Think Unikitty

I'm trying to find humor in how I feel right now.  Someone dared to stir the dragon bitch in me.  And why, you may ask?  It first started with reading something I wasn't supposed to see.  But damn if the Universe didn't have it that someone, somewhere was calling me a liar.  In the worst way ever.  My rapist...was calling me a liar.  Of course, he was.  He's not going to admit something like this.  My logic knows that.But still....my emotions couldn't wrap myself around this information.    He's covering his butt.  Could you imagine if it got out what he did to me? Is there a possibility that he could go to jail? At least in his mind, that's why the panic is there.  It happened in 1996.  I have no physical evidence to give.  There is no DNA sample to give.  It's why I didn't press charges.  I just wanted documentation.  So....my version of Voldermort was saying it didn't happen.  So I went and got the incident report.  Only...I had to verify I was really the victim.  I mean...could you imagine? It was like some fucked up violation all over again.  I have to prove to someone that this really happened...and I'm really me...because someone put the wrong birthday.  Think Unikitty.  I went fucking nuts.  I was a bitch in my eyes.  But I didn't care.  I was leaving with an incident report.  I did, thank goodness.  I verified Javier's information, along with mine...and the right birthday.  I also requested my therapy sessions at the Rape Crisis Center.  They have a new location! I decided to make an appointment while I was there so maybe I'll be able to pick them up on my next appointment.  But if not, closure is needed.  I am in a good spot.  Before, I think I would have just cried from the incident.  Instead....I just became mad.  I don't like the idea of being that mad and becoming a raging bitch.  But usually when I feel the need to lie or become negative in some way, there is a method to my madness with it.  Like not telling a client about my condition.  This time around I haven't told my client. They have enough to worry about.  I see it as lying by omission.  Luckily, I wasn't alone with this.  I had support.  And what support.  It's funny what you will do for others.  I don't know if I would have pushed for any of my information to come out.  But he forced my hand, in a way.  You were hoping I never had the guts to report you, asshole.  You deny your neglect and child abuse.  Of course, you're going to deny the rape.  Watch me, mother fucker.  Watch me show documentation.  Lie...my ass.  I guess I go nuts when someone directly or indirectly questions whether I tell the truth or not.  I mean...if you are going to accuse me...it better be for something I did. lol I'm calming down.  Writing out into the void about this crazy day is helping.  Inside my head I wish I could punch this dickwad out.  He's scum.  He's shit.  But there are ways to handle this.  And the adult way I will.  Just don't force my hand.  Because then, I won't be the raging bitch in front (like the poor person who was denying my incident report but didn't approach it right when they said the information doesn't match up. ) The birthday didn't .  After I verified my real birthday.  His birthday.  Where it happened.  His address.  When it happened.  When I reported it.  What officer I reported it to.  Where I reported...You get the idea.  No...I will be quiet bitch.  And just give the evidence needed to have you cut your own throat, buddy.  And in case this is some sick story I am making up...why don't you talk to the people who know about the rape? My husband.  My ex boyfriends.  My ex husband.  My ex friends.  My parents.  My therapists.  I have PTSD.  I don't advertise it.  I have enough to say about my Eplisepy and PCOS.  But it's there.  I've had to make sure I didn't have Dissociative Identity Disorder because I separated aspects of me for years in order to cope and survive.  Nowadays, I am Jess.  Whole Jess.  But that has taken years to really believe I could be whole.  These things are not made up.  These things are real.  My blog....My blog is real.  Ughs.  Sighs.  Thank you, blog universe.  Thank you for letting me vent and yell into the void.  Because today, today was a day of Jess, the raging bitch. Wow...Universe... I love you.  Unchained Melody is on.  The guitar version. Esteban's version. The redo one.  The what timing Unchained Melody.