Profound

That is the way I can describe this birthday so far.  39 seemed to be about over the top.  My 40th is about...profound.  My birthday is about...meaning.  From the beautiful card that Jeremy got me to the birthday video that my friend Nat just sent to the video chat Shortstop gave me.  Which btw, we hadn't seen each other in years.  That was a beautiful birthday gift in and of itself.  Her birthday is a day before me.  She usually forgot and put it with hers.  Which is cute. So does my friend JMB.  His is the 26th.  I feel the love.  I feel the depth and meaning behind this birthday.  I feel the heartfelt beauty of celebrating life...my life.  I celebrate the hardships.  I celebrate the pain.  I celebrate the joys that came from such pain.  It almost reminds me of the movie, "Inside out".  Some of the best moments in life that became joyful originated from sad.  Jeremy has an interview today.  Yes.  An interview.  Wouldn't that be a birthday gift??! Either way, I am proud of him trying to move forward.  I am proud of us.  Marriage is not easy.  You have two entities.  You have two people that think differently...even if they think similarly.  In some ways, Jeremy and I are alike.  I see that now with my confidence.  And in some ways, I see how differently we are.  However, when you love fiercely, you figure it out.  I'm proud of our evolution as a married couple.  We struggle to communicate and get across to each other sometimes.  We struggle to compromise sometimes.  But every day we choose to be here together.  I watch more closely now at those quiet moments between us...the moments where you realize you have built a friendship, a life, forged a bond and connected with a person.  Whether it's my best friends.  Or my husband.  Or my family.  Or even my cat....It's about connecting and truly feeling that connection with those I love.  Even...the connection I have with myself.  That one has been the hardest one to figure out.  Truly.  But with therapy, I am understanding the core of some of my pain.  I am understanding how my life has paved a certain way through my decisions and choices.  Keys to the Heart from Danny Wright is on.  I hope you have a profound day, today.  Because I am.  And it's not even over yet.  At 10:16 p.m. CST, I will be 40.  What a beautiful moment that will be .  It will be like a quietness of two ships passing.  And it will be a smile that only the heart can see.  That only the heart understands how to feel it.  Let that sink in...Yes...I really just got corny on you.  I have such a happiness because the best gift...I gave to myself.  I am learning how to be free of my own chains...my own pain...my own prison.  Here's to timing....and the Universe.