It's always different

Different experience.  Different reaction.  Different outcome. That's something to appreciate.  I do. It's a perspective I've come to appreciate

Make it count

Make it count.  That simple.

Drain

Well... at least I know it's not in my head. This sinus infection drains you. I will try to get inspiration back. But for now my blogs are a blurr. Not much philosophical thinking.  It's hard to when you're drained.  I need to recharge

Not much on inspiration

I'm sick. I have a sore throat.  I lost my voice.  Saturday. ..I'm hoping you're better. All I want to do is get under the covers

Love

I am happy.  I love life. I love you.  I hope you are happy.  If, not I hope you find your happy.  Thanks for reading.  You don't know the smile it brings that you do.

I'm going to look back

I'm going to look back and smile.  I'm going to laugh at the inside jokes. Im going to cherish this time.  The kids are growing up. One day thwy won't need us as much. That's when I hope we our influence made a difference

Bonding and memories

We're going to look back and smile.  These memories will stay with us. This bonding will have a lasting effect. I want to have an impact on them. I have a feeling I will. Footprints of influence is what I would call it

Sometimes you gotta let them fall

Ever get into a situation where you watch someone you care about and have to let them fall? You want to protect them.  You want to show them the error of their ways.  But what if the whole point is to to let them learn.  And that won't be accomplished if you're protecting them constantly.  You have to let people you care about fall.  I think it's one of the most difficult things to do.  You watch them.  You're there in a supportive role. However, you don't interfere.  It pains you to just watch as they seemingly fail.  And even if they aren't failing they are possibly wandering into a spiral that is not healthy, at that.  It's not that I know so much.  It's just that I have experiences.  And those experiences have harnessed a therapy type role.  I am a mother hen of sorts.  I don't mean to parent.  But I do.  I've been there.  At least listen to my "take".  I hope I am wrong. I'd love to be proven wrong, really.  But somehow, in the long run, I don't see that happening.  But sometimes that's why you gotta let them fall.  They have to learn the lesson. A lesson learned.

It made the day interesting

It's as though people were angry all over.  A friend pointed out that this might be because people are shopping and stressed.  It saddens me that one has to be stressed about that. What kind of family do tou have if you're worried how they will react to tour present?  And then the anger.  I found my sanctuary.  I was able to decompress.  I also had my own frustration about unable to find medical ID jewelry in person.  Then, just as I'm ready to call it a day...I find one. I almost cried.  The day turned positive.  Anger will consume.  I know.  It used to consume me. It doesn't serve one well. It was something I had to learn.  The object or target of my anger doesn't receive it. I'm the one that feels the toxin and pain. I suffer the consequences.  One can't control the way things go. But one can control how they react. Theses were the thoughts I had that made the day interesting.  That and me finding a medical bracelet. 

Kindness

It's important to do a selfless act. Funny,  while it's selfless I get a rush from seeing the reaction to someone receiving it. I felt good. I felt happy I brought happiness to someone who had a bad day. Happy happy joy joy

Understanding beyond the logic

My sense of smell is quite astute and rather sensitive.  I was on a hunt for clary sage. I got something better.  I got something that also included chamomile.  That helps calm me too. I'm already an anxious person by nature.  Epilepsy just amplifies it. Aromatherapy intrigues me. Homeopathy is something I'd like to learn more about.  Metaphysical understanding is something I am open to. Like Faith. ..tou can't always see something.  It's more about feeling and intuition.  That is bot to say logic doesn't have a beautiful purpose to serve. It just means I like incorporating these two sides to my personality. 

Thinking outside of the box

Sometimes you have to take another angle on things.  I have unsuccessfully taken an exam.  And while I don't feel like I failed the score says otherwise...by a point.  But this is the only thing in my life that doesn't seem to work well.  It's like I'm in my own adventure and this is the "lesson" I must learn.  I have to "think outside of the box." Even my rib fracture seems like an interesting adventure to conquer.  I learn things along the way that make improve me.  I must be open to learning new things and perspectives.  I finally opened myself up to Reiki.  That was an experience.  I realized I don't always have the luxury of sight in order for my results or evidence.  Sometimes, I have to go with something that "feels" right.  That's risky because we live in a world that is governed by statistics and evidence and valid arguments.  Sometimes I don't have that.  Sometimes I have to experience things for myself and feel the environment and energy.  I look for positive. I look for learning. I look for open perspective. I look for respect.  I look for these things in order to constantly improve myself as a person.  I want to continue growing as a person.  I want to make a difference...even if it is in a small way.  Many things evolved because people were "thinking outside the box".  I'm not a "shaker" in term of changing the world.  But I can change mine and that makes the biggest difference to me.  It's like leaving a legacy.

Energy, ambiance, and oregano?

I can't quite explain the kind of energy that people have running around them.  I stopped seeing it. The aura, I mean.  Back to the subject...But the idea of putting out the right energy is important.  I am leery of whom "practices" or delves into the idea of energy.  So it's hard for me to allow myself an energy cleanse or reiki or anything, really.  However, I trust my friend Krissi immensely.  So I allowed her to do a session. I had to be open to it.  That was the most important part.  I'd like to think I am open minded to things I can't always see.  I felt a sense of "cleanse". I almost want to say it was a surge of points...chakras? I am not quite sure what I was feeling. It felt good.  I feel rejuvenated physically but most importantly, emotionally.  My anxiety feels "placed somewhere else besides on me".  I know that sounds strange.  But that's the feeling I have.  Oregano was involved.  It's catnip for me, really.  I am a happy clam.  Clary sage is also a good aroma for an epileptic.  What's interesting is my olfactory sense is quite astute.  I have a sensitivity to certain smells.  It's quite...intriguing...yes that;s a good word... to me... Energy, ambiance, and oregano.  You wouldn't think they necessarily create such an environment for me to to feel "at home" in my own body at times.  The anxiety that sometimes is there makes me feel funny in my own skin at times.  It's hard to explain to people. I might get a funny look.  You might be making that face right now. You were considerate enough to read my blog. The least I can do is be authentic and tell you what's on my mind or what I'm feeling.  Sometimes I like the idea of thinking or feeling "out of the box".  Think about it the next time...Energy, ambiance, and aromatherapy.

Oh ,Whiskers

My constant companion.  She is my familiar.  We do not speak through words.  Somehow, I know...I know her love.  I know her moodiness.  I know when she needs space.  It hurt to lose Brody.  I hold her just a little tighter.  She expresses annoyance.  Yet, she lets me.  I take so many pictures.  She lets me.  I spoil her so.  I am owned by her.  I am perfectly okay with that.  Her purr makes me so happy.  She cuddles and I melt.  I can't even tell you that feeling.  Oh Whiskers...:) you are dear to me, my baby girl.

Good people

Jeremy works with an amazing group of guys. They work wrll together and are friends outside of work. It's nice to see Jeremy on his element.  Christmas party was fun. It's nice to mingle on my own.  Jeremy likes that. He doesn't have to worry about me being a wall flower!

Something about organizing

There's something about organizing to caters to my OCD tendencies.  I feel calm when I organize. I like the sense of control and order it brings.  I don't have severe tendencies but they are there.  I always blame them on my anxious nature that brims below the surface.  I can control that anxiety better these days thanks to being married to Jeremy.  I imagine if I were analyzing myself it's something to do with the assault.  Back to organizing...I like small projects of organizing.  For example, I accidently uninstalled my recipes for my food planner.  So organize I went.  I am attempting to organize our linen closet with our towels.   I am trying to organize my study information for MBLEX.   I organized my jewelry.  It's like everything should have its place somewhere somehow.  That type of order distracts me from my own anxiety.  I am focus on something.  That's usually how it works for me.  I can't be the only one.  I am quirky and weird by nature.  My brain process does run on a different machine.  However, I don't think I'm unique in thinking productivity provides a sense of calm.  That the focus does something.  It's something about organizing.

Friends

I'm low on inspiration.  I'm a little tired.  But friends always make it better.  That's not something that gets old. I thank my friends for the different roles they play in my life. Thank you for supporting me in all things " Jess".

Being inspired

Keeping yourself open to inspiration is important.  It means you allow different perspectives to influence decisions in your life. Sometimes you surprise yourself and tou become tge inspiration.  Other times you find the right people in your life and the smallest things become moments of just inspirations.  They key is to be open. Being open means you see the positive of each situation. ..no matter how hard it is. That fighting spirit of positive outlook will take a person far. A person becomes inspired.  Perhaps a person learns. That is what is beautiful about inspiration.

Soapbox

I think the wrong message of harassment is being portrayed in the media. The news bothers me because I wish people would think more before buying into a cause. The intention is good. But there is morw to stories than what a news blip is going to put out. The two big controversial stories are not the same.  One is a clear case of brutality.  The other is an excuse to start a riot. Which it did. I think in the case of Michael Brown the correct verdict was brought.  On Eric Gardner's. ...the opposite.  Ok. Enough soap box. There is only so much opinion to put out there tgat I'm comfortable with

An experience

Although I didn't know my friend's mom I felt the pain.  I felt it because I felt it from Vinnie.  I am relieved that things worked out that I at least was able to go.  This is unimaginable pain.  I can't even imagine the anguish he must feel.  I had to find my "center" after I left.  I drank some Spice Chai tea and took a nap.  Whiskers must have felt my distress because she stayed close to me to snuggle.  I needed it.  I am better.  I still want to make this day productive so I think some studying is in order. At least so I won't feel guilty.  Today was an experience. 

My friend

I am thinking of you and your family.  I will be there for just a bit tomorrow.  But know. .it's with much love and heart. The anguish you feel is unimaginable.  You are surrounded by love. You are not alone in your pain. We cry with you. We hurt because you hurt.

Sanctuary

It is something about a safe place, whether it is a person, a physical place, or a spiritual connection.
This sanctuary finds its form in many ways for me.  Sometimes it is a physical place.  I feel my sanctuary in the living room.  I have my laptop, my music, the lamp...there is an ambiance of safety.  Then...Jeremy becomes my sanctuary.  He makes me feel safe from the harsh reality outside of my comfortable walls.  Suddenly, by his hug or being by his side I fee stronger handling certain people or situations.  Music is my sanctuary.  I surround myself with calming music that enhances the calm I am attempting to keep inside.

  Sometimes it is a place, or person, or some form of your faith.    Just embrace that safe feeling and cherish. It's a beautiful feeling. All I can say is that sanctuary is important.  Go to it.  It's a gift to have.  It's a gift to be

Be happy for others

I'm glad I am a person that is happy for you. That's how it should be. I found out recently a friendship seems like it was all a lie. Ouch. She didn't like my success and wanted me to fail. That is sad.