Happiness Glitterbag

A friend once described that as all the things that make me happy.  It goes in my happiness glitterbag.  A weekend like this certainly does.  It started out with Jeremy's office party.  Such a great group of people.  It's nice to be able to mingle and not depend on having Jeremy by my side.  One of coworker friends actually brought a white elephant gift specific for me.  However, we didn't participate in it.  I kind of like where it ended up.  That person and I love talking Doctor Who together.  She's such a spunky personality.  I love it.  While my sleep has been better, it still has been a rough week.  I couldn't tell if Javier was lying about knowing about CPS because of the chain of events.  The plan is.  However, at this point, he knows about the CPS and the assault investigation.  So a night like Friday was much needed.  We went to see the movie Star Wars on Saturday.  And Sunday, spent the day early with "L" and DA since they had plans later in the night.  I wrote more in my story.  I'm excited for that! It's not a lot.  But I am so proud of myself for putting pen to paper.  It might take years to complete it but it makes me feel good.  And that's the important part. So this wonderful weekend really filled my Happiness Glitterbag.  And just spending it with Jeremy.  At different points in the weekend, I curled up and held him. And closed my eyes and took in that hug.  This man has been my rock.  All couples have struggle.  We've had our share.  Especially this year.  But I love how we figure it out together.  I love how we're stronger after the struggle.  I guess it took a week to really digest reporting him.  I've informed a few others friends.  A couple more high school friends that were part of my healing process.  Along with a friend, a musician friend that helped with the healing process last year.  I literally went to his concert thing on Aug 1 last year.  It was therapeutic? We dated in our teens but managed to stay friends over the years.  Him and his wife are amazing together.  I also baked cookies again.  That was so much fun! "L" and I are dangerous on the silliness factor.  But I love how these silly moments and adventures make me smile and laugh.  It helps me get stronger.  It helps my soul. In some ways, it's my soul that has needed recharge.  Triggers and old wounds are coming up.  I hadn't realized the magnitude of emotional abuse I had with Javier.  Words like Gaslighting and Love bombing are helping me to understand how much of a monster he really is.  My entire relationship was a lie.  That is something I'm having to work with.  My only consolation is that he's not my first love.  JMB is.  I hadn't meant to fall in love with my best friend.  But when your best friend shows you the kind of love you deserve, it sometimes happens.  .And your own boyfriend has this abusive side .  It happens.  I like our friendship now.  We still talk.  But we're not those 20 something kids.  We both have lives.  We're both spouses and parents.  And we don't talk every day.  Just here and there.  It used to be more last year when I needed it.  But I don't need it anymore.  And the most important part is that Jeremy understands the friendship.  We never see each other.  Just text and once in a while, call.  And I show Jeremy the conversations.  That's the interesting thing about thanking some of the friends on this healing journey.  This journey has been going on for 20 years.  Some knew Javier with me.  Like Jeremy.  Some knew of just the pain and saw what it did to me.  I said thank you for being part of my healing journey.  But what I meant to say also was thank you for saving my life.  Each one of those people I thanked, saved my life.  They pulled me up to have the courage to report the rape.  Jesus Christ, that was difficult.  I always worried that I would be questioned why I didn't report ala Piers Morgan.  And I still could get that if this goes anywhere.  I was given the choice to press charges.  I didn't.  I wanted a paper trail.  If he gets any charges pressed, I want them on the CPS.  And really, all she wants is supervised visits because he's not fit to be alone with his kids.  These Monsters really exist.  I knew him.  I dated him.  I married him. But I reported him.  From this Moment by Jim Brickman is on. 
And then, there's you.  You, my quiet spaces have also saved my life and given me the courage to report it.    404 people have viewed the case number blog entry.  Of all the entries to ever have high numbers...that is the most meaningful one.  So, thank you.  You make me heart melt.  You also fill the Happiness Glitterbag