Hermit ty

I honestly don't know how to explain days like this.  For being such a social butterfly it's like I have to go in a corner and be by myself.  It's dark in my room and I like it like that.  I'd stay in bed if I could.  But at some point...I can't figure this out sometimes.  I feel off.  It kinda annoys me because I don't really know what this funk is.  I haven't felt well the last couple of days.  I've had a near migraine but it never manifested into one.But it's like it's on the cusp of it.  I'm not much for outside.  It's odd.  Ughs.  I feel hermit ty.

Off the grid

Sometimes I like being off the grid

Because it's not about you and me

What a day.  It's not about you and me.  It's about doing the right thing.  Religion is not meant to tell people what to do.  It was always spirituality.  But we as humans found what we perceived as the "right" things.  And if you were in power or in the majority.  Well, that's how things were.  If that was bad enough, if you protested or were in the majority you have been persecuted or worse, beaten for it.  That's not the right thing.  That's the one thing that people who protest about this day don't understand.  Whether you agree or not, it's about having things balanced.  It's not about you and me.

Internal rose coloured glasses?

Before I could change my station to Soundscape radio on Pandora, Worth it came on.  It's a catchy little tune that sticks with you.  Plus, I've been following these girls since their days on The X factor.  Sadly, the show cancelled but it's nice to see that the exposure they had put them on the map.  Anyways, I happen to notice something within the last few days.  I have internal rose colored glasses, maybe? I prance around like a vixen on a mission.  It's a good thing in some ways because I have confidence.  It's maybe not so good because I am not in touch with reality...until I catch myself in a mirror.  Songs like All about that Bass and Worth it kinda give me a vibe of Big Girls can be sexy too.  And it got me wondering about how things changed.  Heavier girls used to be a thing.  After all, Marilyn Monroe was a Size 16.  I'm a 12-16 girl.  How did this change? And why? So here I am, strutting my stuff.  Some days my insecurities get the best of me.  But I brush them off and bring out the sassy personality that runs around my veins.  She's itching to come out sometimes.  So maybe I do have internal rose colored glasses.  Inner love is important.  Humility is still important.  I don't ever want to go overboard.  But in the end...maybe I am okay with internal rose colored glasses.

A follow up of yesterday

I was at the store and at the point where I had to use my card. It's a new system being used. There is a chip now on my credit card and so I insert differently and there is a wait time now.  Granted, because I am so used to not waiting and immediately take out my card I was confusing the system.  An employee came over and sort of berated me.  Depending on a situation I don't always seek management. However, after that exchange I decided to relay this incident to management.  It turns out this particular employee has had numerous complains about her.  Mine was the nicer of complaints, as it happens to be.  I realize that I made you get up and do your job. You don't know that maybe you affected in me in any way for giving body language that you were annoyed at me.  Luckily, I take all things into consideration and don't react immediately.  Customer service is a thankless job.  But it can also be rewarding.  I have memories of helping people to the point they were in tears of gratefulness by doing my job.  By active listening to what they had to say.  There have been horror stories of employees as well as customers.  I'm happy to pass along the goods as much as the bad.  Feedback is important.

Being decent to one another

There's a saying being kind to one another. Honestly, sometimes it's a little easier to being decent to one another.  These days we say things without thinking of consequences or whether we are infringing on someone else.  Granted, we live in a more open society in some cases.  But it would be nice if we were just decent to each other.  I'm not perfect. I'm not always nice about things.  I've had my fair share of not being the nicest person.  I will tell you though. I am reactive.  So while a person doesn't deserve my harshness, it is often because they treated me a certain way and I reacted. I try to make less hasty decisions.  I try to think about or get a sense of the approach people give me. I'm working on that.  Maybe that's where the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." came from.  The decent thing was to say nothing at all. Just a thought.

The importance of sadness

It was an important lesson I learned yesterday.  As a Father's day gift I left so that Jeremy could play some video games with Thomas.  It seems like a strange sort of gift but it was one I could give.  I went to go see Inside Out, an animation no less, and a movie I highly doubt Jeremy would ever see with me.  As I watched this story unfold I learned a very important lesson on how sadness is as integral part of our life.  Without giving anything away I realized that it's okay not to be this cheerleader, always positive outlook person.  Because, frankly, it can be exhausting trying to be that happy, all the time.  I guess I feel guilty for even having a smidgen of sadness.  I had to realize that my sadness doesn't come from outside variables.  Sometimes I am sad because I am built that way.  I'm an empath.  I feel feelings on a different level.  Sometimes I might isolate myself from the world to protect myself and I might not even know it.  I have also learned what support system to turn to.  It doesn't take away from those who I don't turn to. It's a topic reasoning.  I got to different people for topics.  Sometimes I think I overthink things and make mountains of molehills.  Things don't nearly have to be as complicated as they seem in my head.  In all of this, I learned the importance of sadness.  Sadness helps us to appreciate the Joy we do have in our world.  Sadness sets us back in reality that sometimes Joy will push out and perhaps, distort the true nature of a situation.  It doesn't take away from the situation. In fact, it may just put us back to where we would rather be...joy.

Profound

As I watched a movie that was so profound it got me thinking of vantage points on perspective. It's like documenting viewpoints without putting your spin on it. Because it's not about your viewpoint. It's about looking at something from different angles to understand it. Because if we understand it, we are better prepared on how to approach it.

Estate sale

I haven't been to many. But there is something that intrigues me of them. I likened them to museums. There is a story. Someone's history is played out. I become witness to it. I'm not even sure how to explain what exactly I experience. I wish I would go to more estate sales. But it's not every day conversation starter. I did purchase something to commemorate the experience and to contribute.

Threshold

For certain things my threshold isn't what it used to be.  I am coming to accept that reality.  I also have opened up my eyes on others where their threshold is.  Especially introverts.  I don't mean to but I take for granted at times that ease of which it is for me to mingle with people. Jeremy likened his anti social behavior and awkwardness to my struggle with math.  For him, math comes easy.  I love that Jeremy and I have this symbiotic relationship where I am the student and he is the teacher.  There are times when our roles are reversed but I am happy in my role.  That's the thing I needed to learn.  How was I going to be in my role?

Welcome to my childhood

It's something Jeremy said on our vacation. It was right after we had gone snorkeling in Cozumel.  That was a moment.  It was amazing. It was such an exhilarating experience.  I swam with fishes.  I dove down to pick up items from the Caribbean sea floor.  I was nervous about this experience because of my Epilepsy.  But I have learned with my limitations are.  I am a daredevil in that sense. However, I know how much to push the envelope before I feel I have gone too far.  Sometimes I forget and get a little winded but I never over do it to the point I have a major attack.  It's a balance.  This trip was like a a honeymoon. We had gone to the Bahamas two years before we got married.  And when we got married we did a local honeymoon.  This felt like a honeymoon.  We took in comedy shows. We took in a Burlesque show.  I did some dancing. I did some Karaoke.  We tried to take in a show that highlighted New Orleans style music but they had strobe lights.  This time around I did not get motion sickness.  We came prepared this time. I had motion sickness pills. I wore flats. We got an interior room rather than an ocean view or balcony.  We brought ginger ale for me.  Also, the ride was a lot smoother.  We had one instance of windy weather that looked like it wanted to become a storm but it didn't.  We went to the Dzibilchaltun ruins in Progresso.  I fell in love with Jeremy all over again.  I can't wait to go on another vacation.  I love traveling.  I love being exposed to different cultures.  Back to that statement.  I had an epiphany when Jeremy said , "Welcome to my childhood." It explained his laid back disposition.  It explained why things just fall off Jeremy's shoulders.  When you have grown up with that kind of wonder and beauty....things just seem to fade away or not matter as much.  They become so insignificant.  When I get into a moment of angst...that's where my happy place will be...swimming with the fishes along side Jeremy.  While the picture probably wasn't great Jeremy and I held hands and took a picture while snorkeling.  That's a moment to remember.

Back from vacation

And what a vacation it was.  Much to tell.  But must get back into the groove before writing all the wonderful adventures.  I may just summarize the beautiful feeling I have.  The adventures, the feels, the wonderful cloud 9 I felt I was on.  It's beyond words.  I am officially hooked on cruises. 

The perspective I see or don't see

As open minded as I think I am I have to admit when I hone in a grumble, per se...I am no longer as open minded.  I have learned this about myself. It's a process. I am glad I am aware of it.  It something for me to work.  Anyways, I will make this brief.  I will be out of pocket for a week.  It will be interesting if I come back with a new perspective that I see...or don't see.  I will have many stories to tell.  Talk to you in about a week or see.  I will miss you!!!

Heart melts

I love melting hearts. I love the look of appreciation and happiness I bring when I do something for someone that means alot. I like it just as much when it's a sn all gesture than a big one. It makes my heart melt that the thoughtful gift or gesture made someone smile. Likewise,  when someone does that for me I can't begin to describe the tender emotion of gratitude for thinking of me. Heart melt is a beautiful things. Heart melts are priceless.

Dear Friends

Every once in a  while I like giving a shout out, so to speak for you, my audience.  My silent readers.  You intrigue me.  I am so astounded that anyone reads what I have to say.  I don't say it in a self deprecating way.  I just mean that my thoughts matter to someone. More than one someone, in fact.  I often imagine what attracts a person to read someone's blog.  Insight is often a good start.  I blog about nothing.  I blog about everything.  I blog about thoughts.  Do I lead such an extraordinary life that I have adventures to talk about? Not exactly. For me, they are adventures.  My marriage is an adventure.  But I don't have a crazy life, per se.  Then again, I have had experiences that seem out of the ordinary.  And from those experiences, my dear friends...I have become me.  The beautiful hot mess that is currently residing in me.  It's a wonderful hot mess.  I don't have all the answers.  I'm still trying to figure out the questions.  Of if 42 really is the answer to the question I had. (Movie reference) So, dear friends, thank you for taking time to peruse or read through my random thoughts.  It melts my heart that you read what I am thinking. That you might get insight to Jess.  I I'd also like to thank those friends that I have haven't connected with. I do get curious and check my audience.  It's been a most pleasant experience to have different audience members from different countries read my blog.  You are a friend if you read this.  It means you wanted to know something. Sometimes it might even be about yourself via my crazy random who knows where I get them thoughts.  Thank you, dear friends.  I will never get tired of thanking you.

Information

I found some intriguing information regarding my condition PCOS.  A lifestyle change to a healthier diet is important. It doesn't happen overnight. It's like reprogramming. That is why I'd like to get  new to me information and start checking it out.

Lessons

It's been wonderful to open my eyes and see things from a different perspective.  Jeremy and I likened it to my struggle to do math and his struggle to be social.  Being social comes easy to me.  It doesn't for him.  Math, on the other hand, is his natural element.  And in that lesson to also step back and check an interpretation before reacting.  I am always looking forward to learning.  I'm a student of life.  All my interactions and adventures provide a way to for me to learn.  I'm grateful for lessons.