Today, I have therapy. We have EMDR, which I told my therapist I was game for it. I am intrigued by a method of healing. Speaking of healing, my birthday is coming up and one of the gifts I am getting from Jeremy is a tattoo. It's actually very simple. It will surround my existing tattoo but I wanted to commemorate my healing journey. I almost went with the word heal but looking at the word, somehow it didn't do it justice. So I looked up other words for it and came up with Make whole. That's been a theme for my healing. I had the aspects inside but that ultimately, I was trying to make myself whole. So make whole sounds fitting. I might change my mind before then. Restore was also a thought. I also am excited about finding my background through ancestry.com. I think it's only the DNA part but still. Turning 40 sounds like a fitting time to do that. I've always been intrigued. I started my new assignment yesterday. Mrs. Walters (not her real name) and I had a blast. It's a stark difference from the work environment I was a month ago. Funny how different people react to you as a person. I stayed longer than I should have but I have thick skin. If all goes well, this will be my new assignment. Jeremy and I are doing better as well. We're trying to be good to each other. We love each other. And we have a strong bond in our friendship. I noticed it last night when he was playing some ridiculous game. He convinced me to play it. It's a silly game but there we were laughing our heads off from it. It felt good. I am turning 40 very soon. I am looking forward to it. That may sound weird. But I just feel like I'm on a different level. Somewhere in the last year, I grew up. Some from healing. Some from pain. All, very necessary. I'm a different person. I feel it inside. Part of me is hardened, perhaps even jaded from life...and in some way, people. But at the same time, I see the beauty and am aware of how much I am blessed in my life with friends, and that still brings me to awe. I took on this Unicorn and embodied it...and never looked back. Whether it was sensible or not. I took on Queen Sparkles like the adorkable Queen that I am and never looked back. You don't like my silliness. Get out of my way. You think I'm weird (and not in a good way) and then also tell me in an insulting way...well you can fuck off too. I don't have time for people that don't life others or myself up. I try for a while. Call it pretending. Call it trying. After about a year with someone's bullshit, I just am done. That's usually how long I give a person. You disrespect me. Then, you find out I'm not the sweet Hufflepuff. I have my limits too. At the same time, I still want to strive to be the best Hufflepuff I can be. I just have to find a balance. Or if I become a negative impact on your life, I let go. That's another one. Whether my fault or not, I walk away. Not because I don't care. But because I do. In any case, I'll let you know how therapy went. It should be interesting.
No comments:
Post a Comment