Dissection of Validation

I discovered something about myself regarding validation when I was having a conversation about it with Jeremy.  I rather love our conversations. We discuss various topics.It was originally about achievement or his perspective on it.    I value his opinion very much.  Which indirectly started the next discussion.  He was flattered but he was bothered about my need for validation.  We discussed the origin of that need.  It did open my eyes to things.  A few days ago I came to an epiphany of my own.  Sometimes I justify myself or explain myself more than I have to.  Probably because on some level I crave the validation.  When really, the person that needs to be okay with me...is well..me.  An argument with a friend brought up thoughts.  I want to be compassionate to people.  I want to make people comfortable.  However, I might enable to decide the terms of whom I am as a person.  The idea of that would make me scoff. That I would allow myself to be "modified" so much for a person.  And in a strange way...that's exactly what I was doing.  I don't mind provisions to comfort or help a person feel comfortable.  But what if I am enabling them to not see...their demands and expectations of me are ridiculous.  It's like I am too afraid to confront that they have the problem with me. So what did I do? I changed parts of myself.  And when they disputed that I did this for them...they didn't hold their own behavior accountable.  Accountability. Maybe that's what sent me to somehow set a boundary that I didn't bother telling me.  I wanted to but for now I don't feel they want to hear my side.  I should remind myself that my value doesn't lie in their hands.  And while I appreciate people expressing their feelings I think there is a difference in communication regarding expressing feelings and dissing them.  I heard such things that would have hurt me years ago.  That day...it did something else. It bothered me.  But it also made me see the dissection of validation.  It made me step back and take back control of my own value.  I don't need you to see this amazing person I am.  And that's exactly what I was doing....giving you that power.  That's my fault.  I am accountable to doing that.  I don't like fighting.  But I don't want you want me to be.  Life doesn't work like that.