Thursday, January 12, 2017

I'm game for it


Today, I have therapy.  We have EMDR, which I told my therapist I was game for it.  I am intrigued by a method of healing.  Speaking of healing, my birthday is coming up and one of the gifts I am getting from Jeremy is a tattoo.  It's actually very simple.  It will surround my existing tattoo but I wanted to commemorate my healing journey.  I almost went with the word heal but looking at the word, somehow it didn't do it justice.  So I looked up other words for it and came up with Make whole.  That's been a theme for my healing.  I had the aspects inside but that ultimately, I was trying to make myself whole.  So make whole sounds fitting.  I might change my mind before then.  Restore was also a thought.  I also am excited about finding my background through ancestry.com.  I think it's only the DNA part but still.  Turning 40 sounds like a fitting time to do that.  I've always been intrigued.  I started my new assignment yesterday.  Mrs.  Walters (not her real name) and I had a blast.  It's a stark difference from the work environment I was a month ago.  Funny how different people react to you as a person.  I stayed longer than I should have but I have thick skin.  If all goes well, this will be my new assignment.  Jeremy and I are doing better as well.  We're trying to be good to each other.  We love each other.  And we have a strong bond in our friendship.  I noticed it last night when he was playing some ridiculous game.  He convinced me to play it.  It's a silly game but there we were laughing our heads off from it.  It felt good.  I am turning 40 very soon.  I am looking forward to it.  That may sound weird.  But I just feel like I'm on a different level.  Somewhere in the last year, I grew up.  Some from healing.  Some from pain.  All, very necessary.  I'm a different person.  I feel it inside.  Part of me is hardened, perhaps even jaded from life...and in some way, people.  But at the same time, I see the beauty and am aware of how much I am blessed in my life with friends, and that still brings me to awe.  I took on this Unicorn and embodied it...and never looked back.  Whether it was sensible or not.  I took on Queen Sparkles like the adorkable Queen that I am and never looked back.  You don't like my silliness.  Get out of my way.  You think I'm weird (and not in a good way) and then also tell me in an insulting way...well you can fuck off too.  I don't have time for people that don't life others or myself up.  I try for a while.  Call it pretending.  Call it trying.  After about a year with someone's bullshit, I just am done.  That's usually how long I give a person.  You disrespect me.  Then, you find out I'm not the sweet Hufflepuff.  I have my limits too.  At the same time, I still want to strive to be the best Hufflepuff I can be.  I just have to find a balance.  Or if I become a negative impact on your life, I let go.  That's another one.  Whether my fault or not, I walk away.  Not because I don't care.  But because I do.  In any case, I'll let you know how therapy went.  It should be interesting.  

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