Choosing the right kind of people

That's an important thing whether you are thinking in terms of friendship or relationships.  I chose so unwisely for my relationships.  I look back and I think I sabotaged them.  I haven't had a real relationship since Rickard.  If I had truly thought about these relationships I wouldn't have entered them.  I had more meaningful connection with some of my lovers than my actual boyfriends.  I didn't get close.  I didn't want to.  It's interesting now to be friends with him.  I remember why were such good friends.  It's funny...I don't see him as an ex...even though he is. I see him as the Rickard before we embarked on our romantic journey.  Back to choosing the right kind of people.....I am relieved Jeremy chose me.  He saw something in me.  I wasn't there yet to see it.  I felt like damaged goods.  I didn't feel worthy.  You start believing some of the things your romantic partners tell you.  I mean...you are the common denominator.  I thought about that.  I realized I wasn't suited to be with them.  So I didn't give them the best version of me.  I didn't think about the type of people I was around like I do now.  I didn't do that with friends either.  I only have a handful of friends that really see the vulnerability that I have.  I think about the decisions I put out into the world now.  I am conscious of the kind of life I am trying to have.  That's new.  It's also being the right kind of person for them.  That's a new one too.  I want to the be the right kind of partner for Jeremy.  I want to strive for that always.  I will always want to work on my relationship with Jeremy.  Jeremy isn't my everything but he is my world.  I adore him with every fiber of my being.  I don't put him on a pedestal.  But I do adore him and respect him.  I want to be the right kind of person for Jeremy. I want to be the right kind of friend.  It's important for me to have a positive impact in the world.I hope I do.