I'm still learning how to process

You know...if all of us learned how to properly communicate our sadness, anger, and other emotions I think the world would be in a better place.  A friend of mine pointed out a few days ago  that anger is a boundary violation and /or fear. It got me thinking.    Anger can be a healthy emotion if properly conveyed.  We all have triggers that we develop over the years that we experience.  Whether it's a family relationship, a significant other, or friendship our interactions can directly affect someone, whether positive or negative.   I'm still learning how to process anger.  Two abusive relationships and a rape will sorta fuck you in the head sometimes.  I don't like using it as a excuse but I do have to at least acknowledge that they do affect how I handle an emotion like anger.  I freeze.  I call it being a coward because I'm not fighting but really...it's me just trying to survive the situation.  Sometimes for just a minute I'm not in the present. I'm in that situation and I freeze.  That's typical for survivors.  So anger.  I have great teachers in my friends who help me process this emotion.  I love my discussions with them.  I feel like I learn all the time. I'm still learning how to process.  Sometimes I feel like my inner child comes out more than my adultness.  And I'm not entirely comfortable with it.  I think that's when I feel like a fraud.  That I'm not always an adult.  Course, a friend (same friend) also said the world didn't need me to be an adult all the time.  I'm slowly reprogramming my brain and mindset.  It's a slow process.  But I have faith I'll get there.  I have a beautiful support system behind me to help.  I cherish them.  And I don't ever get tired of telling them how much I cherish them.