The Library

I feel like Norm at that place.  I knew the librarians if not by name...at least by face.  It amazed me that they remember my request for new books.  I was astonished at the memory of one librarian regarding a book I am so excited about coming and finally it will be here next week.  Is it weird how much I like books? I get lost in books.  Jeremy gets lost in books too. I love that about us. Yes...are big dorks and nerds,  He has his video games and I have my shows. We do things together but as time goes by we don't have to spend every waking moment together to feel the quality of our relationship.  I also like that I have been able to keep my independence in my relationship. Jeremy constantly supported and encouraged that I have separate interests from him. He always saw that as a healthy element of our relationship.  I didn't quite see that at the beginning.However, I am so glad he saw it and made sure that it has always been a part of us.  I'm not emotionally dependent on him for my happiness. Getting back to the library.  I go in there constantly.  I love being around books. It's like a home away from home.  I love being educated...stimulating my brain...keeping myself busy...finding something to do with myself.  Whatever the reason...I love that I love books.  I told you that my life wasn't exactly the fab life.  It's not exactly filled with glamour.  It works for me.  I am happy...content..you name it. :)

Vacation

I am excited about our vacation to Florida. We are going to see Jeremy's mom. She hasn't seen the kids in about 4 years.  We are going to be there for a week.  This weekend I will start organizing a list so that I can start organize our packing. Sometimes I think I enjoy organizing just a little too much.  I think we are only going to Universal Studios this time.  The kids are older and will enjoy a lot more things this time around.  I just remembered that Liz wants them to watch Harry Potter movies so they can enjoy the ride more.  It's been a hectic week.  We have the guy coming back from Jon Wayne to put in our door.  Other than that, next week is less chaotic.  The week after will be interesting.  For one it's when Jeremy starts his Furlough.  So Mondays he will also be with us. Then prepping for vacation.  Before we know it will be vacation time! I will take plenty of pictures. I am so excited. I put excited at the beginning and the end of this blog. Nice!

Something to think about

DOMA is gone. Whether you are for or against the decision made today...you must admit it is an important one. It marks a change in our mind set.  I've always thought about it like this.  Whether I support marriage equality or not (why by the way I do) a key question is this.  What right do I have to interfere in someone else's life.  Even if I didn't agree in gay marriages I don't feel it's my right to have an opinion on how you conduct your marriage. After all, you certainly are not going to have an opinion on my marriage.  I can understand that it makes people uncomfortable. I can even go as far as understanding and respecting that not everyone is going to feel the same way I do.  However, I get uncomfortable when we no longer speak of opinions and rather we fling insults and bash.  I know it's far fetched to believe we can discuss topics without getting into a heated debate and start bashing.  But in the end..it's what I want.  I want respect...more than anything. I want respect for each other for discussing the topics...whatever the topics are.  Perhaps that is too idealistic.  Perhaps I am dreaming. Perhaps one day we will have a more tolerable environment where people are not afraid to be themselves.

Organizing

I think I was on an organization kick today.  I did the normal washing dishes and laundry...since you know that is never ending! However, I managed to organize the upstairs closet and my closet.  I have some clothes to donate too.  I like organizing. It's almost...well therapeutic. Spring cleaning came a bit late...I guess lol.  Anyways, back to organizing.  I took a break to not over do it. And then I was at it again.    Sometimes I get into a project and want to just get it done.  And then I remember my body doesn't exactly work like that.  It's a bit frustrating at times.  Tomorrow I think I will take a rest day.  I have a coffee with my friend Nicole from high school.  It's going to be a great week.

Making a statement

So my project or focus became the living room.  I wanted to to open up more space near the television.  The main color is red.  Dark red to be exact.  Ashley and I found a wonderful print at Hobby Lobby.  And the best part is it was discounted.  Sylvia was nice enough to give me two side pieces that go great with the main piece.  Since we are investing in the condo I feel like I can really put roots down now.  In other words, I feel like it's starting to become a home.  I am also thinking of collages of pictures or memories. I don't know about that yet. It's a thought.  It was a very productive day today.  I'm looking forward to more projects. My friend Rosie has some saved for me.  I can't wait!

DIY and other wife things...or not...that is the question

I'm obsessed with Pinterest.  I am constantlyon the look out  for cheap DIY projects.  I have always been on the more frugal side when it comes to projects.  Here and there I pick up side jobesque  to cater to any projects that might cost extra.   I also want to improve my baking skills.  If we had ever had home economics I think I might have actually wanted to take that class....silly as that sounds. For others they seem so natural in that environment. Sometimes I feel like a giraffe trying to wobble around as I maneuver the more homemaking skills.  Alone, it was easy whipping up chicken recipes or a steak or two.  Somehow...an audience will scare me.  It really shouldn't.  The few times I attempt  I get compliments on my baking or cooking.  Still...the need to not fail is there.  I am so grateful that Jeremy accepts who I am...and who I'm not for that matter.  I try..and it's sweet. But I will never truly be June Cleaver.  I'm more likely to be  Betty Page first.  I fit my own mold of wifehood.  It's a bit different.  The important part is that our relationship doesn't suffer from it...In fact...I'd almost say my lack of wife skills has turned into more of an advantage.  I'm the wife that gets invited to the "no wife or girlfriend events".  I'm one of the guys...once again.  Last time I was in this position I felt a little bad about because I was "one of the guys".  This time...I embrace it.

Connections,truth, and that age old question

You have them.  Sometimes you have them better with your friends than your family.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes your spouse is that one connection that makes everything else make sense. Sometimes it's all about the connection you have with yourself. Sometimes not.  When you have a connection it's hard to see past ugliness of not having it....unless of course at one point you didn't have it.  I read a very disturbing book recently.  In the book the mother didn't love her daughter...and worse would tell her so.  Imagine the impact and psychology trauma and torture one endures into adulthood with experiences like that.  I'm extremely lucky that these days I surround myself with people that have positive energy.  Yes...friends and families do have "bad hair days" or the blues. However, they do not reside in negative place city.  Oddly, as I am getting older...my threshold for this negative energy is thinning. I just don't have the energy to keep positive thoughts and energy if you aren't at least making an effort to help yourself.  Life happens. Really bad things in life happen. It's the approach and way you deal with those things that determines your strength, your threshold, and your outcomes.  I've watched how different people handle a similar situation. I've watched how different people handle difficult people in their life.  I've watched how I handle difficult people.  You learn lessons from the toxicity of situations.  Not every day is magical...sometimes months...and years go by before a spark of magic is seen. And what it comes down to is...connection....connection to the world. The way I see it...when a person connection with the world..through music, words, or people they express what they feel. They outlet their emotions and feelings. And if there was any toxicity there it has an outlet...a way to be released.  Some connect with words.  Authors, songwriters, or singers give a feeling, a story, a description of an event....a way for us to relate to the things they have felt.  Some connect with sight. Artists and photographers sometimes can capture so much by just showing us a picture.  After all...a picture or painting can be worth a 1000 words.  There are those that have connections with people. I have that.  I feed off the connection I have with people.  Since I am sometimes isolated by being at home I yearn to interact with people.  However, these days I am learning for my words to connect people since I am no longer interacting face to face with that many people.  And then there is spiritual connection. Enlightenment...God....Nature...the Universe....we find ways to connect ourselves past just what is in front of us.  We seek answers to truths we aren't sure where the question lies.  Connections...sometimes the simplest answer really is the right or probable answer.  What is our purpose....good question.  Maybe there is no linear answer.  Maybe the right question isn't being asked. Maybe we don't have a black and quite answer...rather a grey structure on what we base our values on.  Maybe...we will never know.Or maybe knowing isn't the answer we are looking for. Maybe it's simply going on a journey...and looking for our own version of the truth.

Technology

How far we have come. Not 10 years ago we didn't exactly bother with. Now...it's a part of us..like an extra arm. I have internet.  I have navigation. I have my day planner.   I have texting. I have facebook. And it does something else..oh yeah...makes phone calls. It has been said that because of the technology we have become impersonal. And to a point...I can see that. However, it's connected me w people I thought I wouldn't see again because of distance. Technology has bridged that gap. If you work hard enough. ..you don't lose perdosal connection. It's the kind of connection that turns it personal or not. I text w the kids. By this age parents are ignored. It's nice that any communication is happening. Especially, since the kids being tweens and teenagers is such a fragile time. So...thank you technology. Connection...is still key.

Your demeanor

Sometimes it's hard not to be suspicious of repair guys because I am a woman.  Between yesterday's guy and today's guy I felt I had options with the latter. The latter seemed matter of fact.  He explained that our unit is obsolete.  The R-22 isn't being made much anymore.  He even offered to come back and speak with Jeremy about options so nothing gets lost in translation between repairing or just completely replacing.  And how did the price of replacing go from $4,957 to $2,000.  And you wonder why I don't like to be around repair men by myself. I automatically think I'm being played. It helped to actually see a guy not do that. In fact...it was refreshing.  So, Matt. Thank you for giving me hope not all repair men are scum just waiting to screw me over.  It was your demeanor that helped me to relax.  It was your offer to speak with Jeremy in person that I recognized perhaps you aren't trying to slip one over us.  After all, you came from Jon Wayne.  I'd hate for the Duke to be untrustworthy. lol

Drama

I used to have a lot of it in my life. I had what I thought were friends and allowed myself not to see there was no benefit to them. Am I still around drama? To a point. But I have learned. ..a friend having drama...is simply a friend having drama. Some people look for drama. Some simply are not able to see signs that drama is on it's way. Some just have pkain dumb luck about drama. I was thinking about all this as I listened to a friend describea person antagonizing them. Do these people who antagonize other people feed off that drama. Do they like harassing? What is it, really? Something to think about.

Family

So I was sort of having a writer's block on what to write about.  And there it was.in front of me.  I asked the kids and Ashley just came up with it.  So...now that I am listening to some great music I feel inspired. Let us talk about family.  Family is so important.  The support system that is your family can shape your days sometimes.  I don't know about you but I have needed to lean on mine at times.  Between my condition...or simply the toxicity of certain people in my life...I have had to seek advice or simply validation of things regarding my personality, my decision making...or simply to have a second opinion.  Family doesn't always form from blood relations....although it is beautiful when you do have a mother, sister, brother, father...etc to be able to confide in.  No...sometimes family is in the friendships one has formed.  The bonds that I have created with my family helps to me reaffirm things in my life.  I don't feel lost.....I have direction...once again.  And talks with family is a good feeling.  I had one the other day with Ashley.  I just had one with Thomas. Just talking.  Being a mom is crazy and a wonderful feeling.  I can't wait to see where this journey takes us....Family....what a beautiful word.

There are Tuesdays with Morrie...I've got Thursdays with Leticia

It is Thursdays. Which means it's visiting Leticia time. I have been calling her "Laura" because we started out in a an Elder Friends program. It's coming up on a year now.   Now that we are no longer in the program I don't see any reason to hide her identity. She moved.  After 40 years she moved.  I can't even imagine what that feels like.  However, I really think this move is good.  She moved into am independent senior living apartment complex.  It's a great community setting while still allowing for independence.  She is no longer so isolated.  I will still visit her on Thursdays. But maybe I can also make it out on Tuesdays sometimes.  The nearest church is my former school so it will be nice to go back to that church.  I usually don't make it out to that church because it's far. But for her and visiting with her it is worth it.  I am blessed and lucky to have Leticia in my life.  She tells me that I have helped her so much.  Truth is...she helped me.

Is it just going to fade?

Ok ok. I am going to try to keep up with this blogging thing. I have plenty to say. My mind has so many scattered thoughts that I should just organize them somewhere.  It's like having a streaming conversation or an ongoing thought where no real break happens. Does that ever happen to you? I mean...do I have a focus? I'm a housewife. I do housewifey things...And projects.  I am always looking for projects. Although my DIY things...well I like to be frugal and economical. I have always been like this.  Reading keeps me company.  And now the kids do too. We have them the whole summer.  They are growing up so fast. So is this blog only for me.. Will anyone read this? Do I want them to?