Back to normal...with a new normal

I went back to focusing.  It's something that I have instilled in myself over the years.  You have to press on.  By no means is my new normal leaving Brody behind.  I just have to create this new normal out of my life.  I suppose right now I am quieter.  It did something to me.  It's weird.  I was affected by my friend's passing some months back.  However, because of certain circumstances and perhaps my own status at the time of his death lent me adjust to his absence.  Brody's daily presence and close relationship I had could explain why psychologically it's hitting me harder.  At the same time....I am a hard pressed when it comes to death.  I am deeply affected.  But I also become my own version of stoic.  I have to.  Or I might fall apart.  That's not good for my health.  My physical and mental well being kind of go hand in hand.  My health is a huge priority.  I have been blessed with a wonderful support system.  Each of the crucial players in that support system found a way to connect with me.  I appreciate that.  I find certain comfort in my ways of coping with an unexpected disruption of my normal.  Music, writing, blogging, and friendships all help to keep me grounded or at least stabilize the chaos that runs in my mind.  Jeremy is also a big part of the equation.  I appreciate that I can be myself...whatever part of myself slithers out from time to time.  I am an update person.  I am a jovial and optimistic person...mostly.  I think because of this summer I lost part of that.  I suppose because I am numb to things right now I don't necessarily know the melancholy from the experience.  I lost my spark because of the test. I lost more spark when Brody died.  I want to get that back.  The mere fact I am acknowledging that  might help me to achieve that spark back.  It will be a new spark.  It needs to be.  After all, it's back to normal...with a new normal.