When you want the circle to fit so badly in the square

At the moment I am frustrated because I don't work will be a fit.  It's a bit like on call so there is a relief in that.   But my first gig would have been 9 hours, out of town.  Considering that it would be my first time I imagine my body would not have handled it well.  I can't force things.  I want to force it. I want to push myself to the limit to do it so I can work again.  But I know better than that.  Normalcy is something I yearn for.  When maybe that part of normalcy is not in my reach.  Since the rest of my life is doing better than well I shouldn't be complaining.  I will figure things out.  The good thing is that I want this job. I don't need this job.  So this is a First World Problem.  And I can recognize that.  Life is not always unicorns and cupcakes. But right now my kingdom is still sitting pretty.  And I'm okay with that.  When you want the circle to fit so badly in the square that you try cutting off the edges with your sword...maybe it's time to step back and re evaluate things.