Laughter

I feel sore from laughing so much last night.  Our friend from out of town came in yesterday.  Her flight was delayed but luckily with Jeremy off, it didn't matter.  I had updated my client that I might be late.  But the flight was too close to my clock in time that I told her I would meet up with them for dinner.  Jeremy was awesome.  She had other crew mates coming in for training.  So he picked them up too.  Jeremy is just that kind of person.  It makes me proud, actually.  I got off of work and out of my uniform.  We went to dinner on the Riverwalk.  Something that only happens when we have out of town guests.  Last time we ate downtown my military friends were in town that I hadn't seen for 15 years.  Last time I had seen them was in Jeremy.  "Tiny Tot", as I'll call her because she is shorter than me is just an all around amazing person.  Jeremy and I had a nice lunch at Starbucks before hand because I still needed to get something to eat before work.  And he needed to eat light.  We originally were going to eat lunch with them but the flight delayed.  I got to use my birthday gift cards.  Yah.  Thanks, Grandma S! Redeemer by Pauyl Cardall is on.
We had dinner on the Riverwalk which seemed rather busy for a Monday night.  I also had a Corona.  Now, why that is meaningful is because of some of the abuse with Woody involved a Corona.  But through my therapy, it was just a bottle.  And I recognized it.  I'm aware what it symbolizes on a logical level.  But the emotional trigger was not there.  In fact, it was a redo of sorts.  Redo aren't always because I had a bad experience before.  More times than not, it is.  But there are times it is not.  It's just a way to redo a memory that I otherwise want to share with Jeremy or redo because I want another memory to reflect on.  So, a corona will remind me the memory of last night.  Laughter is great.  My client makes me laugh a lot too.  Jeremy and I have this rapport with the craziest things we say together or to each other.  We were talking about connecting the other day.  I asked him if we connected on all levels because given some of our struggles the past year, I don't know if I really knew the answer.  He said yes.  He did say sometimes it falters when we have had our struggles so it can vary from moment to moment.  But he likened it to a range.  We're always on the range but sometimes the barometer is more 90 that day.  And before it was 95.  And we fought, 60. I liked that analogy.  And told him likewise.  Jeremy is clumsy with my feelings sometimes, but he won't know what's wrong unless I tell him.  And I am trying to learn how to convey it in a most logical fashion.  It certainly is helping me to improve my debating skills with him.  And I have also come to recognize and point out to him, that logically, I understand that line of thought he might have but that he might not have used tact on that particular subject.  But there is something that does save us.  Our sense of humor.  I can explain that my feelings get hurt but I use humor.  And suddenly the blow is lessened.  I still convey that my feelings were hurt but they don't stay hurt because I rebuff or go about it with humor.  I'm happy we got back on track.  Maybe we weren't headed to something so drastic as a divorce 10 months ago.    But I didn't feel like "us" if that makes any sense.  I felt disconnected.  I felt I was doing it.  But I felt it because he was behaving differently.  And therefore, I was reacting.  Sure, we still don't always see eye to eye on things.  But we're on the same page.  Whatever it takes, we figure it out.  And maybe that was the take away.  Laughter.  As I was looking at Jeremy yesterday in the car, on the way to dinner, I smiled and then, he smiled...He's my favorite person to laugh with. That experience where we found humor, or something that got us laughing...that feeling of connection...is an amazing feeling.  And I want to hold onto it.