Strength of sparkles

I was coloring last night.  But for a happier reason.  That changed.  I used to color because I would get stressed out.  Last night, I got into an artistic mood.  Jeremy was studying and I was just doing my doing.  I actually was reading and coloring at the same time.  Both, Harry Potter! Something else happened too.  I guess sometimes I don't know the strength of my sparkles I went to Hot Topic.  I love going there.  There's always something to find at thinkgeek, Hot Topic, or Spencers.  I got into Harry Potter things with the cashier.  She was a combination person, she felt.  Ravenpuff.  Or Huffleclaw? I was close to being Ravenclaw but I have always identified with Hufflepuff.  After our conversation she had a smile on her face, and just sighed happily.  And she said, I love you.  Come back and see us again. I did my sheepish thing.  And then, I passed an Amazon kiosk.  I'd been in the market for an e reader or tablet.  My tablet crapped out.  But it's like two or three years old so hey. He was giving me the spiel but it was such a great price. I was already sold.   I let him pick out my colors.  He go so excited that someone would let him do that.  He ended up smiling and saying, "Thank you for making my day".  That put me in such a happy mood.  I like making people smile and laugh.  And just feel generally happy.  I like being a positive impact on people.  While Jeremy studied I read and colored.  I also got inspired to draw a little.  I never know what I am going to draw.  This is going to sound weird but I still feel "shy?" regarding my art work.  I feel confident in my writing.  But I didn't quite see myself as an artist.  And I still find myself unsure about my art.  However, I take this approach instead.  Being creative makes me happy.  Even if all I could do was stick figures, it makes me happy.  So it's not what I'm drawing or how good....it's the fact that I am being creative.  There's a happy quietness to me that happens when I draw or color.  I sort of forget the world.  I'm focused on colors, or shapes...or shade...or patterns.  You get the idea.  You might never know the strength of your sparkle.  Be a good sparkle.  I think back...sometimes the most painful things can bring a certain beauty in life.  I appreciate the pain.  Sounds weird to say.  It's a dull pain now.  I have learned to manage pain better.  Will the events of 20 years ago still affect me? Yes.  I function more beautifully.  But a rape does more than anyone will ever know for someone.  I turned into this very walled almost warrior like person.  But, really I was on my last drop of energy.  Deep down, I'm more fragile than I realized.  And yet, there was a beautiful strength to me, because I won't show it.  Seeing it from people that care and over time have told me the evolution of my pain is interesting.  And finally, Jeremy is part of that conversation.  I guess, with all the "talk" right now about politics, I quietly look at the world and remember...That's why I didn't report it.  I've been asked more than once that question. And I have the same answer.  I didn't want to be judged.  And I wasn't sure I was going to be believed.  I guess if I didn't report it, I wouldn't officially be a victim.  I sort of loathe that word.  I shouldn't.  I and others are victims in different ways.  Victim shouldn't be a bad word.  Hence, the warrior goddess mode. I went on a tangent.  Sorry.  Squirrel.  lol
You have value.  People are always going to have an opinion about you
Let them.
In the end, the most important person to have an opinion about you...
is you
Remember that.
Just try not to be an asshole when you're having that opinion
Last thing we need is a narcissist.  We see how well that is turning out for us lol
Explore the shine in you