Don't stop believing

I kinda need that phrase right now.  I still believe.  My dream is just right there.  This is the test to pass through.  It's the most difficult.  I feel defeated right now.  I feel like all my hard work, sweat, tears, and blood just didn't go anywhere.  I haven't given up.  I have perspective still.  But I can't lie.  Behind the smile...behind my laugh...I feel defeated...and confused.  I am puzzled by all this.  I guess that's normal.  So here I am...starting over again....again...It's not like I haven't had the doubt of my intelligence before.  But one formality does not determine my intelligence.  And good thing I know that.  I usually have some philosophical thing going.  Today...Sadly, I do not.  I won't give up....I won't. But I need a vacation from all this.  I want a vacation from my own thoughts.  Because sometimes it's those thoughts that get me trouble.  Not any crazy thoughts like harming myself...no no no no. But I feel lost.  I feel a sense of my self confidence gone.  I'm not sure how to get it back.  So...maybe I will bring into song....Don't stop believing...