Oh, the comfort zone

This weekend I decided to get out of my comfort zone.  Comfort zones are safe but you don't feel the exhilaration and feeling of accomplishment by stepping out of your boundaries.  First off, it's important to establish what those boundaries are so you can allow yourself a stopping point if you need one.  I got an unbucket off my list.  I went kayaking.  The experience with Jeremy was beautiful.  Outdoors makes him happy.  I did it first for him.  But as time went by...I did it for me. I did it for all the times I didn't stop my boundaries because I left it to someone.  This time I understand that I have the power to step out of my boundaries to say what I am and am not comfortable with.  And I got some sense knocked into me about why I have this power.  Because I am worth it.  Because I am this adventurous spirit who is willing to color outside the lines.  Now, I recognize that I will need another metaphorical kick in the butt.  This mindset is years deep.  I have crawled and climbed to thrive in a beautiful setting.  I am a beautiful survivor.  But in everyday settings, I have moments.  It's a common thing.  But I have amazing anchors.  And when your husband tries to timidly give you the feels you know that you are voicing what you want.  I also needed to realize that I wasn't seeing certain things because of our missteps.  It's like that sometimes.  This weekend was good for Jeremy and I.  We have struggles like any other couple. But I think we are way ahead of the game.  Jeremy and I talk to each other rather candidly.  And we appreciate that truth between us.  I also understood part of his job yesterday!! He was telling me about his test and I was able to confirm what he was saying.  It was a rather awesome feeling!!! I am beyond happy right now.  I feel at peace inside.  I hope you can feel the peace I feel.  That life is as it should be.  The chaos.  The dark beauty. That dark beauty that helps you see the light.  The jagged edges and coloring outside the lines.  Sometimes that coloring outside the lines is the sanity we do need.  I need to remember that in order to sometimes get through this life to color outside the lines. I am a unicorn. A rare species of beautiful chaos.  And for that I need to color outside the lines to handle the straight lines.  Coloring inside the lines isn't bad.  It's just not me. And at least I can acknowledge and own up to that.  Oh, the comfort zone.