Monday, May 8, 2017

The human condition

So I had a funny thing happen on Saturday.  One of my best friends had a get together on Saturday.  While we were there, I hit it off with one of the other ladies invited.  I mean, from the get go, we just hit it off and were talking.  Come to find out, this was the person my best friend had always told me I should meet.  She knew we would hit it off.  When my best friend saw us, she smiled and said, "I knew you two would hit it off.".  And then, we looked at each other.  "Oh, You're the one!!!", simultaneously.  It was hilarious.  You think it was scripted.  It's not necessarily that "Laura" and I have all things in common.  But somehow, we felt like we had always known each other.  What was even funnier was seeing how well our husbands hit it off.  I hadn't even put two and two together and associated her and her husband.  But I noticed my husband hit it off with someone too.  It reminded me of how complete strangers sometimes connect better than what seemed like friends in the past.  It was a weird revelation.  I think part of the line of thought came from a conversation regarding Javier.  I actually said I was relieved I don;t mean anything to him.  That I was that disposable.  Sounds crazy, right? But hear me out.  Once I got my healing journey going.  Once I saw my value, I saw that his opinion meant and means shit.  And so does anyone that has a negative opinion.  That's not to say that someone that has a constructive critique of me doesn't have merit or credentials in what they say.  It just means that I don't seek validation in anyone's opinion.  Which is strange...coming from me.  My healing journey is a work in progress still.  I have much too learn through the constant healing that life has to offer me.  Yes, life has thrown some serous lemonades at me.  And while I can't make margaritas with them because Tequila hates me....I figure something out.  You find hacks.  You find ways to see the positive in each negative situation.  And while I have always known that philosophy, I think my heart somehow forgot certain aspects of that mantra.  Life is too short.  I got told something beautiful that just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Life is too short and full of the opportunity to dwell in ugliness.  That's paraphrasing but you get the idea.  Even the cries I might have.  The sighs I might have.  The tiredness I might have.  I am truly blessed and lucky.  I have my health.  Yes.  I really said...I had have my health.  I'm a high functioning Epileptic.  How many Epileptics you know work AND drive? I work hard to keep my health in control.  I have friends that ground me and keep me sane when inner demons like have to fun with me.  It's so easy to let insecurities get the best of us.  You're not smart enough.  You're fat.  You are getting older.  You're not good enough.  Your thoughts and values don't matter.  Far more scars go into rape than just physical.  One of the theories that I was helped with to understand is that Javier doesn't like to leave evidence.  That's why there were never any physical scars.  It's scary to see these days the kind of rape culture we really have.  I mean...what is interesting to remember while not getting too political is...the explanation I got for someone voting for someone that overtly was mysoginistic.  Yeah.  But I'm not voting for him because of that.  That's still part of him.  And it was hard to make an argument when the other side to vote had the title of enabler.
I still don't understand certain things being thrown around regarding healthcare.  My condition is on there.  I'm not sure where this blog entry direction was going.  Life still keeps going.  I'm working alot more.  27-32 hours is like putting in 40.  But one of my friends introduced me to an interesting hack.  Pedialyte.  Don't judge me. lol I took one today and while I'm pooped, it's not passing out exhausted pooped.  And I'm having to deal with two nights of staying up late during the weekend.  Off the soap box I go.  I try to mostly center this blog around my healing journey, health, marriage, and life.  But here and there I do bring up things to think about.  These things affect me so I write about them.  I want to say sorry that I offended someone.  But I can't.  I wish decency was part of our normal.  I wish people didn't have to deal with being violated on a physical, ,mental, emotional, and /or sexual capacity.  But we do.  It just makes us stronger.  And for those who can't be, maybe this blog is their voice.  You come into my world and learn something.  That I'm silly.  That I'm human.  That I'm kind.  That I make mistakes.  That I am genuine and forthcoming.  That I'm human.  It's important to document the human condition.

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