The ones we lose

Maybe the timing is interesting because Day of the Day is coming up. I couldn't tell you.  I thought of my Grandma today but to be honest...she's always at the forefront of my mind.  I have always believed she's been my guardian angel on this journey I am calling life.  I can't give you proof.  I can only give you my faith that she's been there....protecting me.  However, in recent moments I felt a second presence.  My friend Aaron was a complicated individual in life.  It stands to reason he's a complicated individual in death too.  Today as I was organizing some pictures I ran across him.  It stopped me in my tracks.  I didn't know what to feel actually.  It's been some time now (May) where the initial grief has subsided.  I won't lie to you and say I didn't have a very volatile and tumultuous friendship with him.  But I also can't lie and tell you his death didn't shake me to my core.  So death...a blog about death...on a Monday.  What a way to start the day.  My mortality is more on my mind now as I get older.  I've heard that is common.  It might be why I prefer to be around people that support me rather than bring me down.  I don't mind someone's take on me.  I can even deal with constructive criticism of me.  What I also need is support and positive reinforcement of my value to you.  Otherwise, it just feels like you're slinging insults at me.  That starts telling me more about you than really me.  The ones we lose....we start with the memories. If we are lucky we deal with the good...and the bad...and maybe even the ugly.  We deal with it all.  The ones we lose...their memory is not forgotten.  We speak less of them.  Our daily life may not necessarily have their name etched so readily somewhere. But we have still thought of the ones we lose.  Elysium from Gladiator is on.  How appropriate.