Fears

A conversation I had with a friend got me thinking of fears.  Actually, if I think about it two conversations got me to that line of thinking.  Fears.  I don't know about you but my fears debilitate me sometimes.  What am I afraid of, though? Well, for starters...I am always so afraid of people to see me have seizures.  Even people I love and whom accept that this is part of me I still fear what they will react to.  For that, sometimes I think overcompensate on this bigger than life personality.  Which can sometimes be a bit much for some.  No worries.  Sometimes it's a bit much for me.  Sometimes it's like fighting with different sides of my personality figuring out who gets to come out and play.  I sound crazy.  In some ways, I am.  I'm the functional kind though.  I won't go postal or anything.  I've managed to control my outbursts and meltdowns.  I also changed my environment through my social relations.  My health really does depend on the kind of relationships I have.  As I age, I notice I don't have the same tolerance of negativity.  I don't need happy go lucky Holly but Negative Nancy is not for me.  Fears...I used to fear being irrelevant in this world.  Jeremy has helped me along with that.  I feel that man's love every moment.  On the outside world we are this comedic pair.  Behind closed doors, we still are.  But we have a softer side.  One the world doesn't have to be privy to.  Today, my fear might be failure in general.  This test used to do a number on me.  I'm mostly frustrated by it. I will pass one day.  And I will savor that moment.  I fear sometimes that I interpret things incorrectly.  I process thoughts differently anyways so it might add to complications.  I respect Jeremy a lot so it helps to run things by him.  Granted, it's about standing on my own thoughts.  We are working on that.  But I do trust he has my best interest in mind.  He is my teacher.  I am constantly learning from him.  I think I always will.  And for that acceptance and yearn Jeremy covets that.  I don't know that he is ever been adored like that.  That kind of love can warm even the most staunch of men.  And it does.  So back to fears.  Fears can overpower us.  But if we have someone with us on the adventure in overcoming them then anything that's thrown at us will be just that...overcome.