I feel like dancing

It's like I have a skip in my step. This newfound energy is really taking off. I helped a friend move her work stuff. I felt it this morning. Luckily,  I rested it off.

Energy level

Between better sleep,  yoga and healthier habits I feel a difference in my energy level. I still have to conserve because life gives you monkey wrenches. I didn't realize how low my level was until I had more. It's that idea you don't know another way until there is another way. That can be applied universally. My focus also seems improved. This will really help with my overall well being. That makes me really happy.

Spread too thin

It's good to be there for people but as I watch my friend being frustrated  because she can't get to some important personal business I feel  for her. It's not selfishness. It's self preservation.

Healthy decisions

I want to make healthier decision.  I don't just mean physical health either.  I want to change my habits one perspective at a time.  I started up yoga again.  That felt incredible.  Finding your center is important.  I don't know how to explain the happiness that comes from feeling more together and having an inner peace with yourself and the world.  Granted, outside forces will derail or temporarily block you.  But that's where strength comes from.  I feel a shift in my life.  It's a good shift.  It's a new normal.  My healthy decision affect my environment.  It's an important thing to think about.  These healthier decisions make me feel I'm in the right direction.  So I'll be focusing on the physical but my mental, emotional, and spiritual well being is just as important.

Mixing it up

Just between you and me I like routine.  But there is something to be said for mixing it up.  Spicing things up, whether it be a recipe or a marriage it means you are trying to keep things going.  Human nature lends ups to become bored.  I commend those who don't get bored.  For me, though, I like throwing things into the mix.  it makes for great adventures and stories.  There are memories made by these moments of mixing it up.  I like the routine of things because I find peace of mind in order.  I imagine it's because I lean a little towards OCD.  Mixing it up is almost a sort of therapy for me.  Since I can be such a hyper little squirrel inside I find that I slow my thoughts down.  Slowing my thoughts down helps to clear my head.  By mixing it up I also get out of my comfort zone which is a form of therapy too.  I want a live a healthy life.  This includes physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.  By mixing it up I find happiness and health, Jess style.

Social butterfly

I can't really explain why I don't find it difficult to start conversations with strangers. I imagine imitating can br difficult. It's a gift. It's a gift I accept and embrace.

Bully and bulldoze

Do we even known when we do it? As a society I think we have lost sight of being "honest and blunt" or giving our opinions.  Granted, we don't to sugar coat everything.  But somehow, I see how approach that many will make and it forces me to make a conscious decision on how I interact with people. I don't want to bully and bulldoze.  I want to be as open as I can possibly be.  I owe that to Jeremy.  I wanted to learn a different way to approach things.He was happy to teach it.  However, I needed to approach with my own version of logic.  I customized it somehow, in order to fit in line with my comfort level and logic.  Something to think about.  

Changing a perspective

I didn't know I was going to enjoy being an housewife.  Granted, I would like to have a part time job to be able to go somewhere. I like feeling useful and having to be accounted for somewhere.  At the same time, I don't know when my condition strikes and that creates a problem.  It's a strange place to be.  I'm limited but not disabled.  It's all wibbly wobbly.  Yet, I struggle to keep a full time job.  I always felt my foot was one foot out the door fearing getting fired.  You're supposed to be protected but the reality is some companies don't care. They want results and outcomes.  So here I am.  It's a change in a perspective for me.  I still study for my MBLEX.  But I don't know when I'll take it. And then, what? I want to have positive outlook on the test and believe I will pass. I study.  But part of me is trying to be realistic.  So far I haven't.  I feel bad for Jeremy.  And yet, somehow he feels spoiled and lucky.  Suddenly, my feelings of failure are removed because I succeeded in my marriage.  Marriage isn't easy.  It takes work.  However, that consistency is the beauty.  That's where it doesn't have to be a chore.  There is constant communication. We compromise.  We're a team.  I don't know where my future lies professionally.  But on a personal level I live each life grateful.  Sometimes success doesn't come in a dollar sign.  Sometimes it's being that person that people seek. Sometimes it's being the person that changes and influences.

From one day to next

It's hard to process emotionally. I'm sure it's a common feeling. From one day to the next.....you're there. Then....you're not. They're there. Then, not. I hadn't seen my friend/ coworker since I quit. But thanks to Facebook we kept in touch. We weren't close but still. I'm at a loss. I don't know all the details. It might be better I don't. As a person gets older, they think about mortality more often. Yup. I think about it more often. But it also reminds me to hug more, kiss Jeremy more, tell people that I love them and forgive in general. Forgiving now seems like a good plan. It takes the weight off me.

Customize

You don't necessarily customize friendship but maybe you customize understanding because you know the why. You know the history. Relationships might work like this too. People have signature moves and behavioral cues. I think about this as we interact. Engaging in the friendship like this might cause concern for some or it might possibly be misinterpreted. I just see this as an emotional courtesy.

Isolation

I may be a social butterfly but once in a while I get in a weird mood. I'm there right now. Hermit style.

Laughter

It's a wonderful thing to find laughter with different people.  I don't know how to explain it.  It's just nice that between my mom, Jeremy, and some select friends I laugh about the silliest things.  Or even random.  I love laughing.  It's such a natural rush.  It makes me happy.  And when you get right down to it you do what makes you happy.  I'm constantly laughing with Jeremy.  If I had a brother I imagine sometimes it would be the closeness or bond like Jeremy, only different.  Random.  I'm not sure where I am going with this blog entry.  I just appreciate that I can laugh with certain people.  Or even be weird.  It's not a diss or an insult to others that don't get to see that side.  It just means that a trust factor or something prevents me from wanting to do that.  I need to feel safe.  And I guess people who make me laugh hysterically make me feel safe. Go figure.  So when someone makes you laugh the next time, take a picture.   Take a mental picture of that person and hold onto it.  It will be like a reel from your life or own slideshow of the movie that is your life.  Laughter is amazing.

Vulnerable

To be that vulnerable is scary. You're exposed. Flaws and all. Someone could rip your heart or worse your soul.. Then, you find a friend  or a soul mate or a soulful friend that gets it it. No judgment. No anything. They just let you be...and grow and figure things out. I'm blessed to have that.

Being happy for others

It sounds like a simple task.  Someone else has happiness that you may or may not have at the moment.  But let's be honest...it's easier said than done.  Except of course, if you walk along the path of good energy.  Once upon a time I may have a felt a twinge of envy for those having success or certain happiness that I didn't.  I found out the hard way that my inner negative energy wasn't helping my overall emotional well being.  I also learned that happiness and success can come in different forms.  I may not be a trailblazer for a company.  I certain don't bring home the bacon.  But if I look at my home, my husband, my family, and my friends...I've made it in my own way.  My personal life is in order.  My life has a certain harmony to it.  That feels good.  I must accept my journey even when I don't understand it all the time.  So it's something to think about when we do that comparison game.  It's a habit, I suppose.  Society has conditioned us to compete constantly.  Instead, today I want the focus to be that I am happy for others.  Because I would want others to be happy for me. 

Too much

I have a bad habit of taking on too much sometimes. I forget that I have a condition. Okay. Maybe that's not the right word.  However, I push myself. And then sometimes I pay for it.  Yesterday was probably a series of that.  Different variables played a part of me having to go to Emergency care.  That was the mother of all migraines.  Leah was amazing.  She took care of me. She supported me.  She contacted my family just to let them know what was going on.  Plus, I got to utilize the Emergency information on my phone. Memo to myself. Make sure doctor information is visible.  It is now.  You live and learn.  I am feeling much better.  I feel quiet if that makes any sense.  My energy level is still not up to par and that may be why I feel a sense of quiet.  Air Conditioning repair came out to check on the unit.  He was nice enough to take it off program.  We are seeing a Hockey game tonight with Jeremy's work people.  We have done that a few times. It's always a lot of fun.  We get the kids this weekend.  Also, we have tickets to the Strawberry festival thanks to Sandra.  That should be fun. Hopefully, it doesn't rain.  We'll see.  Anyways, Too much gets me in trouble.  I'm so stubborn.  It's a little unhealthy. 

Migraine

That was no regular migraine. It was enough to go to urgent care. I got vertigo which just made things worse. Thank goodness for Leah. We have such a strong bond. I'm so grateful the Universe aligned things for us to meet and become friends.

Birthday

Here and there I've made gifts or done gifts. It puts a smile on his face. He calls it being spoiled. I call it loving him.

Nature Therapy

Leah called this morning and invited to walk with her.  We went to a park. We had Indy, her dog, in tow.  We had a beautiful talk as usual.  The difference was our environment.  It was beautiful to take in nature.  I'm not one for outdoors activity.  Much of it is attributed to my hormone disorder. Plus, truth be told I'm a bit of a queen or diva. Give me air conditioning any day. So it was a complete surprise to me that I rather enjoyed the walk.  We walked about 3 or 4 miles but I really didn't notice.  I just enjoyed the moment. I was present.  There is something to be said about Vitamin D.  Since we spend so much of our time indoors we might not be getting enough.  It's tricky, though.  I have a B-12 and Vitamin D deficiency. However, with the hormone disorder I need coolness to maintain my temperature.  It can feel like some kind of hot flash if I'm not careful.  So, back to the nature therapy.  It was a wonderful walk.  I hope to be more consistent on walking with her. 

Feeling safe

My life used to read like a Lifetime movie.  You know the ones I am talking about. You cringe because your protagonist is making one bad decision after another.  These days it reads more like a Hallmark channel and I'm perfect happy about that.  So that feeling safe is important to me.  I had a wonderful conversation with a new friend about that.  She and I instantly connected.  We had similar experiences to understand one another.  That feeling safe came up.  It's hard to explain what exactly transpires.  Sometimes it's a physical hug.  Other times it's just having comforting words that assure me that I am not alone in my journey.  Granted, I have to work out my own issues.  But I have support.  I am not alone.  Feeling safe means not feeling alone.  It's priceless, really.  Feeling safe, that is.  You always hear the cliches about what is important in a relationship. Then, you experience for yourself.  Feeling safe is one of the top ones.  It's called many things.  But in the end, it works out to feeling safe.

Interesting

Stomach bug. Menopause. I've got something. I'm not much for inspiration. Catch you on the flip side.

Partner in crime

I don't have to pretend with Jeremy.  I am me. That means the good, the bad, and the who knows what?  When you can be your authentic self whether it is a friend or a significant other it is a beautiful feeling. My friendship with Jeremy is just as important as our relationship.  I like fostering that connection we have.  He's my partner-in-crime.  Our bond is strong but just like any relationship we have to work at it.  We compromise.  I am proud that we have this strength in our marriage.  We like each other which sounds strange to say but in marriages today people love each other but they don't always like each other.  We like each other.  We annoy each other but that's part of the fun.  In those quiet moments when no one is around we just lie near each other and be. If that makes sense...we rest together. We talk together. We do other things.  We mess with out phones together.  Jeremy is my partner-in-crime. I don't take that for granted and I am thankful that the stars aligned and the Universe smiled and steered us to each other.  We may not seem like a match on paper.  But we complement each other.  We mesh.

Hermit

Sometimes I just want to be a hermit.  I don't know when that happened.  I don't want to go anywhere.  I don't need to.  I have lunch.  I have reading.  I have mblex material.  I have Netflix.  That's probably not the healthiest or sanest thing but sometimes in order to bring my sanity back I have to do the hermit thing to get back on track.  I think sometimes it's my mood. Sometimes I am allergic to people? lol I don't know. Like I said...it's my mood right now.