Thursday, January 29, 2015

Trusting and trusting myself


It's not just about secrets.  It's about allowing someone to see you at your very worst.  It's nice to see someone at their best.  But you really get to know a person when they are at their worst.  I learned something about myself with trust.  I haven't been trusting my own voice.  Who knew? I would trust others.  But I didn't trust myself.  Once that negativity was removed...I saw things clearly.  I'm still dealing with residual negativity.  When I remove negativity it doesn't just go away like a snap of fingers.  Rather, it's a gradual removal.  I become emotionally attached to people and beings.  Today, I had an opportunity to gain trust from two wild cats.  They tolerated each other enough to let me close enough (but still a safe distance) to feed them.  We trusted each other.  It felt good.  It reminded me of trusting someone with who I am at all moments.  I am so grateful to those who let me be free.  I forgot how free I could be.  Me getting older is teaching me to let go.  38 has given me a new resolve.  It's not a screw you kind of resolve.  But it is one where if you don't like me for who I am in front of you...if you feel the need or want to change a part of me to suit you...well...that says something more about your shortcomings than mine.  And you're not worth my time.  You can have surface time.  I don't like running away from people.  But you won't get me.  Likewise, if I am not a benefit to your life...please do something.  I want to be a positive impact on you.  I want to leave you with feeling good about yourself because I helped with that. If nothing else, I want to make you laugh or smile...or both.  

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