Betty Kearney

Okay Okay.  I was trying to be punny.  Okay.  Okay. I'll stop. lol Betty Crocker, it is.
I went to half price bookstore to see if I could find a baking book yesterday. I found a brownie book.  But it's a brownie mix cookbook.  That was exciting to find.  And the reason is because "L" and I were having a conversation on where to start in the baking arena.  She suggested to get box ones first and then mix it up with my own flair.  So I made brownies yesterday...with a twist.  They were Betty Crocker's version of Mexican brownies.  Jeremy thought they were delicious.  I even had one for breakfast today.  I couldn't go walking because of the rain.  So, instead, I did Zumba.  I forgot how much fun it was.  I was bummed when they changed the schedule on the Zumba classes at the gym.  But I no longer have a membership there.  I can't believe a week from now, I'm turning 40.  I am excited about it.  This weekend, if all goes well, I am getting my first gift, the tattoo.  It's going to surround my other tattoo.  I will give the artist some liberty on how to ribbon around it but it will have a trinity knot on all four ends and at the top, Serenity.  The Trinity knot has always been an important part of me.  Even as a child, I looked at it as more of my version of a cross, than the cross itself.  So it has incredible symbolic meaning.  Last year, Jeremy gave me a necklace charm for my birthday.  This year, it is 3 gifts that I wanted.  I was going for a T rex costume, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw myself being claustrophobic.  The first one is the tattoo.  I had been thinking about another tattoo but I didn't exactly have the right idea on the design.  And then, about a month ago, it hit me.  The first one is a testimony regarding my pain journey and at the time, the hope for real love.  The hope for a love where I got to be myself.  Trust me.  I had no idea Jeremy was in that realm.  The second would be about my healing journey.  And I wanted a special word on top.  Made whole had been coming up but something felt weird about it.  And then, while I was swirling around with thoughts, an epiphany.  In therapy, the comfort place that I have envisioned...the place is called Serenity.  Even the movie has a bit of history with me.  Serenity prayer has a history.  Serenity.  How so very fitting.  The second gift is ancestry DNA.  I've been wanting to do this for years.  I think 40 is the best time for it.  And finally, something small but yet, so significant.  I want a King and Queen chess pieces home decor.  I found them long ago at Ross.  But I like that Jeremy is getting them for me.  We had a conversation where he acknowledge I am his Queen.  I don't hear those words often from him.  Sighs.  Sometimes, he is such a man of few words.  He has improved on words of affirmation.  But it isn't his strong suit.  And that can be hard on me sometimes.  So I resolved it.  I asked him to write 10 things he liked about me.  And it's now on my phone as a screen saver.  That way, I see it...every time I check my phone.  It makes me smile.  It makes me giggle.  It makes my heart warm in a fuzzy way.  Because of the pain of my past and the verbal cruelty that Javier did, words means so much...whether bad or good.  Hearing you'e stupid for years does something to you, especially if you're struggling with a learning disability of sorts.  I have come to realize how incredibly intelligent I am.  But not without some blood, sweat, and tears.  And not all of them have been my blood, sweat, and tears.  I've had friends work so hard to change my perspective of myself.  Sound for Silence by Dean Evenson is on. Every day is another opportunity for healing and growth.  It is another day for me to learn about myself and grow from some of the experiences I have had.  This life is all about learning lessons from those experiences.  Sometimes when thinking of our purpose...I imagine us as chess pieces to this game of life.  The Universe and God, having players in the game.  The pieces move on their own.  But sometimes both take a stake and give some help.  And so I imagine that these experiences help us learn.  They build memories.  And somewhere along the way, it builds a certain "energy".  These are the thoughts of a Unicorn sometimes.