The journey I'm on

If I never write a book it helps that this blog documents and accounts for the journey I am on.  This journey I have been on has been quite a ride.  Like any good story the protagonist finds themselves in the middle of some journey or thing to overcome.  19 always seems to be that turning point.  It was interesting that I heard a clip about Post Traumatic Stress.  It got me thinking about how yes, I had Epilepsy when I was younger but I had a different kind.  Partial-Complex Seizures often manifest from a traumatic event.  I suppose understanding better my "triggers" and what connections my psyche plays on the rest of my body.  I didn't think stress played a huge part since I've been quite stressful situations.  But I look back and think about it all.  This journey that I walk is not an easy one.  I don't want to pat myself on the back.  I don't want to complain.  I just want to share that it is a struggle at times.  Maybe that's why I like blogging. It's a way of documenting my journey.  It's a diary of sorts.  I share my feelings.  I share my thoughts.  I share my fears and joys.  I try not to hold back.  Whether one looks at this or more I am happy.  I'm sharing my world.  Which is an interesting aspect to me.  Very few get to see the genuine person that I am.  I actually have a timid side to things. That surprises and shocks people for the flamboyant persona I have.  It's not a facade.  But through my post traumatic stress I created different sides to me to cope.  And who you see is that no holds barred part of me.  She's fearless.  I envy her at times.  I don't know how I can be that fearless.  And yet that sounds strange because it is me.  And then there is that other side to me.  The deep,intellectual with the twisted sense of humor.  I've let her come out more often.  That's been Jess all along. I've just been afraid to show her.  And then Squirly.  The idealistic hopelessly optimistic person that refuses to give up on the world.  It can be quite a fight to figure out my feelings.  Coping mechanisms helped me to function.  But now being older I can let my manifestations just be authentic me.  I don't need to apologize for who I am anymore.  And that is such a freedom I can't even begin to explain how incredible that feels.  I don't know where this blog entry was supposed to go. But then again..this is the journey I'm on