Pep talk

I had an interesting conversation with Jeremy the other day.  Sometimes I like bringing up psychological topics with him.  He and I think so differently it often fascinates me on our opinions.  I don't know if I could appreciate the type of man Jeremy is unless I was this close and intimate with him.  He has a "cold" way of giving you the facts. No feeling.  Just facts.  But he does that because he cares.  If he didn't it be more of humiliating you with your false values or half wit ideas on where you stand.  I have often argued that it's not his place to show your the error of your argument.  After all, it's his version of the truth.  He most often is right about things. I loathe that.  But I loathe it because in my mind I think he's arrogant about it. What if he is just right.  And being right for someone who got the answer wrong translates to arrogance.  It might come down to perception.  He is right.  His answer is the most plausible.  But I might not be wrong.  It's this grey area I wonder about these days.  I call it a pep talk because it did make me think of the games my psyche is playing on me right now.  I either know my material or I don't.  Or I know well enough to pass.  I'm placing so much pressure on this test.  I have to step back and remember that I do know this material.  I was able to confirm that in a slight way by correcting mistakes on the book.  While that should frighten me that I can't hold the book to a higher level of confidence, it also showed me that I do know this.  I don't have actual meltdowns. I have virtual meltdowns.  I breakdown why I would want to meltdown but don't actually ever manifest into one.  It's like I analyze the reason I want to have the meltdown but logically restrain myself from having one because really...what good will it do? What possible benefit have I given myself?  I trick my brain into thinking I "got it out of my system".  I trick the silly part of myself that thinks with her emotions.  I let the "cold" part of me run things.  I don't want to be Jeremy.  But I do want change for me. I do want a different part of Jess. Because I feel different.  Thanks, for the pep talk, my love!