It's a shame

It's a shame that certain people have decided that accountability is not in their nature.  Some very important information came to light today.  As I sit here with the new information, it makes me...more sad...than mad, really.  I despise lying.  I didn't do it will already irritate me.  But when you deliberately make up stories or weave something of a truth to favor "your side of the story", that's worse in my eyes.  For the love of a princess from Myleene Klass is on.  It's good to have calm music for the feeling I have inside.  Jeremy is off but I didn't tell him about the information yet.  He has an interview with a head hunter today.  I can tell him tonight.  Here it is.  I've been calling up the Criminal Investigations office to attempt to get my report amended.  Officer Noble put an incorrect birthday for me. I finally reached someone.  Dolores told me the investigation is backlogged because they have so many of them, not dismissed as Javier's lawyer had said.  I haven't received a phone call.  That's all.  Javier is deliberately trying to paint a picture of CC and I as scheming wives.  And in some ways, I can see how he could pull off that perception if he thinks there is no proof.  I think two things. He either things we're too scared to show it or too stupid.  No, really.  He called her crazy and me, stupid.  Why wouldn't he underestimate us? I look back  at interactions with people.  I can understand why I was so forthcoming.  I don't like honest.  It's been tainted, to me.  But forthcoming means I told the truth.  And this is my truth.  And you know what? I'm consistent.  That's the beautiful about me.  Someone can cover up the truth.  Someone can try to half truth their way out of something.  Someone can downright lie.  The truth will come out, someway, somehow.  I mean...even my blog serves as a truth coming out.  He'd like to think we slander him.  However, it isn't slander when it's the truth.  It took me a  long to say anything so there forgo any evidence, per se.    It took me a long time because I  have struggled with this for so long.  Each survivor has a different story on how they coped.  This is mine.  When I started blogging, I couldn't really tell you where the story development was going.  At first, it just seemed about my life and adventures.  Then, about my friendships and my relationship with Jeremy.  But all that centered on how I was dealing with life, as a rape victim who didn't want to drown from pain that at times, could consume me.  I tried two times to go to the Rape Crisis Center.  I got help but I hadn't reported.  I was getting close to something when a friendship or I should say friendships set me back emotionally.  And that's okay.  It means I wasn't ready yet to report.  I needed to see Javier on August 1...THIS YEAR.  I firmly believed things happened for a reason.  I needed the strength to know what to do once I reported.  And I did.  I got help.  I learned how to look at things.  I learned how to decipher on what Javier did to me doesn't mean others are trying to do that to me.  It's hard to explain patterns that sometimes go through my brain when I feel betrayed, threatened, or hurt.  For me, they seem as real and as hurtful as the emotional toll of what happened.  But it's not.  They are different hurts.  And no one is Javier.  I've been abused by an ex husband.  I've been abused by an ex boyfriend. But no one has quite mind fucked me like Javier.  In fact, neither might have had a chance to abuse me if I hadn't believed Javier that I was that worthless.  In that sense, my story is very similar to other rape stories.  One might ask why I was so open to write about it to anyone....much less...
Unchained Melody by Esteban is on.  Thank you, Universe....much less strangers.  But each time one of you read my story, I became stronger.  I know none of you.  And yet, I know you.  I know that my words meant something to you for you to continue to read my story.  I will never get tired of thanking you for being a support I had no idea I needed.