Finding my Way

That's the name of the song right now.  It's from Liquid Mind.  It seems rather, fitting.  Today's Quote is

EVERY ACCOMPLISHMENT BEGINS WITH A DECISION TO TRY
 Edward T. Kelly

Now, isn't that a piece of truth to live by.  When we set out to accomplish that goal, our hearts have to be in it.  We have to want to do it.  We have to TRY.  That's easier said than done, if I'm being truthful about it.  Not every goal I have set has come with my heart completely in it.  In fact, if someone asked me of why I did certain goals or things, My reply, "It seemed expected of me".  That's not a good reason.  I have to want to do something for myself.  Granted, it's important to compromise.  But one has to take into account why they decide on things.  What is their motivation? And if it's always for other people, you will ware yourself thin.  I know I did.  I still extend myself out and decide on things for other people.  I am accommodating.  However, I do step back and allow myself to decide if the decision will make me happy.  I also have had to learn healthy boundaries.  And how to say no.  Or how to say.. "That's how you feel or think" or "That's your opinion.  It doesn't mean it's the truth".  Accomplishments come in different forms.  I am an accomplishment all on my own.  I've heard too many horror stories of survivors.  I did something about it.  I asked for help.  It doesn't mean I was weak.  It just means I didn't have the answers.  Kate was that person.  And funny enough, she didn't feel like she gave me answers.  More like a friendly guide to help me on my journey.  If nothing else, she was a great soundboard.  And that's probably what I needed.  So, today...we can think about it.  Every thing we decide to do, make a decision to try.  Have a beautiful and sparkling day!

Work the mind and body

I filled in for one of my favorite clients.  Her room makes me smile.  This art piece makes me smile.

Me...right after PIYO.  It was beyond intense.  But it's a good brutal.  I'm trying to get back into having a work out routine.  

PIYO

I am feeling it today.  So yesterday, I decided to to pick up a shift.  While I was working, I saw an infomercial about this work out that was a fusion of Pilates and Yoga.  I decided to look on You tube and see if I could find some work outs.  Sure enough, there was some.  I tried it yesterday.  And I feel it!! I thought Zumba was brutal.  You wouldn't think that you could sweat as though you just stepped out of sauna.  Or that you would feel so sore.  I also did some actual Zumba and a bit of cardio kickboxing.  I'm trying to get into a routine during the week of working out two, if not 3 times a week.  I, like some many of us am not motivated to work out.  Here, I feel engaged.  I think mixing it up also helps me to stay motivated.  As soon as I came home from work, I took a nap.  I needed it.  Health has definitely been on my mind.  I went for my first mammogram.  I think.  Somewhere in the cobwebs of my mind, I remember possibly going.  I'm not positive.  However, my doctor suggested I get one because of my age.  I have a follow up.  It could be nothing.  But they discovered something that was concern for them.  Jeremy has helped me to not freak out just yet from it.  I'm glad he has.  Otherwise, I'd be on full freak out.  I will update when I find out the results.  Symmetry by Yuri Sazonoff is on

Trust as currency

It was a conversation I was having with a friend who had just experienced betrayal.  And we were talking about trust as currency.  It was the idea that when two people, whether friends, significant others, parents, kids, or somewhere in between all of that, have trust in each other and build that trust, you can build so much.  You have to commit to being forthcoming and transparent.  And in some ways, have a sense of vulnerability.  That is not easy in this day and age for a lot of people.  You'll find people like that.  I did. It took a while.  But I learned to know what I was looking for.  It was something on my mind.  I hope you have a sparkling day.

Luis Fonsi - Despacito ft. Daddy Yankee

The song was playing while I was blogging. How awesome

Zumba

It started with Despacito.  I became hooked on that song.  It got me dancing.  And off I went to find a Zumba routine.  Then, today, I found Michele Vo on You tube.  She reminds me of my Zumba instructor, Christina, when I used to go to a class.  I love dancing.  Dancing gives me a happiness that I can't even describe and Zumba always incorporated this way of dancing while working out.  I loved it.  And I am falling in love with Zumba all over again.

Repair

To fix or mend (a thing suffered from damage or fault)

It's what I looked up with the idea of repair.  Whether it was for an inanimate object, a relationship, or something else in between.  So why is repair on my mind? Well, for starters we got our showering fixed in our room.  It had been out of whack.  With Thomas coming in and out more frequently, it was time to get going.  And within two weeks of an appointment, we got it done.  Aquifina time, a nice addition to a beautiful but older home, and watching my husband put tile on our shower were all beautiful outcomes of this project.  I also got my hair done again.  My hair was suddenly becoming dry.  My regular shampoo and conditioner 2 in 1 was suddenly crapping out.  My hair needed repair.  So, haircut it was.  That always makes me feel good.  I was, I suppose in the a beauty regime mood yesterday because I also got my favorite nail polish and some eye cream to deal with my dark circles.  Ah, the dealings of getting older.  I don't use much product for anything really.  Whether make up, skin care, or hair, I am a bit of a minimalist.  It's worked for far but I am getting older.  I also found my drink mix things with electrolytes.  So it was also about repairing my body.  Or at least mend myself, so to speak.  So...Repair.  That's the word in my head today.  In terms of relationship, some of it is from having time together in a space we used to cherish.  Some of it is me feeling less grumpy regarding my body and letting it affect my attitude.  Some of it is to not necessary repair, but maintenance. Which is something to do so repair is not needed so much.  I'm off to work.  Have a beautiful Monday.  Here's me with my new haircut.

Being witness to a journey

Yesterday, while life was still turning, someone took a big step getting back her independence.  There is such an honor to being witness to someone's journey.  I have watched "Clare" struggle as I help her to still giving her stand by assist...but she's getting stronger.  Yesterday, we had home therapy.  She no longer goes to therapy.  Now, it's a matter of her doing it.  I put on some calm music for her and she walked and did other things to strengthen herself.  If that wasn't enough, she helped me with cooking.  Now, that might seem like such a small thing.  But as I watched her cooking, making sure to hold the pan and be a barrier for her in case she became weak, I was awestruck at this person.  I have such admiration of her fighting spirit.  And while she and I have many moments of quiet, there are moments of connection, in some way.    She's not a big talker.  When she does open up, it's beautiful stories that I find out about her past.  It's beautiful stories of who she is.  Yesterday, we were talking about Genealogy and ancestry.  It was a beautiful and productive day.  It was a profound moment being witness to a journey.  And it was an honor being exactly in that space. Gently Down by Liquid Mind is on.

Unexpected and wonderful

So now that Lovie1 has graduated and has this place as "college home", I figured I would give him a name.  Not his real name.  A code name.  Ethan, if I had birthed a child.  And by all practical purposes, "Ethan" has always seemed like what my biological child would come out like.  He looks like me.  He has a lot of my traists.  Today was my day off.  I had a hot lunch date with Jeremy.  Our friend LT was going to stop by and check on our our game console.  It crapped out.  But "Ethan" and I were texting.  I explained I like checking up on my friends so it seemed natural to also check in on him.  He was doing great but was hoping I could bring some stuff from home.  He wasn't exactly sure of the housing place name.  But in the cobwebs of my mind when I went to UTSA, I remember a housing name close to what he was saying.  I have Google on my side so I confirmed orientation students were indeed housed at this place when I called.  And waited until he was free from obligations of school.  I was being helped by a girl who was part of the reception desk at the housing.  I had texted I was there.  And she said it would be okay to call him.  I was about to do that.  I smiled and my heart melted just being able to say I was dropping something off for my son.  I was about to call when I saw him.  I had put the items in a back pack.  Plus, two insta meals he didn't need to refrigerate.  I didn't expect a hug.  After all, we're in public.  But he did.  Because he's my son.  I asked about dinner for tomorrow.  He may or may not be home by then.  He has to stay on campus.  I told him I had put two insta meals in there for him and turned to leave and gave him a backwards air kiss.  We just talked for a little while right now. LT took a look at the console and worked his magic.  It works again.  It wiped out the game we finished but I don't care.    Again, just checking up on how Ethan's  day was, I texted him how things were going.  We talked for a bit.    I shared some of my experiences and the opportunities that come with having a college experience.  I let him know how I was proud of him.  And then proud he was going to my alma mater.  This was unexpected and wonderful.  As "Ethan" has his college experience, I will reflect on mine along with being able to share in his stories and experiences.  I did some laundry and dishes.  Now, time for more House of Cards binging.

Certainly a memory now

You know the words you say...I'll never forget when I....

I think I can successfully say that about Lovie's big day.  I had it all planned out.  I was going to take pictures.  I was going to capture that moment.  What I hadn't counted on was being on the wrong side of the stadium.  Or that the succession of how the graduates was going was nothing I had ever noticed before.  It went from left to right as an alphabetical way.  But when the names got called out, it was like starting from the top of the alphabet...and the bottom.  My poor brain, with all my excitement going on, struggled to keep up with the names.  I started looking at the program.  Jeremy helped me to remember pause for a name you won't see...and then look for a name that goes closer to Lovie's name.  Soooo...there I was...it's about to happen.  Then name is called.  I scream my head off...in the auditorium.  Can you imagine that? That's not the crazy part.  I could handle making a fool out of myself for that one moment.  No....it was the next part. I forgot that stadium seats come up.  And down I went.  I wanted to say..."I swear, people".  "I'm not drunk!" And I lost the shot.  I managed to capture one before he takes the official picture with the principal.  So I didn't feel like a complete failure.  Jeremy took video and I got to enjoy it later.  And some official pictures came through a website where I downloaded them.  But there you have it.  I'll never forget when I fell and missed one of the biggest moments of my Lovie's life.  It's pure Jess.  I'm laughing now.  It's a funny story now.  I hope graduations you are enjoying have as much funny and happiness.  And remember...smile the next time you have a bad day...I'll never forget when I read some blogger fell off her chair.  I feel like a short story somewhere.  !Quick...someone write it! It's certainly a memory now