The Evolution of Me

What a difference a year makes.  I'm thinking of the Evolution of Me, just even a year ago.  It's amazing the journey I have made.  In the cobwebs of where mind takes a journey, I smile.  I also become sad.  But then, I smile again because I know.  I know the Evolution of Me means that pain was also part of the journey.  There were lessons to be learned.  There was a journey that I needed to take.  That I still take....right now, to continue the Evolution of Me.  The last couple of days have really solidified the growth I have made.  I desperately used to need beautiful words.  Granted, they are nice to hear and read.  But sometimes, they won't come.  Not for lack of trying.  Just that the world doesn't always work in a beautiful work of art kind of way.  Sometimes, it's one big messy way that in some odd way, could be a beautiful work of art.  It's a matter of perspective.  I applaud those who have been a contributing factor to the Evolution of Me.  To be honest, some seem like unlikely players.  I've got my usually arsenal of love. They are amazing, supportive, and strong people that understand me in ways that I struggle to sometimes.  When I falter and potentially try to demonize or potentially drown myself insecurities, there they are, armor and all...defending me...against well, even me sometimes.  That arsenal of love is overwhelming.  To this day, it isn't something I take lightly.  I have.  And then there is Jeremy.  We have struggled as a couple within the last 9 months.  First we seemed good.  And then we didn't.  But once we survived our struggles, there was a stronger bond.  We refuse to give up on each other.  Long time ago, we had an 11th hour.  Ironically enough, it's the path that set us to engagement, then marriage.  But we hadn't had an 11th hour as a married couple.  And then, one day...there it was.  It had sneaked up on us like a snake.  It took some months for healing, communication, and lots of love between us....but we got back to now.  Unchained melody is on.  How...fitting.  Even yesterday...I got a redo with him.  I have a bad association with Seagram's 7 because of an abusive ex boyfriend.  And I decided to share a drink of whisky with him in our his and hear glasses.  And it was then, as I explained the story of the redo, that I changed the storyline.  I.. Me...Jessica...JESS....I have the power to change the storyline.  And so that is exactly what I do.  I have changed during this year.  I hope, for the better.  I remember clearly around this time I was climbing the path of healing.  But I also know the narrative.  Soon, my entire path of healing, my growth, and my confidence comes crashing down.  Soon, a year ago...I start again.  It's a positive.  I don't know it at the time.  All I remember is being lost at the time.  But it shows me in the narrative of how strong I really am.  Of the growth, healing, and strength I found within myself.  Of what a sparkling badass I really am.  I used to have to cope with life through aspects.  I lived life many years with these...personality aspects.  Now, one exists.  Queen Sparkles, the sparkly Unicorn that batttles like a fucking dragon slayer.  It took some time to get here.  But I finally arrived.  And it feels good.  Do I stumble still? Yes.  But I am stronger.  And I believe in myself in a way I didn't know existed.  I believe in me.  How's that for an evolution????!!!