Trying to be normal

I tried to be normal so much growing up.  All I wanted to do was blend in.  Somewhere I found along the way I am left of the fork. Is that even a saying? Why is being accepted such an important thing? Where did we get this idea that our worthiness derives from this checkmark from a non existing panel.  Usually there is a group or an individual we so desperately want to impress or get approval.  I've had a handful of people.  I've only had one group.  It took one night to realize I wasn't part of this group.  It hurt.  But that reality helped me to see that my "freak flag" my weirdo essence is what made me the wonderful mess that I am.  As I grew older I felt like I needed to "grow up" or at least mature in some way.  I do have my mature moments when they are needed. But I am the Toys R Us kid without the toys.  And that's okay.  I had to love the way I was.  I think that was the hardest part...loving myself. Nowadays, I love fabulous me.  I'm out there.  I'm boisterous.  I'm left of center.  But it's what makes me lovable.  One class mate said it eloquently, " Who else could be such and oddball and still be loveable?" I am an oddball to the end.  It's made for an interesting adventure and life has never really been dull.  The best part is having a partner in crime who indulges me.  Jeremy thinks I'm silly but he follows me with my adventures.  Jeremy is in love with this weirdo.  That makes me smile. So trying to be normal is not something I do these days.  I just be me...whatever that means.  I'm still figuring things out about myself.