Maintenance

I love when I have deep conversations with friends.  I was introduced to a motivational speaker.  Their specialty is marriage counseling, or marriage fitness as the speaker likes to call it.  Now, I am very weary of self help type of things.  However, I seemed to have connected on some of the line of thought that I was introduced to.  It has had positive outcomes.  I liken marriage as maintenance on a car.  Even before trouble really begins you want to maintain the car.  That's just me.  This weekend was really nice.  I felt this overwhelming surge of happiness of where I was in life.  Words, over time can impact anyone's psyche.  When damage has been done, it's like it becomes more vulnerable through words.  I think that's why for a long time I craved beautiful words.  I still get them.  But really, I feel and believe it inside.  Saturday, I got all random and starting dancing to a silly song.  It's called Starving.  It felt silly and yet, I didn't care.  I felt free and I just danced to it.  Long Awaited Love from Thad Fiscella is on.  I'm delirously happy.  I don't even want to call it Zen.  I don't exactly know what to call it....At peace, maybe.  I accept certain things in life.  I don't always like them.  But I accept certain truths in life.  I accept that certain people are well, jerks.  They are bullies, narcissists, bulldozers of the world.  And maybe, just maybe it's the view I see and it's wrong.  But it's my perspective.  And I accept that too.  But as a wise person once said...."I am getting too old for this shit".  Find people that really get you and bring out the best version of you.  And also bring that best version of the other person.  In some cases, I was the worst person for people.  But I figured I needed to be a side character for their story, like they were mine.  In anything that has happened in my life, in the things I seem to have per se, regretted.  I don't.  I can't.  It was part of my story to grow and heal.  And the journey is still going.  Turning 40, I am stepping into a new chapter of my life.  Here's to more adventures!