Focus

What a difference a year can make.  I was looking at the memories thing.  I took a big leap and did a transformation today.  I became art, so to speak.  I became a story.  A year ago.  I regret a lot.  And then, I don't.  I, myself, became a more healed person doing my journey.  It may not be the journey that anyone can understand or care to.  And maybe, somewhere I found out how much I need to love myself.  My nature is to give give give give.  Maybe I'm tired of giving.  Maybe I need to just take.  And I can't say that with a straight face.  Sighs.  It's not my nature.  Sometimes I envy those who are selfish.  Is that weird? I don't apologize for the person I am.  But sometimes, my compassion is what gets me in my messes in life.  Sometimes....I care too much.  There's more that I share here sometimes than I am with any one person.  It's hard to explain.  At least it's not pain any more that I am holding back.  It's decisions I've made.  It's living with my rewards and my consequences.  It's dealing with good and bad.  I guess I had so much good that I need a little bad.  And considering how bad things get with people...I've got first world status.  But I'm not in Zen.  I'm happy.  But I'm not in Zen.  And maybe I need that.  To learn how to handle that life is a rollercoaster.  Better get ready for work.  Have a good day.  I am considering stopping my blog.