A safe place

I'd like to think that my friends and sometimes even strangers know that when they are with me they are in a safe place.  I do my best not to judge. I'm human.  I am not going to lie and not tell you I haven't had a judge or two about a person or situation. So today, I am recovering from the situation from yesterday. I can't hide or run away from life.  So stressful situations will happen.  I realize that.  However, over time I have purposely stayed away from certain people because of the amount of negative energy they bring.  It's hard when it's practically in your backyard.  At least with my other situations I can have an out of sight out of mind idea about it.  What is interesting that people who don't see their destructive and negative way is how they affect people.  I recently had a friend that I didn't realize just had a cloud of negative.  And it wasn't just a pity thing. It was anger. It was judgement.  I got to wondering what my friendship really meant. Especially because I was putting my physical and mental health and all I got was criticism.  By no means do I think I am perfect.  But I do think I put myself out there to support those I care about.  And I felt used.  And I don't like feeling like that.  I also have to be careful because my mental state often affects my physical state.  I don't have giant episodes like I used to.  I have what I call mishaps...and episodes.  I wish it wasn't so closely related by somehow my stress level is tied to any triggers.  I've been trying to deny it but I can't anymore.  I don't know many of my seizure triggers. But I do know I don't do well when I am stressed regarding toxic people.  Having a test or being in school is my own stress and I have figured out how to deal.  And that's my problem.  But when it's not my circus not my monkey sort of situation...I just can't work with it.  And I really don't want to confront or fight.  In terms of a fight or flight situation....I am now of the school of though of flight.  And I'm okay with that.  I guess because of my situations I have gotten myself into in the past I want a person to feel safe.  I want them to feel supported and loved.  Their happiness is genuinely my happiness.  I have moments of envy...perhaps even a little jealous.And that's usually for acquaintances.     Again, I am human.  And I work with that and move on.  So today...just know...if there is no safe place to go...there is.   There is me.  I am a safe place.