Reflection upon the year

It's definitely been an interesting year.  I'd say a better one, indeed.  I did a lot of healing.  I began to understand the damage and trauma that Javier had bestowed on me.  It's an interesting thing to have that aha moment.  I wanted to be angry at him.  But I don't have the energy to be angry at him.  Life is too short.  I pity this pathetic man who hasn't been loved in his life.  So much so that he had to imprint his trauma on others.  I haven't been his only victim.  I may be the only sexual assault victim.  I don't know.  But he's physically assaulted someone.  And he's mentally and emotionally assaulted all of us.  You don't get to see physical scars on us.  That is how he likes it.  Like I said, I pity this man.  I used to think I was weak.  What I didn't understand is that I am far from weak.  It takes a lot of courage to continue after a trauma like that.  And because I was in such a damaged state, it left me open for other types of abuse.  Yet, here I am.  This level of understanding is overwhelming at times.  But it's such a relief and a weight lifted off my shoulders.  It wasn't me.  It's not about me.  The confidence I have weaves its way into big things.  But it also weaves its way into small things too.  I see this.  I understand.  I understand so much more now.  This has been the reflection upon the year.  I am more than enough.  They seem like such simple words that should be understood.  My logical side knew it.  My emotional side didn't.  Here's to more healing.  Here's to more understanding.  I hope my blog has helped you in some way.  I hoped it has made you think.  I hoped it has made you smile and laugh, at times.  I always wanted to be a positive impact on people.  Now... well, now, I know that to be true.  In Reverence by David Tolk.  How fitting this comes on.  This is me...in song.  I don't know how to explain it.  But this is me...in song.