well. Humble yourself to know its not all about you. ..good....or bad. It helps to be a considerate person whenever you can. Let people decide their fate.  You don't know the entire story because its not your journey.  And finally. ..communication is work....and worth it...on the right person.

Good company

Good company is always good to have. When you surround yourself w good people , it helps you to know your support system. ..w the good...the bad...and the ugly. And the same goes for being good company for them

Gets you thinking

I had an extraordinary conversation with one of my friends.  Because of the less pleasant experiences in my romantic life I can truly appreciate what I have with Jeremy.  By no means is it perfect. In fact...it got me thinking...certain words really irk me.  I don't like perfect. I mean...who really is? Nothing is ever what it seems.  and honesty has a certain unrealistic expectation put upon it.  Being blunt, straightforward, and sincere...now those remind of a more realistic view of honesty.  Love doesn't have reason.  On paper...Jeremy do not make sense.  He's so logical and sees things in black and white. I'm all over the place. My logic makes sense to me but perhaps not others.  I live in more grey areas.  And yet...we make it work.  That love helps me step out into the world with a more confident part of my "self".  I trust in Jeremy,  I value his thoughts.  And that in of itself is truth I can work with.

Laughing

Its amazing what laughter can do for you. Its important that you smile and laugh as much as you can. That's my motto for the day.

Knowing what you want

Its not as easy as it looks. Trudging through stress. Getting overwhelmed by life itself....I watch how knowing what you want isn't so black and white.

Stories

It's always interesting to learn people's story. In fact, in some ways the story is still writing itself. It also reminds me what I want out of my story.  I want meaning.  I want purpose. I want adventure. I want a  vanilla mocha blend. I wonder if that makes sense to me only.

Aha moment

I learned something about myself today. Thank you, friend for guiding me and helping me see that important knowledge about myself.